Beyond Redemption

Let me say this and clear things up. While I absolutely will lock or delete an account that doesn’t comply with the visiting and reviewing rules, that rarely happens to longtime reviewers.

If you’ve been with me a long time and have reviewed to the point that I instantly recognize your name (I have a good memory), you don’t really have much to worry about unless you disappear for a year or something. Rare is the day that I will zero out a long-standing reader. New readers? Yeah, you guys are in constant danger until you establish yourself at the site.

But it seems that Absolution is messing with some people. When they log in, they’re not finding their name and stuff like that. If you’ve been with me for a long time, don’t assume I deleted you if you have login issues. Shoot me some mail and find out for sure. This happened today with someone who’s been with me for ages, and while I sent a link to her bio page, showing her that her account never went anywhere, it’s up in the air as to whether or not she even saw it, which sucks. So no assuming, folks. Get the facts.

So, I’m 2 for 2 and about to go for 3B! >.> Okay, that’s baseball talk…

In other words, I updated twice in as many days, and I’m about to start my next chapter. I don’t know what it will be yet, but probably Eden because I seem to be feeling that one at present. (Sorry if it’s not your cup of tea, but it’s a severely neglected story, so I’m happy that I’m finally making progress on it) For those who aren’t on the mailing list, I updated it last evening -though I was actually going for morning. The reason?

I waited all fucking day -on zero sleep- for a repairman who never showed, (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ so I just worked on the story during that time. It wound up being about 6500 words -roughly 1500 more than the goal- so I’m pretty pleased with myself. Got a lot done plot wise, along with a little IK smushies for the romantics in the house. (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿) So, yeah, not too shabby.

The one down side is that my hands are pissed off. It’s not severe -yet- but they’re definitely irritated, so I’ll have to be careful. Sigh. I really hate that I have to deal with this crap; it really impedes me in all the worst ways…

In other news, I got the lineart back for the next If I Want To art and that shit is bangin’. For realz. It’s so playful and cute… you guys are guaranteed to like it. ＼(＾O＾)／ Also did a points commission with a dA artist that I’ve been liking for a while. I hope it turns out as cute as I think it will… I’m also on the waiting list for yet another IIWT art -InuYasha- and it should be pretty sweet. Yeah… story art is still a thing for me.

And last, now that I’m updating again and such, I’ll be watching site activity. If you’re amongst those who log in, read, and don’t review, you should be aware of the fact that I have a log of Every. Single. Member’s. activity on Absolution. In other words, I’ll know when you’re consistently reading and not reviewing. And if your numbers are severely uneven, I’m going to delete you. Without warning.

That was the deal you agreed to when you asked for an account. And there’s no excuse because reviewing isn’t hard. If you’re enjoying the updates, say so. It’s that simple. And if it’s not that simple for you, kick rocks. You don’t even have to tell me you’re leaving because I periodically check site activity and will delete your account without you having to ask me to.

We good? Coolies. (°◡°♡).:｡

Though, it may not seem like it since I haven’t been writing or posting. I swear, I haven’t felt like doing shit. No, that’s incorrect. I think about writing all the time, but I just don’t actually do it. Which sucks, really. It’s like I’m not getting past the hurdle of putting pen to paper -even though I actually want to. Therefore, here is a warning you guys are totally used to: The next few chapters are gonna suck. I’m ridiculously rusty, my mood for writing isn’t really there, and I just don’t know how many words are actually gonna come, you know? These next few chapters will be short, maybe even uneventful, but I need to put them out there anyway just to get back into writing or else I won’t come back from this hiatus. So, yeah. That’s how it is.

In other news, if your account is locked for being MIA, don’t mail me asking about your account with any kind of tude. That’s pretty much begging me to delete you. And I will. So we’re clear, I never give anyone a time frame for how long they can disappear before they lose their account. Everything is at my discretion and some people do have more leeway than others, especially if they’ve always been a frequent reviewer. I can do that because my site is private and I don’t have to follow anyone’s rules but my own. The only stress I want to deal with at Absolution is the pressure I put on myself to write. Nothing else will be tolerated.

I’ve been kinda sick lately, too, and it makes for a mood killer. Got a doc appointment on Wed. and will hopefully start to get some answers as to what the fuck is going on with me. But until then, my mood really isn’t the best. Still, I’ll do what I can for you guys, writing wise.

Last night -aside from some manga- I re-read and edited prior chapters in anticipation of the next update, which means writing will begin tonight after work. The hope is that it’s ready for mah birfday, so fingers crossed folks. And, of course, there will be some new art to go with it. (What’s a birthday without a present, ne? Well, even if I am the one giving it -haha).

Now, for the return of the Hump Day Confessional!

Today’s Confession…

The Art of Asking Too Much.

Had to dead another account. Not my favorite pastime, but I’m seriously sick of people coming at me with this false sense of entitlement when they don’t contribute a single word or penny to anything. *ban hammer time!*.  o_O

Nearly 100% of the time, when I respond to a review, the lines, “Thanks for the review. I appreciate it.” is in the text of the response. Why? >.> Because I appreciate it. I appreciate the time they took to let me know that the annoying CT pain and effort were worth it. I appreciate the acknowledgement that I don’t have to write -and most of the time- don’t want to write, but continue to do so solely for their entertainment. When I don’t reply to each review personally (because it’s probably too much on my hands), I often thank everyone through this blog. The kindness and support I receive is by no means lost on me and I always thank those who show me they care in some way or another. I can’t imagine not doing that.

But when people show me who they really are by plagiarizing my stories, stealing/using/distributing my commissioned artwork, talking shit like they actually know me, behaving as if I owe them something, or basically saying ‘so what?’ by deeming themselves too –whatever– to even do something as small as leave a review, that’s when I start cutting people off and making myself unavailable.

I think some people feel like it’s their god-given right to come into my site whenever they want, say or do whatever they want, and I should just let them without argument or complaint. They feel like they’re entitled to site access and how dare I want some positive feedback from the people who say they enjoy my fics. They feel that even though writing literally pains me, and I’ve lost a ton of interest in it, I should still write for the sake of writing, so long as they remain entertained. lol.

Seriously, when does that attitude work anywhere?

Everyone who becomes a member is told about the Terms of Membership in advance and they agree to it from the very beginning. So… how can anyone get upset because they’re being called out on 8 months of non-compliance (and in some cases, a full year)? There’s no one to blame here but themselves and there shouldn’t be any surprise if they don’t get back in because, come on, they were given a lot of leeway and still fucked it up. Some people also think that because they may -or may not- have known me since my MM days, they should just be exempt from the terms they agreed to. I think the fact that more than half a year went by with no administrative action on my part constitutes enough of a free pass.

Yes, I can be a bitch, but only when I’m pushed to that point. I’ve taken a lot of abuse in this fandom and have had to cut off many a bullshitter. Those who I call my friends are treated well and know that if they need me, and I can do it, it’s done. I have people that constantly buy/make/give me things just because, and somehow, I don’t think they would if I was some awful person. I’m exceedingly loyal to my peeps, and despite my initially rough exterior (Fandom bullshit is why that exterior even exits), once boundaries are established, I get along with pretty much everyone.

I also try my best not to act unapproachable. I may not always be able to reply in a timely fashion when I’m contacted, but I will reply, because I’m just like you -an InuYasha fan (Any fanfic writer or fanartist who acts like they’re anything more than that is full of shit. There’s no fucking hierarchy in fandom, no matter how these people behave). I write for my readers, as my heart has left IY fanfic a long time ago, so yeah, I do appreciate those who have shown me love. That’s why I don’t try to make money off their presence with annoying, shitty ads that would diminish their reading experience, nor do I post donation links, hounding them for money. I foot the cost of my server, domains, and all the artwork I buy to keep the site a visually fun place to visit. I “wrote” myself into a debilitating hand condition for the sake of entertaining and I did it all as part of my “thank you” to those who chose to spend their time with me, having a little fun and escaping reality. So maybe that’s why I find it so hard to understand those who have such an issue with leaving a 10-second, “Thanks for the update. I enjoyed it.”

I guess I’m still asking for a little too much. lol.

I didn’t finish my chapter yet. I haz so rusty! T_T

This is definitely going to be short. >.> Then, it will be off to the next story, something that will be easier (hopefully). My hands are starting to bug me, but we’ll see if the braces keep it at bay for a while. I’m also not feeling that great and will be seeing the doc soon. Sigh.

I deleted another reader account today because bitches have lost their fucking minds if they think for a second that they’re gonna approach me in any way that is unfitting of a guest in my house. Shit, warnings are not even a consideration; that’s a straight up ban with a rerouting of all mail to trash.

I write to entertain, but I’m not a fucking servant, nor is anyone entitled to anything from me. I share my stuff because I want to, and I’m completing my stuff because I want to. The second I stop wanting to, it will end, just like the second any member shows me that they no longer want to be one, I will make sure they’re not. Very simple.

Now, how about a new poll? I’m going to list some older stories and you guys tell me if you’re interested in seeing the conclusions to them -and I mean traditional, written endings. Not just a summary of what would have happened. I may be able to do it, I may not, but it will at least give me an idea of what folks may want to see.

Word to the wise.

If your account is locked, then you know why, because all the rules of my site were given to you when your membership request was approved. Now, since you know why you’re being blocked, don’t get cocky and try to bullshit me about what you did and didn’t do because I’m going to call you on your bullshit then ban you accordingly, got that?

I’ll explain this one more time for those who still don’t quite get it.

Reviewing isn’t optional anymore, nor is anyone required to comment on every single thing they read. Dropping a line every so often to let me know that you enjoy the fics and appreciate the effort is a small thing that takes you 2 minutes. Meanwhile, writing a chapter takes me hours, even days, along with a nice amount of CT pain. I feel, and rightfully so, that if my stories aren’t worth a few positive words, they shouldn’t be worth reading, either, and I will quickly relieve you of the ‘chore’.

So, if you’ve been fucking up and want back in, just own it, because most likely, the end result will be a warning. But the moment you start trying to BS me, I’m going to delete you.

And yes, it’s only fanfiction. But it’s my fanfiction and I get to decide who reads it.

Capiche?

EDIT: For those who are still in a position to pop into Absolution, I’m about to update a blast from the past! I’m not done yet, but it will be sometime tonight, I’m sure.
*blows all the dust off* XD

So, here’s the heads up. Before my next round of updates, I’ll be sweeping my memberlist. In fact, I’m almost done. A lot of people lost access tonight. For the curious ones, there will be one of three things you’ll discover on your next visit:

1. Normal Login: Your account is fine.
2. Locked Account: Your account is locked with the possibility of getting it back.
3. Username Missing: You’re deleted. There is no coming back.

I wasn’t kidding about reviewing and staying active. The size of my audience doesn’t matter to me, unlike so many others who will post all over the planet for hit counts. I don’t give a shit about that.

I’d rather write for 20 people who will leave a positive review, thus proving that not only do they enjoy the work, but the stress on my hands is well worth the pain and effort, as opposed to letting a bunch of ghosts have access who will review every blue moon, or in some bold cases, not at all, while still being able to come into my site whenever they want.

Naw, there won’t be any of that. lol.

Now that I’m getting my writing mood back (little by little, mind you), I want to post for people who have steadily shown my work love -and not just the ones who show up when I update something like The Neighbor. Nope, those people will most likely never see another chapter of that fic again. So, if you retain your account in the next 24 hours, good for you. You’ve reviewed within an acceptable time frame. If not, oh well. Shit happens. You were warned from the start.

Happy Thursday! I’ll definitely try to update over the weekend. 0.~

Sorry I couldn’t update something before the 1st like I planned.  Zero inspiration + lack of time is a bitch. I wasn’t 100% satisfied with my update, but it flowed fairly easily, so I won’t complain. 3600+ words from a mind that isn’t thinking fanfic is a pretty good feat. lol. I plan to try it again, so keep your fingers crossed for me. The hope is that I’ll get several chapters off the ground in the coming weeks. They’ll all be around the same size, word count wise, which will be easier on me. Oh, and I left an interesting hint in the last chapter (if you follow that story), but you know the rules: No leaving theories in your reviews. Just ponder it on your own…

In other news, I made my first member cut of the new year. Guys, I’m being dead serious. The rules at my site are absolute. I usually give people two chances to fuck up (Yes, I keep score), and when they do, I delete them without warning. No one is immune from that, because like I’ve said in the past, if you’re not there to enjoy the story, or if I feel like you don’t enjoy the stories, you’re gone without any warning and you will never get another account. Need a refresher on how things are? Go to my site and read the ToS. And no, I don’t feel like I’m some big deal and never have -don’t confuse me with other IY authors who think their shit smells like bakery biscuits. I just don’t subject myself to bullshit anymore -my house, my rules, or GTFO.

My friend, Ayling, made another artsie for me! She actually made this one first, but I only posted it now, so have a peek! She’s brilliant!

All right, I’m out! Gonna work on a new chapter tonight.
And Abbs, you rock! <3

So, here is my life update.

CAMERA:

I finally resolved the camera conflict. Seems that when I started talking about filing a police report, the carrier mysteriously reappeared -and so did my camera. Ain’t that some shit? Because, yeah, that carrier never returned to work after my camera vanished. I was told he’d be there the next day -he didn’t show. I was then told the day after that. No show. AND it was “against the rules to call him”.  o_O

After having enough of their bullshit, I told them that I believed  the carrier stole my camera and they were covering for him. Therefore, I was going to file a police report. Funny that the next morning I got a call saying they had my camera. Oh, and the carrier was back at work. Yet, no one could explain to me why carrier and item both showed up on the same day. They wouldn’t admit that he took it with him when he left that day, but they don’t have to because I already fucking know. Apparently, post offices have a thing for stealing items from certain online shopping sites because they know it will be replaced.

Case and point: When I contacted my shopping site and told them what I suspected, they overnighted another camera to me via Fed Ex. But see, I wasn’t about to let that thief keep that fucking camera because he thought he could. He fucked with the wrong Grrrl. Anyway, both cameras are here, but I’ll be sending the one he tried to steal back to the company. Of course, I didn’t get my shit in time for my concert (which was the point of buying it)… that prick.

CONCERT:

Good fucking grief. Saw Coheed & Cambria on Thursday at Webster Hall. Got a VIP pass that got me in early for an acoustic song from Claudio. Had a stellar spot in the front and even saw a cool opening act that was good enough to get me to buy an album. Then, it happened. Coheed came on stage and started playing and I was nearly killed on the fucking dance floor. I was in the equivalent of what was probably the 2nd row, and being short, I was already buried. But when hundreds of bakas came rushing a stage THAT THEY WERE NEVER GOING TO REACH I got crushed within an inch of my life. I was there with a friend -a big friend- who always accompanies me to these things because I’m small. Had he not been there, I’d probably be in the hospital, maybe worse.

I literally felt my bladder being compressed; planting my feet so that I didn’t fall on top of those in front of me made my knee bend in directions it wasn’t meant to and now I have a limp. Holding onto my upper arms so that I wasn’t ultimately knocked down and trampled, my friend left me sore and bruised. Bodies literally rained down on us as idiots pleaded with strangers to <strike>grope</strike> carry and toss them around. I love Coheed, but I’ll never endure the front rows ever again. Not even they are worth that horror. So, I’m all beat up now, and guess what? I have another concert on Monday. >.> But it’s the Silversun Pickups, so I’m going even if I need crutches! And I’ll have a damn camera! XD

PULP-FICTION:

I haven’t done any writing, really. However, I did finish the skin for “Poison” and you guys will see it with the next update. There are a couple of stories I want to work on, but I’m not going to rush myself. I want the words to flow at least a little, and forcing it won’t help. I also have a quick beta job I promised to do, but that won’t take long. So, some stuff will be coming down the pipe sometime after Monday’s concert.

You know, unbelievably, people still don’t follow the instructions on the site about requesting an account. Some will even e-mail the right address, yet still not follow the instructions. Do they really expect to get in when I’ve made it very clear that not following  instructions gets requests deleted? Sometimes I make exceptions about the password. Though most people get that right, some do miss it, so I give them another chance to find it. But when everything I requested with the application is missing, and they still think I’ll consider them, well, that’s just fucking annoying because if they can’t follow simple instructions, why would I want them inside my house with access to my stuff? No fucking thanks. I used to mail a letter of decline. Now, I just hit delete. I don’t have time for that shit. I always appreciate the fact that people want to read my works, but fandom has made me bitter, so now I play by my own set of rules. Either abide, or poof! Be gone.

If you “can’t find the password”, don’t bother.
If you don’t understand what an introduction is, don’t bother.

And for heaven’s sake…

If you know you haven’t reviewed my work in years, don’t bother.

Three times this week I’ve had people request accounts from me who haven’t reviewed in 5 years or more (Yes, I can tell you exactly when you reviewed, how many times, all that), and even then, it was 4 times or less.

Seriously? o_O

If you haven’t said a word in my house almost since I opened the fucking place, and you think I’ll let you in now, here’s your answer before you send the e-mail: NO HAPS.

I have a “time frame” when it comes to giving accounts, and if you haven’t reviewed within that time frame, you’re not getting in. If you couldn’t bother to show the stories you claim to like so much some comment love nearly since the site’s inception, why on earth ask now?

And yup, I do sound bitchy, but for real, that’s a little too brazen for me. I feel a sense of loyalty to the people who’ve been showing my work love all along and they’re who I continue to write for, not those who blow in once in a blue moon, or only know how to use their keyboards after they’ve been cut off.

Anyway, I have a super busy 2 weeks ahead, helping with a prom and a graduation. I’m all >.< because it collides with my 7th anniversary and what I wanted to accomplish by then, but I'll do my best to give you guys a lil sumthin' for 7 years of insanity. XD Kevin Time!