The Darkside of the Sun.
The title of that Tokio Hotel song sums it up perfectly today.
I had a not great morning. I finally severed something that had nowhere to go but into the gutter, and honestly, I’m not really about that. If I decide that a friendship is not salvageable, I’d rather walk away. I don’t want to take them to the black places I can go, because if I did, that means that I never cared about them at all. So, I took my talons to what was left, and it’s now as if I never knew that person, and that’s better for both of us in the long run.
But as always, the timing was just right. Tomorrow is gram’s birthday, but I won’t let any of this bring me down. I’m going to post for her like I always do, and I’m going to enjoy the day as best I can with my friends and lovelies. I may even get the last chapter of my OC fic up.
My carpal is still acting up. I’m typing slowly to avoid aggravation (which is why this last chap is taking a while.), but is IS coming along with several others. I feel freer with the writing than I have in a while and I plan to capitalize while the inspiration is here.
Again, if you’re a regular at redemp and you want the password to the “goodie” bags, shoot me a note. I am never going to post those things publicly, so a PW from me is the only way you’ll get in.
Happy Tuesday!
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Tuesday, 15 December, 2009 at 15:22
I understand. My best friend and I parted a long time ago but it was best because it was like I didn’t know her anymore. She was a stranger to me. Ever since then, I’ve been careful about who I befriend. There’s this saying, ‘Books, like friends, should be few and well-chosen.’ So I was forced to live by that the hard way.
Happy Birthday to your grandma. My grandma’s b-day is the 21st so it’ll be a sad day but I’ll try to cheer up for Christmas. Now, I don’t have to worry about being cheerful for my niece and nephew because I won’t be seeing them this holiday. My mom and my sister got into an argument last night and I’m like why do this around Christmas time especially on Granddaddy’s b-day? I just don’t understand these people.
Hopefully your day is okay tomorrow. People always say that you shouldn’t feel bad because now your loved one is in a better place. But is that really supposed to make it hurt any less? Yesterday my granddad (He just turned 69!), told me that once you’re down so much, you have nowhere to go but up. He said life is like a boat. A boat with no paddles or anything so what do you do? You just let the waves carry you and go with the flow.
Tuesday, 15 December, 2009 at 17:12
I’ve come to learn to only let people in when I trust them. I’ve been through too much at times some say I’m cold. But it’s just the way I am. I can look into someone eyes and know as much as I would want to know, yet I try to let them show me. So when one comes by that a can trust I hold on and give what I could…just as long as they stay on my good side. You want to know what I see in you just from a far? Your strong, (not just any strong you’ve been through shit that only a few people know about if any. It makes you the way you are yet their are time you need to breathe sis…no I mean really breathe and let go, think on that. You’ll know what I’m talking about,). hardheaded, (you fellow your own rules and to be real that has gotten you hurt before but you always find your way to the top and what you learn you take with you in life. You still fall every now and then just remember to keep in mind a hard head makes a soft ass lol.) loving (now this one you only REALLY show a hand few and mean less then you let on. To show love for real you sometimes have to show weekness and you’re more then picky with that. but when you do love be it man, friend, family and cat…or inu lol. You give your all and let them hold on to you but when then hurt you oh there’s hell to pay.)
Without saying some of the others things i see in you both good and bad. I must say your awesome for being you! If a so called friend can’t see that you’re golden that’s their lost. It’s hurts you more then you show when it’s someone closer, but you know what? I’m here and so are all the other people who lives you light up with just a thought and I for one just wanted to tell ya that…even if you need to read it. you many be InuGrrrl to some but to me your Kiki the bad ass girl that feel like family to me. Sometimes I think should hear it ^_^!
Now as for the OC Ah can’t wait to read it like “what’s gonna heppen?!’ ‘Inu don’t be a dick!?” lol see what you do!!!! but keep making sure you don’t over do it. And you’re thinking of doing a oc for me?! Well you know I love my dog ear yasha!! If you don’t mind….can the OC be a little like me? You know funny, take no BS, caring and cool?!!! lolz just a thought. Oh I wanted to know what you thought on some of my cosplaying. I’ll send you an e-mail.
Oh what’s the password thing all about can I get one?
Tuesday, 15 December, 2009 at 20:13
I wish I had something to add to your friendship situation, but I really don’t. However, I’ve had “toxic” friendships in the past and its always ended up for the better to go separate ways. I can’t wait til you update again! I’m hoping for more “In His Eyes” and LLW! haha. I wouldn’t mind having the PW to the goodies if you find that possible, please please please? Haha. Hope you’re having good Holidays!
Tuesday, 15 December, 2009 at 21:07
I consider myself a regular in a sense that I visit often but I probably don’t review or comment as much as I should.
I’m one of those people that I will do about anything for a friend but if they do one thing to me that I consider terrible I never talk to them again.
Your new story is interesting and I am interested in seeing where it goes with only one chapter left.
Take it easy
beau_zak
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 0:28
Hey there friend!
I’m sorry about your carpal tunnel! I hope that you’re really taking it easy ’cause permanent damage would be tragic! Sorry about your friendship too that really blows chunks! Hopefully without them you’ll be better off. Just wanted to say that I’d love a pw if you’re willing to share … it’s cool if you don’t ; ) Anywho hope things get better all around!
Happy Tuesday!
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 0:29
Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
Shit happens. People get cut. What else is there? You do what you have to do for you, because there is only so much you can do for others before it starts taking away from you, especially when people don’t really know you that well.
I’ll be thinking about ya extra hard tomorrow. <3
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 10:40
Kimmy! <33
Grrr. This damn thing at MY response! -.-
Let’s try this again. Your gramps is a very wise man (Happy Birthday to him! 69 is amazing!) and you’re lucky to have him there to guide you. My mom and gram are both gone, and I don’t have/need/want a relationship with my father, so it’s me and what’s left of my mom’s tiny brood. No siblings, either, so I have no nieces or nephews, but that’s okay. I adopt as I go along from my friends! 😀
As for that “friend”, well, the loss isn’t that great, to be honest. Not when I see who, and what, I was really dealing with. My efforts at being a good, supportive, and loyal friend was tossed back in my face, so what can one say to that? Nothing. You sever your ties like you never knew them and move on. Fortunately, they were not a best a friend, so I’ll be over this quickly. In fact, I already am. 0.~
P.S. I left you something in the goodie thread that you’re gonna like!
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 10:51
Lina! <33
True dat, true dat. I needed to vent, and I'm glad I did, because it's now balled up and sitting in my trashcan. Who needs the BS? Life is too short and I know too many great people to dwell on the falsities of one. I'm sending you some mail as we speak. I has almost done >.> then it will be back to my normal mail, lol. I rested my arms a lot yesterday, but can already feel the ache. Gonna take some motrin before it gets worse. >.<
*HUGS*
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 10:55
Hey Jenn!
Of course I’ll send the PW -as if you needed to doubt it. 😀
It does blow chunks when someone is not what you thought they were, but it’s something I’ll get over fast. I’m pretty careful about who I associate with and I screwed up that time. It happens, but I’ll live. I know a lot of awesome folks (like you!) and their presence will not be missed. CT owns me right now. I’m getting things done little by little, but it’s coming. I’m looking up CT exercises, too, to help. I refuse to be permanently jacked up!
Happy Hump day -PW is on the way! ^_^
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 11:02
Sups BZ! 😀
I kinda knew you were around, even if silent, so it’s all good. If you were referring to the password to the goodies post, I’d be happy to send it to ya. If you mean the “making Absolution by invite only” poll, I knew you were around the site, too, and you’re not in any danger of being locked out if I go that route. So, you’re covered all the way around!
Friendships, close ones, are important to me. Loyalty is very important, and when someone decides to believe a rumor over me, when I’m 1000% innocent, I don’t think there’s really much going back. How could I when they obviously don’t know me and I never never knew them (apparently)? There’s nowhere to go but down, and before I let anyone take me there, I will cut them off.
Thanks for checking out the new fic. It’s been fun tow rite, but I’m anxious to get it done. My hands/arms are pissy, which is why I’m being slow with it, but I’m hoping to nail it all down in a day or two. Wish me luck!
P.S. I’m going to send the pw to the e-mail address I see here. ^^
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 17:59
Heya Linds! ^_^
I’ll send you the pw with the e-mail addie I see her, okay? Let me know if you don’t get it. 😀
And yeah, though you may feel bad at first, in the long run, it really is better to cut ties before it gets very ugly. You can’t start spouting off hateful shit to someone you once cared for; it’s like saying you never did. It’s better to turn and walk away and take it as a lesson. Hope the holidays are good on your side of the world!
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 18:22
Kid Sissy!
*hugs*
Mhmm, yep, like everyone I have good points and bad, and yup, playing by my own rules gets me into “trouble”, but from who, really? Know what I mean? The asswipes of fandom? Please -not paying them any mind. I don’t know any other way to be, ya know? It’s like you said; I’ve been through some stuff that many haven’t and it’s molded me into who and what I am. I don’t understand the kind of weakness that makes people cower because I’ve never been allowed to. My mother groomed me to be tough and stand up tall in the face of anything and everything and I do. When you have half the fandom up your ass for refusing to conform to what they think you should be, there are only 2 choices: Compromise who you are, or stand your ground against nameless, faceless people you will never meet in your lifetime. For me, the choice was easy.
You were there to see my name get dragged through fandom bullshit, but what did I do? I licked my wounds and came back swinging. Now I’m in a position where I can’t be touched by them. I don’t depend on anyone or their website to post my work. Now, I’m in a position to feature the work of others and do things for them that I wish someone had done for me. And you’re right. When the person is close, it stings more, but what can ya do? I’m not perfect. I take people on face value and getting close to me isn’t easy by any means, but this wasn’t someone I met a month ago. I’ve known them almost 2 years, so you don’t expect that kind of thing after so long. But, it is what it is: Water under the bridge. Everything that happens out here helps me grow more, so I’ll chalk it up to that.
Thanks for the encouragement. *squeezes ya* You’re one of the few that was around almost from the start, so you got to see many of the highlights of my long and infamous fanfic career -haha. xD
And yesh, a OC fic for you. ^_^ We can make the character into whatever you want her to be (so long as I can relate to her. I can’t get into a plot/char if I can’t relate to it in any way). I’ve only seen a couple of your cosplay shots. I think you were the girl from Dead or Alive. I don’t do that stuff at all, and some is really cheesy, but others are really well done. I saw a Suzaku from Code Geass and an Alexiel from Angel Sanctuary (they were both Japanese females) and they were awesome. I dressed my lil cuz up as Kikyou (her fave) a couple of years ago. One day I’ll show you the pics.
The password is for the post labeled goodies. They’re some downloads I’m sharing with friends Mail me later and I’ll give you the password. ^^
Wednesday, 16 December, 2009 at 21:44
I’m not talking about the fandom only. You’ve been hurt by people before you were InuGrrrl and I love that you made it to where you are. I wanted to be someone to tell ya your not all alone and who every this person is will miss you in the end. My mom is the same way haha she don’t believe in letting someone rule you. The funny thing is she says I’m meaner then her (i don’t know what she talking about lolz) she gives changes I don’t. For me 2 years isn’t much I have had family I had to cut out. but anyway I like letting you know I’m here for them. Sometimes you have a way of holding things in too in your own way. As far as having a hard head you have that over all lolz. I don’t want you to think I was just talking about this ‘person thing’ I was just telling you what I saw in you over all. We don’t talk other then like this so can’t give ya more info then that, thou I do think you have my cell laying around somewhere haha.
Kiki sis, people will hate on you and I know you know why….cuz you’re one of if not THE BEST. People read your work and find it hard to read anything that’s not on or close to your level. Really some people want to do this for a living and then you come along and put them to shame. I say so be it!! You rock and they can eat shit for I care lolz.
yeah encouragement is what I do. As long as it helps ya. I came along when you were like half way on breaking the girl haha it feels like forever ago!!
Oh really well then the OC she should have a body like mind(yeah DOA!)!! jk jk. k e-mail today. Yeah the Black & gold was DOA. I get asked to do a few other animes too. For some reason a lot of people like me in the DOA outfit. My boyfriend loves it, but I didn’t think I look THAT great in it at first, so I like to find out what others think. You don’t have to know too much about just say if you outfit over another is all lol. Really Kikyou wow, a pic? I haven’t you yet let alone a lil’cuz so that would be cute.
Yeah me want!!! *hugs* lov ya
Thursday, 17 December, 2009 at 22:23
Hey bb! I’d like a p-word to the goodie bag!
Friday, 18 December, 2009 at 12:37
I’m going to send it to gmail, No-No. Let me know if you don’t get it.
Sunday, 27 December, 2009 at 2:36
I know there comes a time when you have to let things and sometimes, people go. You have to look out for you first and especially when you see things aren’t working out. It’s your sanity and your peace that you need to have so just cut and run.
I feel you about your gran. Mine’s birthday was on Christmas Eve and even though it’s been 10 years (wow) I still miss her like it was yesterday. My prayers are with you.
Can I get the password for the goodies?
Tuesday, 29 December, 2009 at 21:47
Karen!!
How you doing, girl?? I’m gonna shoot you off the password.
True, it was time to stop that before it got really bad, but stupid me still wishes it hadn’t gone there. But you know, I wasn’t at fault AT ALL this time, so it was more about me understanding that and getting away from the negativity. Life is just too short to spin in a circle with someone for no apparent reason. So, it’s done, and so am I -as far as that relationship is concerned.
*Hugs you* Happy Birthday to your Gram. Xmas eve.
Awful, but at least you have the good memories. I try to hold on to those with both hands because otherwise.. >.< *Prayers and good vibes* Expect mail soon! 😀