Beyond Redemption

Today’s Confession…

When I began in fandom, I just wanted to write about InuYasha. I had a slew of ideas and just wrote to indulge myself. I shared my stories, not because I expected heaps of praise or anything (my grammar back then would tell you that), but because I wanted to be a part of the ‘gang’ that loved InuYasha and wasn’t ashamed to show it. I had no idea things would go as well as they did.

I wound up getting a lot of buzz. Sure, some was negative, but a lot was positive and it pushed me to continue to write, and more importantly, have fun. There are some… let’s just call them assholes, in this fandom who tried really, really hard to make being part of the InuYasha fandom a nightmare for me. They would take a lot of time out of their day to bash me -someone they never even had a conversation with– spread lies and rumors (Did you know that if you’re skillful with erotica it’s because you’re a hooker?), and all basically because they were angered by the positive attention my “subpar” fiction got while they (or the false gods they worship within the fandom) were not getting what they felt they were due. Or maybe it was because I was a new writer who shouldn’t have had any popularity, so they wanted to ‘fix’ that. Or was it because they didn’t like my content -even if a bunch of other people were writing harder stuff than I was.

Or maybe I was just fucking special.

Remember, I started writing because I love InuYasha. I started sharing because I wanted to be part of the fandom who loved him, and not once in all the time that I’ve been writing have I bragged about myself, my supposed skills, or boasted about awards I’ve won. (I’ve also never flamed or wanked anyone in my life. That’s so fucking beneath me…) I wrote for the love of InuYasha, not the love of ‘internet fame’ and photoshopped accolades. So these crazy attacks I was embroiled in made no sense to me, and they still don’t. But despite all of that…  I’m still a lucky Grrrl.

It seemed that for every asshole who badmouthed me, another liked what I did. I’ve been blessed with lots of hits and reviews (even before Absolution was born), and I’ve inspired tons of things from fanart to AMVs. People like what I do. I entertain them. They know my writing style, understand it, and enjoy it. Some loved it so much, they plagiarized my fanfics. >.> (You can largely thank them for why Absolution is locked) While a section fandom killed themselves to make me feel hated, a bigger group killed themselves to make sure I felt the very opposite.

It’s nice to be appreciated, but most of my readers have become my friends, too, and that -for me- is the important thing. That’s why I consider myself lucky. I was able to be “successful” at a pastime I loved while getting to know really great people. That doesn’t happen everyday, does it?

So, let me take a second to thank everybody for 7 years of fun, laughter, and friendship. No, the waters weren’t always smooth, but many of the people who were with me at the start are still with me and I’ve met many more along the way who made the BS worth it. Thank you for all the wonderful gift fiction, fanart, graphics, AMVs, and support, too. You guys have made a lot of dark days more than bearable and your presence is appreciated.

AND NO, THIS ISN’T A RETIREMENT SPEECH!

Speaking of awesome friends, look what Moni made for me last night!

Awesome, ne? (Full screen at my gallery)

I’m a lucky Grrrl… and I know it. 

/Confession.