Beyond Redemption

First, thanks to everyone who has wished my friend well, either by e-mail or in reviews. I appreciate it a lot. Things are not really better. He’s experiencing swelling and a lot of lightheaded-ness that makes doing just everyday, routine stuff very difficult. He had an appt on Friday and that turned into a mess and we’ll be getting another doctor as soon as possible. (This is NOT the doc who treated hm at the hospital. This is an outpatient doc). He got NO answers, and chances are, we’ll be in the ER again sometime soon. He acts sicker now than he did when he was severely ill and that doesn’t make fucking sense to me. It’s difficult here around here because this is consuming a big hunk of my time, which means I’m neglecting other things. So when I see a doctor’s office like that, it just pisses me –the fuck– off when I see this lax, bullshit care…

Anyway, I’m home today and trying to write, and I swear, I hate writing. At this point, if I never see another fucking fanfic I wouldn’t give a shit. I spent an hour on 3 paragraphs (Yes, seriously). I don’t know how I even devoted so much time to this shit in the past. My friend’s birthday is today and I really wanted to update a story she likes (Because I’m definitely not starting another new one) and I’m so fucking irritated by my lack of inspiration. This story, especially. There are some fics that almost never get updated because, secretly, I hate them. I don’t tell you guys that >.> but I’ve fallen completely out of love with them and just want them to go away forever. However, so many people have devoted time to them I’d feel like a total heel if I didn’t try my best to finish. But God, I’m in HELL. I start to feel physically ill when I push and stress myself to update certain stories and I already feel it happening this morning.

All I want to do today is relax with some manga and hot tea, and even that isn’t possible since I’m constantly in near crisis with my friend (already started a little while ago). So having that on my plate, plus the stress of trying to write this story that I don’t want to touch is just… URGH.

UUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGH.

Neo finished the header for the new “Neighbor” art. It’s one of the most gorgeous headers she has EVER done. You guy will be pleased. I just wish the internet wasn’t full of fucking thieves and idiots who don’t understand the concept of “Publicly posted doesn’t mean free to use however you like without consent or even credit.” because this really should be seen in all its glory without my massive watermark… but it is what it is.

Oh, and meet Haewon of X-5.