Beyond Redemption

I’ve been thinking a lot, more than ever before, about removing myself from IY fandom as a writer. I won’t close the public sites until they’re no longer useful to anyone (With the exception of TBR, and maybe, Inu-Verse, eventually), so I’ll still be in the fandom in a small way, but not as an author. I just don’t write as much as I used to and it seems really unfair to those who read my stuff to have to wait literal years for an update. So I’m thinking about giving myself a deadline. Whatever I don’t finish by next year on my 7th anniversary in fanfic (June 2012), I leave it and call it a day. (I can’t do it on the 6th anni. That’s just 2 months away and that really wouldn’t be fair to anyone if I don’t give myself more time to finish some things).

Mind you, this is just a tentative plan; nothing is set in stone. I may get a change of heart and find that love that I used to have for my favorite hobby and write my heart out, even make new stories. But for now, that’s the blueprint. So make sure you vote in the current poll.

As far as new stories, there are really just 3 new ones I’m thinking about penning. An InuYasha/Sango for Miss Goddess who has now waited about 3 years for this request (makes me wonder if she even remembers she made it >.>), one for Nutella, an Inu/Kag oneshot that she requested at dA (My awful block has stopped me from executing), and another Inu/Kags one that I dreamed up a while ago inspired by a movie/real life person. I actually had art made for it mooooonths ago and Neo recently worked her magic for a header/pic, so I’m going to try and start that while I’m feeling inspired. It won’t be very long, and I don’t have a title yet, but it should be fun.

I think a large part of my problem is that I forgot this was fun and not a job. I started getting really hard on myself over every little thing, totally forgetting that I write for obsession and nothing more. I’m always my harshest critic (which is why I don’t want anyone else critiquing me. I get enough of that by my own hand), and instead of seeing the good or fun in something, I look for the errors. It’s no way to be when you write for the “joy” of it.

Let’s be honest; there can be no other reason. Fanfic is something that millions of people enjoy, but often for the author, it’s a pretty thankless job. You spend hours pounding away at the keys, trying to offer something decent, at the very least, then people gobble it up without a single comment. Combine that with the fact that I have carpal tunnel as a direct result of writing so much and the question becomes, Why the hell am I still doing this?

Why, indeed.

But it was my choice to to write IY fanfic, and it will be my choice to be done with it. I always said I’d never write for anyone but InuYasha, but I may change that tune. I’ve noticed in other fandoms that have caught my interest, people are a lot more vocal with reviews, the writers and artists seem to get along, and overall, there just seems to be a bit more harmony and appreciation for fandom contributions. That’s something I’ve never really experienced in IY fandom. Almost from the beginning I was maligned for merely existing, and I guess, daring to do what I want without apology. I never quite understood what it was about me that set these retards off, but what do you expect from a bunch of passive-aggressive pharmacies?

I have my core readers and such, but overall, this is a very, very nasty, mean-spirited fandom, for the most part, with a “pack” mentality. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen and several people I know who are part of other fandoms have agreed. There are all these “kings and queens” that feel like they have a right to pass judgment on others, even when their own fiction/art/attitude is lousy. They get envious over nothing, attack without provocation, and have a really disgusting habit of discouraging new authors. I’ve seen that so much. If someone is making mistakes, and you genuinely want to help, then note them privately and give your advice -if they want it. Don’t flame them, or attempt to publicly humiliate them -you make yourself look like an idiot. New writers need encouragement, not ridicule, and I’m proud to say that I’ve never done that to anyone. Ever.

But to be fair, a lot of them have vanished. They either moved on to terrorize other fandoms, or they became so irrelevant that they don’t matter to anyone. Or (and this is rare!) maybe they looked in a mirror and didn’t like who they saw. Who knows? But there has been a sharp decline in good writers (and villains) and ones that were once deemed good are disappearing. I guess that’s what happens when a manga/anime finishes. Though, I expect to see a bit of an upswing when the English DVDs of the final act comes out. ‘Cause, you know, that’s when we get to see InuYasha make an ass of himself over Kikyou a few more times while her supporters keep denying that InuYasha and Kagome are actually married. Who can you really blame for that, though?

Anyway, thoughts on a Thursday. I’m now going to have breakfast and then -gasp- write!

Oh, got some new artsies in the gallery and a WHIP ASS wallie from Neo of one my new favorite bishies, so go take a peek. And if you’re a Britney fan, the new CD is pretty damn good. Very electronic, but good.