Beyond Redemption

So…. I’ve done a whole new crop of thinking.

Okay, this is the deal, written out so that my point of view is understood. Fandom and I are not really friends. I won’t go into a long, drawn-out thing; I’ll just say that there have been people within certain factions of the InuYasha fandom that have deliberately, willfully done things in the hopes of ostracizing me and making my “fandom life” hell. This has been done in the form of many cheap shots, underhanded nonsense, lies, rumors, and utter bullshit that only a ‘fandom child’ would dream up. It actually boggles the mind when I think about the absurdity of some of the shit they’ve pulled and the amount of time they have invested in it.

Completely laughable, but okay.

That said, it stands to reason that I have a lot of bitterness in me. Remember, these faceless attackers are not people that I actually know on any level. Hence, why I call them faceless. If I’ve said a sentence to any of them at any point in my 4+ years of writing, it would be considered a lot, because for the life of me, I’ve never had any dealings with these people that I can recall.

But, I digress.

The bitterness is what makes me pull away from everything and want to close myself off. If I’m getting slammed by strangers that I never did anything to, getting plagiarized up the ass, having my commissioned art lifted -what would one expect? What would one do? They’d become more introverted and standoffish because they don’t want to deal with any more crap. That’s why I yanked my fics from award contention and was ready to close my personal domain to the public at large. I’m a fighter. Always have been, but sometimes you need to choose your battles and this fandom fuckery didn’t feel worth it, especially when someone close to me is in turmoil and I’m worried and dealing with important shit, real shit. So, that was the plan. Close up shop and fuck it.

Then, I got an e-mail from someone whose opinion I truly value and she stood up for the “silent reader”. You know, the ones that come to the site all the time, but never say a word. So, they’re there, but not there. She explained to me how their minds are probably working and it got me thinking. Shutting access to my personal shit would be fine. I stop people from stealing from me on all levels and I don’t deal with phantoms hanging around being spies on my journals and shit like they do now.

*Waves at my unwanted visitors*

But I also cut every silent reader off at the knees, and the ones that are too shy/quiet/whatever to ask for a password are left out in the cold. Now, Yeah. I can say, “so what?”, but y’all know that’s not me. I hate the thought of just slamming the door in the faces of people that have invested time in me. Let’s face it, time is the most precious commodity there is, and once it’s gone, you can’t get it back. So, imagine all the time they spent on fics I’ve written, or time they’ve spent waiting for updates, and then I say, “See ya” and lock the door? That’s kinda fucked up. The flip side, though, is that by staying open, I am open to all -not just the cool, but quiet, ones. That’s fucked up, too.

Decisions, decisions.

So, I’ve decided to back flip. Yeah, it sucks, but I’m doing it. I’m not selfish enough to shit on people the way I’ve been shat on. It’s just not cool. Instead, I’ll have to take greater measures to keep certain things sacred (Thanks Neo!). After all, I put up the poll and asked y’all to vote and y’all did. You asked me to keep Abi open and I was going to ignore that and shut it anyway. Again, not cool, and I’m sorry for that. I let the usual fandom bullshit piss me off instead of slamming it back down like I always do, and those that have been faithful to the work nearly got fucked over through no fault of their own.

*Shamefully hangs head*

Now that that’s cleared up, know that Absolution, my gallery (though the location may change), and whatever else I add to InuGrrrl [dot] Net will remain visible (unless I give up my server). However, it will be closed on occasion for maintenance.

My stance on awards, though, remains the same. Winning them is never worth the BS I get from those ‘factions’ I mentioned. They can choke on their precious banners until they’re dead. 😀

We cool? Good.

Now, let’s talk FICTION! I’m feeling the writing bug a little, so there will be updates. I finally posted something for Hikari, and I must say, I’m really happy with how it turned out. I started the next chapter, too. I’m also working on another old one -but it’s not on the current poll. And speaking of the poll, “Money. Power. Respect.” seems to be in the lead, so unless that changes, I’m going to be dusting that one off soon.

But you’ll have to bear with me. With the carpal, I type a lot slower than I used to and that adds to the time it takes to get something up. Also, they won’t be long chapters. The 10K I did for Hikari was just because I was completely in my zone and wanted to stop at a certain point. The average chap will be in the 3000-4000 range (or less <.<). If you're reading this, and legitimately read my stuff, what do YOU want to see updated that I haven't mentioned yet? Post it here and I'll try to make something happen. 0.~ And then there's Neo. I don't know how many times or ways I can say this, but she is just so fucking awesome. She made some new headers for Abi from existing fanart I had and they’re fantastic. She also finished turning that I/K wallpaper she made for me into a header for my birf-day (I plan to have a new skin to mark the occasion) and it’s so pretty! ::hearts::

So expect to see even more looks on Abi soon, cause what’s the point of going to a fiction site that looks like a fucking newspaper? An InuYasha archive is supposed to be FUN, a place that’s visually pleasing with lots of fanfare. Not a business website you can sneak on when you should be at work, and if that is your thing, then ya know where not to come!

Okay, I’m ghost! I’m going to write a bit, and maybe work on one of the new skins. Squee.

Baby! Baby! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby!!!!!