Beyond Redemption

Let me make this clear.

My updates usually take a while, and as a result, some people have chosen to stop reading them or wait until they’re completed to read them. That’s their choice (and if they’re waiting for completion, well, I sincerely hope they make the member list when Absolution goes private or they’ll never read the endings) and I’m fine with either one.

But if my updates take too long and you’re pissed off about that, keep it to yourself because I don’t want to hear it. Those who read this blog have a small idea of what I’m going through in my personal life, but trust me when I say it’s small. I still update for no other reason than to provide entertainment for you guys.

My pleasure for writing IY fic diminished ages ago. I don’t have to update. I don’t owe anyone anything, truth be told. I still do it because I care and I want to provide conclusions for the stories you’ve loved and given your time to.

So when you visit my site and leave a review, do me -and yourself- a favor by minding your fucking manners. Don’t assume that you can complain to me and I’ll apologize to you for it because you’d be sadly mistaken. The only thing you’ll get from me are choice words and an invitation to leave and never return. On my homepage it clearly states “DON’T PISS ME OFF.” Those are words to live by if you intend to stick around. And if you don’t, buh-bye. It’s been a slice.

To those who left such funny and “heartbroken” reviews: Glomps.
I always appreciate your kindness and I loved your reactions. So cute. <3 Now, onto important news. Absolution will be going private in March. The member list will become available sometime after my birthday on Friday. That’s when you guys will get to see if your name is posted and contact me for your passwords. If your name is not listed, then either you reviewed under a name I can’t use on the site, or you never reviewed regularly, if at all, and didn’t make the cut. If you are a reviewer and didn’t get on the list, you’ll be given a chance to e-mail me with certain info, and provided it checks out, you’ll be added to the list and all will be well. If you never reviewed, but intend to start and be consistent with it, you can note me and ask for an account. (I don’t bite, so no need to be bashful about it). That is all. Happy Sunday.

Just wanted to let y’all know that Absolution isn’t closed for some morbid reason. I haven’t done any maintenance on it in months, so since I’m not updating right now, this was a good time to do it. So, no worries. The site and gallery will be back shortly. ^^

So, I’m cleaning some house. I’ll be leaving FFN by the end of the summer, I’m pretty sure. I don’t update there anymore. IHE 9 was the last chapter I’m willing to post there. I’ve been plagiarized too many times there and I’m done with that cesspool of active and thriving thieves. No one does anything to combat the stealing, so fuck that shit-hole.

The only place my stories will be found is Absolution and Deviant Art, and I only post small things at the latter, with the exception of GFE. Their formatting, despite changes, still sucks, so it’s a hassle to put bigger fics there. (Plus, I’m lazy :P)

In other words, I’m consolidating in a big way. I’ve removed the few stories I had posted at Eternal Destiny and have no intention of posting any more. That site was made for other people to use, not me. If you don’t come to Abi, you don’t read IG, and that will be that until I close shop.

I’m also closing Inu-Verse (The AU archive). The entire time I was making it, and running into mess after mess with putting it together (Technical stuff), that was my instinct telling me that I didn’t want another responsibility (because that had never happened before). I should have listened. And since it’s just a few months old, and isn’t going to displace many people, now is the time to be done with it.

I guess you can say I’m making my presence smaller and smaller until I’m gone. Or, you can say that until I call it quits, I really want to be surrounded by my true “lovelies” and supporters and I’m cutting off all the other bullshit. I think I’ve given back enough to the fandom that has abused me for a good portion of my stint and now it’s all about me and what makes me happy.

And it’s about time, honestly.

Eternal Destiny is my offspring, so it will stand until its no longer useful to anyone. Absolution will remain open until I’ve told my last IY tale. Then, it may just stand as an archive of who IG used to be. We’ll see how I feel when the time comes.

And while I’m here, I want to give a quick, but huge, thanks to everyone who’s been reviewing at the site and encouraging me to continue. I appreciate that you’re unselfish enough to take a minute to say a kind line or two about the work. As you can see, it’s been motivational. I may even take some update requests if you mention them in your comments. ^^

Aight. I’m out.

So, I said I’d be writing and I haven’t. I’ve had some shady personal shit going on, plus I’ve been consuming manga like a mad chick, so I just haven’t been writing when I said I would. Sorry. The plan is to start rectifying that today, but I don’t know when I’ll actually post. In other words, I don’t know how long this is gonna take. I have the list ready of fics that won’t be finished, so when you start seeing PERMANENT HIATUS in summaries, you’ll know which ones they are. To those people that may feel jipped by that, apologies. I never intend to start something and walk away, but sometimes the heart just dies, and when that happens, nothing good will come from continuing…

Anyway, I hope you stick around for the ones that will get an ending, and huge thank yous to the people that have left reviews, e-mails, and notes thru Absolution & ff.net lately expressing how much you enjoy the stories and want updates. If you only knew how you guys are the only thing motivating me to finish the fics that aren’t being cut. lol. I may not be posting to ff.net anymore, though. If/when that happens, I will leave a/ns letting readers there know if the story will be continued at Absolution.

Onto another severance. I deaded my facebook account (the acct is still there due to Eternal Destiny’s page, which is connected. But otherwise, that account is no more.) and deleted my twitter account. My instant messenger under InuGrrrl is also dead, as is the e-mail address attached to it. Goodie page is also dead (Am and Kimmy, you’ll always have the hook up. LOL.)

In brighter news, I met a new artist who does cute manga style art. I wanted to try him out (I always love having new artists to commission) and asked him to make a chibi patterned after me. She is adorable. I totally love her because she’s just a simple little picture of cuteness. I’ve since passed her onto Neo for her magic touch and can’t wait to see what she does with her. In the meantime, tho, I’m planning my next chibi project for him. Probably something with Yasha since he and I will still be together a while longer.

This week is also Kau’s birfday! 😀 (Not that it would matter to y’all. lol.) But she’s my sister and has been there with me no matter what it is, no matter when or where. She cannot, and would not, ever be replaced, and since she’s been bugging me for the longest about a certain pairing, I’m going to do it for her. I don’t think it’s going up on Absolution *hides from her* but I’m really going to try to do a little oneshot or drabble for her. I have no idea about what -I may just let her choose the plot- but I’m gonna do it now before it never happens. Annnnnd she makes these cake balls. Hard to explain, but they’re like cake lollipops (google it) and she’s sending me a box of them tomorrow in almond and pistachio. *Faints from the suga rush*

Now that you’re caught up, I’m out.

EDIT: My doll for The Neighbor is finally finished and he’s awesome. My nee-chan drew the face for me and Notoes did ‘what she do’ and he looks great. I waited ages for him, so I’m really happy with the result. Pics will be in the gallery shortly. Yay!

So…. I’ve done a whole new crop of thinking.

Okay, this is the deal, written out so that my point of view is understood. Fandom and I are not really friends. I won’t go into a long, drawn-out thing; I’ll just say that there have been people within certain factions of the InuYasha fandom that have deliberately, willfully done things in the hopes of ostracizing me and making my “fandom life” hell. This has been done in the form of many cheap shots, underhanded nonsense, lies, rumors, and utter bullshit that only a ‘fandom child’ would dream up. It actually boggles the mind when I think about the absurdity of some of the shit they’ve pulled and the amount of time they have invested in it.

Completely laughable, but okay.

That said, it stands to reason that I have a lot of bitterness in me. Remember, these faceless attackers are not people that I actually know on any level. Hence, why I call them faceless. If I’ve said a sentence to any of them at any point in my 4+ years of writing, it would be considered a lot, because for the life of me, I’ve never had any dealings with these people that I can recall.

But, I digress.

The bitterness is what makes me pull away from everything and want to close myself off. If I’m getting slammed by strangers that I never did anything to, getting plagiarized up the ass, having my commissioned art lifted -what would one expect? What would one do? They’d become more introverted and standoffish because they don’t want to deal with any more crap. That’s why I yanked my fics from award contention and was ready to close my personal domain to the public at large. I’m a fighter. Always have been, but sometimes you need to choose your battles and this fandom fuckery didn’t feel worth it, especially when someone close to me is in turmoil and I’m worried and dealing with important shit, real shit. So, that was the plan. Close up shop and fuck it.

Then, I got an e-mail from someone whose opinion I truly value and she stood up for the “silent reader”. You know, the ones that come to the site all the time, but never say a word. So, they’re there, but not there. She explained to me how their minds are probably working and it got me thinking. Shutting access to my personal shit would be fine. I stop people from stealing from me on all levels and I don’t deal with phantoms hanging around being spies on my journals and shit like they do now.

*Waves at my unwanted visitors*

But I also cut every silent reader off at the knees, and the ones that are too shy/quiet/whatever to ask for a password are left out in the cold. Now, Yeah. I can say, “so what?”, but y’all know that’s not me. I hate the thought of just slamming the door in the faces of people that have invested time in me. Let’s face it, time is the most precious commodity there is, and once it’s gone, you can’t get it back. So, imagine all the time they spent on fics I’ve written, or time they’ve spent waiting for updates, and then I say, “See ya” and lock the door? That’s kinda fucked up. The flip side, though, is that by staying open, I am open to all -not just the cool, but quiet, ones. That’s fucked up, too.

Decisions, decisions.

So, I’ve decided to back flip. Yeah, it sucks, but I’m doing it. I’m not selfish enough to shit on people the way I’ve been shat on. It’s just not cool. Instead, I’ll have to take greater measures to keep certain things sacred (Thanks Neo!). After all, I put up the poll and asked y’all to vote and y’all did. You asked me to keep Abi open and I was going to ignore that and shut it anyway. Again, not cool, and I’m sorry for that. I let the usual fandom bullshit piss me off instead of slamming it back down like I always do, and those that have been faithful to the work nearly got fucked over through no fault of their own.

*Shamefully hangs head*

Now that that’s cleared up, know that Absolution, my gallery (though the location may change), and whatever else I add to InuGrrrl [dot] Net will remain visible (unless I give up my server). However, it will be closed on occasion for maintenance.

My stance on awards, though, remains the same. Winning them is never worth the BS I get from those ‘factions’ I mentioned. They can choke on their precious banners until they’re dead. 😀

We cool? Good.

Now, let’s talk FICTION! I’m feeling the writing bug a little, so there will be updates. I finally posted something for Hikari, and I must say, I’m really happy with how it turned out. I started the next chapter, too. I’m also working on another old one -but it’s not on the current poll. And speaking of the poll, “Money. Power. Respect.” seems to be in the lead, so unless that changes, I’m going to be dusting that one off soon.

But you’ll have to bear with me. With the carpal, I type a lot slower than I used to and that adds to the time it takes to get something up. Also, they won’t be long chapters. The 10K I did for Hikari was just because I was completely in my zone and wanted to stop at a certain point. The average chap will be in the 3000-4000 range (or less <.<). If you're reading this, and legitimately read my stuff, what do YOU want to see updated that I haven't mentioned yet? Post it here and I'll try to make something happen. 0.~ And then there's Neo. I don't know how many times or ways I can say this, but she is just so fucking awesome. She made some new headers for Abi from existing fanart I had and they’re fantastic. She also finished turning that I/K wallpaper she made for me into a header for my birf-day (I plan to have a new skin to mark the occasion) and it’s so pretty! ::hearts::

So expect to see even more looks on Abi soon, cause what’s the point of going to a fiction site that looks like a fucking newspaper? An InuYasha archive is supposed to be FUN, a place that’s visually pleasing with lots of fanfare. Not a business website you can sneak on when you should be at work, and if that is your thing, then ya know where not to come!

Okay, I’m ghost! I’m going to write a bit, and maybe work on one of the new skins. Squee.

Baby! Baby! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby!!!!!

You know, it wasn’t my intention to come in here and vent today. I was actually having a pretty good day and spent last night looking at older stories, as well as writing some newer ones. The goal: To re-familiarize myself with past works in order to update, or in some cases, finish them. But then, I get some mail from a wonderful friend alerting me that someone came to one of my sites and lifted some art of mine to use as their avatar, or whatever. Now, that in of itself is annoying because I pay for my art for a reason -to keep it exclusive to me for use on my websites.

But what makes something more annoying is when it’s my actual likeness being used. Yup. Someone used a piece I received as a gift, a pic based on what I actually look like, and posted it as their own. But what makes it insidious is that it was taken directly from one of my headers and cropped without so much as credit to where it actually came from or who it actually was. I’m not pissed, really, but it was some real tool shit to do, particularly when they had me faved as an author. If it was a “fan” thing with no maliciousness meant, why not just ask? I’ve had people do that before, but the complete disregard just wasn’t cool, especially when that image, in that particular background, is exclusive to my site. (I know because I created the background myself.)

It got me thinking about Absolution and all of the headaches I can avoid if I password protect it, thus cutting off general access. If I do that, no one can even look at the pages of my sites (I can do it to each one) without going through me. It would narrow down the guest list and give me a better idea of who is coming into my house. And I realize that doing that won’t completely safeguard me from nonsense, but it would certainly give me more control over who comes into my home. I’m also aware of the poll numbers, but shit like this fucking annoys me.

I don’t know if y’all have noticed or not, but I’m pretty far away from the rest of the fandom. Only a small portion of my stories are posted outside of my personal sites, and that’s at ff.net because I was (and still am) getting plagiarized there. So I started posting to establish more of a presence. I also post a few things at Deviant Art, mostly short stuff (i.e. oneshots and novellas), but Absolution and IG.Net as a whole, is my fucking HOME and I don’t appreciate people feeling like they can, and should, violate that.

I don’t fuck with anyone. I mind my own business and it’s rare when I come outside of my bubble. I have severed my ties with 90% of the IY fandom, going as far as to remove my stories from nomination contention at the Feudal Association (I didn’t bother with the IYFG; they make sure a win with them is a rarity, and after the way I’ve been spit on there for no reason, I wouldn’t waste my time even sending a note) because winning art or a banner simply isn’t worth the dramatics that follow.

(That doesn’t mean you should stop participating in ED’s awards, though. That’s a community thing based on what the ED community enjoys. It’s closed off and doesn’t involve the entire fandom, thus making it a much more pleasant experience. /Plug. lol.)

I don’t even read much fanfic anymore because it’s a bit disheartening when you end up enjoying someone’s work then find out through the vine that she’s been badmouthing you. Never mind that you don’t know her and never did shit to her. But that’s what this fandom is. It’s full of petty jealousies and immature children disguised as women in their 30’s, 40’s, and yes, 50’s. I fought against that kind of shit since “GO”, and I know I’ve encouraged many to ignore their critics and write for the fun of it, but my activist days are pretty much over. I’m happy and content in my own little world without the “frills”.

I’ve got a great set of regulars that check out the stories and leave nice reviews. They appreciate the work and they kick it with me and we have a good time. That’s all I care about now. These hags can keep the rest of the bullshit to themselves -they’re so welcome to it.

Anyway, back on topic. I’m probably going to close Abi to the public in the next few weeks. How it would work is when you come to the site, a menu will drop down asking you for a username and a password. This information would be the same for everyone that visits, however, it is subject to change. Those that get a password/username have to agree that they’re not going to give it out. I have the capability to track visitors by IP address and I am in possession of most of yours. If I start seeing numbers I don’t recognize, I will lock that person out of the site, or if necessary, change the password and username again.

I know, it’s crappy, but I’m sick of these people and I don’t need/want the dumb shit involved with just trying to maintain a place of my own where I feel comfortable and at ease. Most of y’all have my e-mail address, or you can get it from Absolution. If you want to still have access to the site, please mail me with the penname you use for reviews, and when it’s time, you’ll get mail from me with log in info. And yes, the people that will probably be getting in are people that review. Why? Because I know them a bit more personally, and they’re not just lurkers, hanging around for whatever reason.

And yes, I know it will drastically cut down the availability of my fiction. That’s the idea. I’m closing off circulation to the majority of my stories and allowing people in that appreciate my work and respect me on a whole. This is not a move of arrogance; I don’t think my fics are so “awesome” they need exclusivity. This is about not having my shit hijacked by random people.

Again, this is a few weeks off; I want to give my regulars time to get the news and contact me for the login. I’m sorry it even had to come to this, but my hand is being forced.

Happy Friday.

EDIT: I heard back from the person that lifted my likeness and there was an apology with a deletion. (I’m very appreciative of that. I’m not used to people actually stepping up when they’re in the wrong) Turns out, she got the pic from another person, though. Kinda justifies why I need to close my doors, doesn’t it?

EDIT II: I just got a review from an author whose fics I’ve always loved and she’s been gone a LONG while. It gave me pause. Had Abi been closed, she never would have gotten to say hello. Damn. That just messed me all up, lol.

Welp, I reopened my LJ account, but not for the reason y’all might think. Something happened with someone I know a while back, and thanks to several nudges from Onna-mom, I decided to keep my account because that’s my name. I won’t be posting any updates there whatsoever, though. You’ll still need to come here to catch up with a Grrrl. xD

And speaking of catching up, can you believe I’m on the crux of completing my OC fic? Wow. I knew I could do it and all, but I also know that I get flighty with fictions and will start on a roll, then taper off. But happily, I can report that it hasn’t happened. I have one chapter left, which I’m going to start today, and then we lay it down. How awesome is that?? I’m hoping it rubs off on the rest of my fic arsenal! I have some gift oneshots and two-fers to deliver, so here’s to hoping my inspiration holds out. And again, thanks, everyone, for coming out and showing that story some love. It was really encouraging to see positive reviews. Squee!

But with every sunny day, a drop of rain must fall. Updating as fast I have (5 chaps in 2 weeks is pretty good), my hands are getting angry. Fucking shitty-ass carpal tunnel just wrecks my damn life! Each chap has been between 4000 and 5100 words, which is not massive, but it’s not small and I’m starting to feel it. So, I’ll be writing a bit slower (the faster you type, the more they hurt) and getting new stuff to you as I can. After all, it helps no one when my brain wants to write and my hands won’t allow it.

I still haven’t watched the new IY episode. Amber green-lighted it, but Jenn was not pleased, so I’m torn. I will probably skip it for now. I don’t want to watch canon while I finish up this fic. Plus, if I don’t like what I see, I’ll be hating on InuYasha, which isn’t a good idea when I’m writing a Canon Yasha fic. <.< Okay, I'm off. If I owe you mail -you know who ya are- it will be coming throughout the weekend. EDIT: So, I decided to change my wordpress layout. I still have my old one, but this one grabs me a lot, so yeah. I like it, though altering the css wasn’t all that fun. >.< Also, I got a nice surprise. JMaxwell finally snatched me up this morning and sent me 2 new songs! If you didn't know, he plays the piano and he's the one that made that InuYasha version of "Carol of the Bells" for me (You can hear it on Eternal Destiny now). He's freakin awesome! *squees softly* He always sends me the latest stuff he's been working on and I totally love this. Therefore, all of you are gonna hear it and love it with me! 😀 It's called "Better Late Than Never" and I think >.> that has a lot to do with how MIA I’ve been lately. Hehehe…

Happy Thursday! ^_^

Just the way I love him...

This week has been interesting, to say the least, and I’ve come to a few decisions.

Lately, people around me have been trippin’ and I have no idea why. I stay out of people’s shit, period. I try not to take sides, or get involved in any way because I’ve got problems of my own. Plus, I’m really a “live and let live” person. If you didn’t do anything to me personally, I have no reason to hate on you. It’s just too bad that some will look at that stance like I’m being intentionally distant, or whatever, when the truth is that I just don’t want to be in any shit storms that have jackbone to do with me. Really, who does?

That said, as just about everyone knows, I all but left LiveJournal around March of 2009. My last real post there was on my birthday when I thanked everyone for the wonderful gifts and for remembering a Grrrl. Right after that, I opened this wordpress and I haven’t been there since other than to wish happy birthdays. I haven’t seen my f-list in about 6 months, and when I do show up there, it’s to deal with InuRomp and Challenge Destiny. In fact, I think y’all know that I purged my LJ some time ago. At least No-No knows because she asked me about it on here. I did that because I have an aversion to LJ and I always have.

The shit that goes on there is epically stupid, and I’m not in high school. Grown women trippin’ isn’t fun for me, and since I only wrote for one community for a short time and haven’t posted anything there since, my only reason for keeping that account is for the comms I run. And in case y’all didn’t know (prolly not), I’m leaving InuRomp when this fall challenge I started with Salome is over next month. She’s leaving as well and we’re passing it to a couple of great members who are happy and excited about running it. This decision was made about 2 months ago, because like I said, I don’t have a reason to be on LJ.

As for ED’s community, that, I plan to keep, provided there is interest within the membership come June. However, I can run that with my mods from the ED LiveJournal account. InuGrrrl does not have to have an LJ in order to do her duties there, so she won’t.

Yes, I’m closing my LiveJournal account as soon as I comfortably can. I want absolutely nothing to do with that place or anything that happens there anymore. It’s not worth it. And know this, when I close it I’m going to say so and if anyone EVER tries to friends you as me, DO NOT FRIEND THEM BACK BECAUSE IT WILL NOT BE ME.

And there will be other changes. As some of you know, I’ve been trying to inch out of the Feudal Association for a while now, which is why there is a mod’s group in place -to take over. I have since told them that they need a new webmistress/master. It doesn’t look like any effort has been made to find one, and that’s going to be sad, because I’m not doing it this term. I’m too busy and I made it known that I was stepping down from the site 2 months ago. So, I can only hope that someone will be interested in building a new site for them.

Then, there is The Boiler Room (my yaoi site). I’ve been mulling it over, and I think I’m going to close it. I built it with someone specific in mind, and through no fault of her own, she all but had to leave fandom/writing and, for me, it hasn’t been the same since. I mean, it’s a pretty little site with a few members, but overall, I don’t see a real reason to keep it open. It’s not nearly as busy as ED, and with the domain needing renewing in a few months, it may be the opportune time to send out the warning letters to the authors and close up shop.

I’m also closing my account at Y! Gallery. I’m never there, and ever since I had a little incident there some months back over the STUPIDEST SHIT EVER, it was just another nail in the coffin for this fandom. People are just… yeah. So, I’m closing that account today. I’m also closing my account at that hentai site, and paper demon, and loads of other places. I have no need of them, and at this point, I’m withdrawing and retreating into my own shit, anyway. I own a slew of websites; I don’t need to be anywhere else. Everyone I care about, and who cares about me, knows how to find me when they need me. All this other shit is just that -shit- and I’m done with it.

EDIT: Apparently, Y Gal doesn’t let you delete an account. So I just deleted all my fics from there and removed all my personal stuff. I also contacted the owner of Paper Demon -after deleting all my stuff- and asked her to close my account there. I just closed my Hentai Foundry account. Squee! I’m on a fucking roll.

I’m serious about withdrawing from fandom, in an overall sense, and just keeping with my own sites and the people that still want to read my fics on MY site. I may even close my ff.net account. I’m deliberating that one, though, because I try to stay conscious of the feelings of the people that have taken the time to read and review my work there. It’s a shitty site, no question, that has provided a safe haven for plagiarists (I know because I was plagiarized there 4 times). But I try really hard not to sweep everyone with a broad stroke. So, I may finish updating whatever I started there, but I won’t be submitting any brand new stories.

And last but not least, I know y’all have seen me mention it a few times, but I really am deliberating closing Absolution to the general public and pretty much giving house keys to my friends, and the lovelies that take the time to review.

Why? Because honestly, I don’t like the idea of having 400 people read a chapter in 2 days time and not review or let me know who they are in any way. I don’t think it would kill anyone to say what they may have enjoyed about the chap, but more to the point, I don’t like the idea of nameless, faceless masses being inside my personal archive.

One of the fictions that was stolen -twice- is Rebound, and the second time it happened, it was only posted on Absolution. That means that someone came directly into my house and stole from me, and I’m sorry, but that fucking infuriated me. If someone can’t refrain from stealing, or even better, leave a review just to set my mind at ease about who was in my house, then why am I letting them in?

That said, like I mentioned a minute ago, I try to stay conscious of the feelings of people that read my work. That’s why this new poll is up. If you visit this blog, then vote and give me an idea of what you’re thinking. Trust me, I’m taking it all into consideration.

Last, I’m writing again (as y’all have seen) and I’m doing as much as I can while my brain is being nice to me. I haven’t even been to facebook in the last few days, so I can tell that I’m getting my shit together and getting back into finishing my fics. That’s why it’s important that I start seeing something from my readers. I really don’t want to lock the castle doors and have people miss out on updates for fics they’ve invested their time in. However, I will, if it’s a question of protecting my house.

I guess New Year’s resolutions are coming early.

EDIT: My LiveJournal has been deleted. Y’all know how to find me when you need me! 😛