Beyond Redemption

Yesterday, I hated the entire planet. Today, not so much.

I think yesterday was the implosion of a really bad month, a cold that’s starting to really suck, and topped off with last night’s appearance of that monthly visit we women enjoy fucking hate oh, so much. Yeah, I was ripe for a dose of rage. But I’m good today.

Anyway, onto the fanfiction. I’m not sure what will happy story-wise after FA month. I think many readers take for granted that I’ll just keep churning shit out while they never even take a moment to say “thank you” or “I enjoyed this”. Seriously, you shouldn’t get accustomed to me automatically coming back after what seems like a long hiatus. Without any notice at all I shut down several of my websites and pulled my fics from just about everywhere I posted other than Absolution (including Eternal Destiny). That’s pretty much how I disappear. Silently.

My stories have hundreds of hits per new chapter, but most never say word and it gets me into the mindset that I’m wasting my time because they probably didn’t like the update. And if they didn’t like the update, what the hell am I doing it for when I have carpal tunnel and a lifelong illness that could probably use more attention? I’m still in love with InuYasha, but I’m no longer in love with writing. It’s more work than fun, so if I don’t think my readers are honestly enjoying my fics, and I don’t feel appreciated for taking time out of my life to entertain them, I’m going to stop making them available to the masses.

What does that mean for you? Simply put, I’m on good terms with my loyal reviewers because I interact with them regularly and know I can trust them inside my site. They’ll be given “reader accounts” on Absolution (which I do not allow at present) that will give them logged in access to my fanfiction. To explain further, if you’ve ever visited Eternal Destiny, you’ll see that adult-rated stories require logged in access. At Absolution, ALL stories will require logged in access. Visitors will still see the front page of the site and what’s been updated, but those without an account won’t be able to read anything.

I withdrew from 90% of this fandom and their awards groups for a reason, folks, and if you’ve been around long enough, you know why. After all that strife and daily battles with these assholes (which still occur at times), I’m over a lot of shit, especially now when just staying healthy is a struggle. I want to surround myself with people who support the work I put in because they understand that they’re the only reason why said work continues to exist.

And no, this isn’t a threat, just an airing of my intentions. I don’t write for myself anymore. I stopped doing that ages ago when I became disillusioned with fandom. And if those whom I do write for don’t really enjoy the updates like they used to, I shouldn’t keep offering it to them when there are a billion other IY authors/stories out there that I’m sure they’ll like better.

So, that’s the long and short of it. FA Month will continue because fans should be appreciated, even if it doesn’t always work both ways. However, I may hold off on posting any updates for a bit and try posting 2-3 at once. Haven’t decided yet, but figured I’d mention it in case I do.

I’m working on some gift stuff, too. Not sure when it will be ready (Or if it will be any good. Argh, damn block!), but a few of my vocal supporters got some goodies coming! I want to acknowledge as many of them as I can before my imagination (and hands) give out for good. It’s my “thank you” for being as great as you guys are. Really hoping that you’ll like what da IG is cookin’ <3 😛 EDIT: A bajillion thanks to my Neo for making this super cute Kevin Woo wallpaper for me. I FUCKING LOVE HIM!

EDIT II: This is what I mean by putting shit in perspective and letting go of things and people who choose to neither be seen nor heard. My good friend, Sandy, is undergoing a heartbreaking surgery as I type this, but she still took a minute to drop me a line of support at a time when she should only be concerned with herself. Definitely puts things into perspective for me and I’m praying hard that she makes a full recovery. Never give up, my friend. <333