Beyond Redemption

My arm is a lot better today. I was pretty hurt yesterday and couldn’t move it much, but today it’s acting more like itself. I’m even getting a bit of writing in. Woo. But it’s definitely not 100%, so I need to take it easy. Boo.

Have you guys seen the official trailer for The Great Gatsby? It looks good (I love Leo), but the music -wah. Jack White’s cover of “Love is Blindness” is too fucking cool. Reminds me of The Mars Volta and definitely worth checking out.

Can’t wait until Thursday! ^_______^

Finally, I have a few days off where I won’t need to get up at the crack of fucking dawn and be gone all day! Woo! That means I can make a meaningful attempt at writing until the end of the week when it all begins again…

My pissy post from the other day day was NOT fandom related. That was real life putting me through the paces. And the closure of the site wasn’t related to it, either. I usually shut down (Not all the time, though) when I’m going to back up my content and/or perform maintenance. >.> But sometimes I forget to reopen the site again. Heh.

Admittedly, sometimes I close shop for a bit because visitors are doing things that get on my fucking nerves. So, unfortunately for everyone else, they end up paying for the actions of one. It really depends. But yeah, wanted to put that out there.

Not a lot to do today, so I’m going to try to get some writing done. Not sure which story will get hit up, or if I’ll finish in time to post tonight, but I’ll see what I can do.

U-KISS before Xander and Kibum were replaced with AJ and Hoon.

EDIT: And, of course, stuff happened and I didn’t get any writing done yet. SIGH.

Had to get that out. 😛

Man, because of FA Month I haven’t read any manga in almost 2 weeks! I’m going through withdrawals, dammit! >_< And it's funny, because I'm a person who never used to read manga. I started getting into it in the past year, or so, heavily. InuYasha was the only one (and I still haven't read half of that). But I don't read "epic" stuff. I read small mangas with just a few volumes and oneshots/compilations of oneshots. I particularly like Korean manhwa and smut stories. They're the cream in my latte! \o/ I know many enjoy the biggies (Like Fairytale or Naruto), but after InuYasha, ginormous shit like that is a turn off. I don't even care for stuff that goes past 20 chapters unless the story is really good. I don't want to invest that kind of time. So it's been hard seeing that mountain of notifications in my inbox and knowing I don't have the time to read to my heart's content. >.> Hell, I think they may be the reason why y’all can’t get proper updates!

But anyway -thanks for voting in the poll about the old fics and LOTS of thanks to everyone who took a minute to review the latest chapter of GFE. I really do appreciate it, and even though my hands are bugging me (just a little. I have my braces and I’m putting them to use), I did get a chance to respond to all of them. So, again, thank you!

As for going private with Abi, I’ve posted a new Terms of Service that I’ll be adding to today, and in it, it spells out how things will work and how reader accounts will be distributed. I haven’t announced when the site will go on lockdown, but the other info is there. Take a peek whenever you like; that page will always be available to the public.

See ya at the next update!

ABBY: If you’re reading this, e-mail me please.

Yesterday, I hated the entire planet. Today, not so much.

I think yesterday was the implosion of a really bad month, a cold that’s starting to really suck, and topped off with last night’s appearance of that monthly visit we women enjoy fucking hate oh, so much. Yeah, I was ripe for a dose of rage. But I’m good today.

Anyway, onto the fanfiction. I’m not sure what will happy story-wise after FA month. I think many readers take for granted that I’ll just keep churning shit out while they never even take a moment to say “thank you” or “I enjoyed this”. Seriously, you shouldn’t get accustomed to me automatically coming back after what seems like a long hiatus. Without any notice at all I shut down several of my websites and pulled my fics from just about everywhere I posted other than Absolution (including Eternal Destiny). That’s pretty much how I disappear. Silently.

My stories have hundreds of hits per new chapter, but most never say word and it gets me into the mindset that I’m wasting my time because they probably didn’t like the update. And if they didn’t like the update, what the hell am I doing it for when I have carpal tunnel and a lifelong illness that could probably use more attention? I’m still in love with InuYasha, but I’m no longer in love with writing. It’s more work than fun, so if I don’t think my readers are honestly enjoying my fics, and I don’t feel appreciated for taking time out of my life to entertain them, I’m going to stop making them available to the masses.

What does that mean for you? Simply put, I’m on good terms with my loyal reviewers because I interact with them regularly and know I can trust them inside my site. They’ll be given “reader accounts” on Absolution (which I do not allow at present) that will give them logged in access to my fanfiction. To explain further, if you’ve ever visited Eternal Destiny, you’ll see that adult-rated stories require logged in access. At Absolution, ALL stories will require logged in access. Visitors will still see the front page of the site and what’s been updated, but those without an account won’t be able to read anything.

I withdrew from 90% of this fandom and their awards groups for a reason, folks, and if you’ve been around long enough, you know why. After all that strife and daily battles with these assholes (which still occur at times), I’m over a lot of shit, especially now when just staying healthy is a struggle. I want to surround myself with people who support the work I put in because they understand that they’re the only reason why said work continues to exist.

And no, this isn’t a threat, just an airing of my intentions. I don’t write for myself anymore. I stopped doing that ages ago when I became disillusioned with fandom. And if those whom I do write for don’t really enjoy the updates like they used to, I shouldn’t keep offering it to them when there are a billion other IY authors/stories out there that I’m sure they’ll like better.

So, that’s the long and short of it. FA Month will continue because fans should be appreciated, even if it doesn’t always work both ways. However, I may hold off on posting any updates for a bit and try posting 2-3 at once. Haven’t decided yet, but figured I’d mention it in case I do.

I’m working on some gift stuff, too. Not sure when it will be ready (Or if it will be any good. Argh, damn block!), but a few of my vocal supporters got some goodies coming! I want to acknowledge as many of them as I can before my imagination (and hands) give out for good. It’s my “thank you” for being as great as you guys are. Really hoping that you’ll like what da IG is cookin’ <3 😛 EDIT: A bajillion thanks to my Neo for making this super cute Kevin Woo wallpaper for me. I FUCKING LOVE HIM!

EDIT II: This is what I mean by putting shit in perspective and letting go of things and people who choose to neither be seen nor heard. My good friend, Sandy, is undergoing a heartbreaking surgery as I type this, but she still took a minute to drop me a line of support at a time when she should only be concerned with herself. Definitely puts things into perspective for me and I’m praying hard that she makes a full recovery. Never give up, my friend. <333

I heard that song on Sirius and loved it the moment that guy opened his mouth. And the title, “I’m Made of Wax, Larry. What Are You Made Of?“, was just the cherry on the fucking sundae! Totally love this shit.

Anyways, quickie update, complete with filthy, yaoi art. 😀

I decided to commission a pic for my Kau because she’s a big yaoi-head and really enjoys a seme InuYasha pounding into a uke Kouga (and any time Kouga gets ‘fucked’, literally, or figuratively, IG is a happy camper because I’m not a fan. >.>).

His grimace is priceless. Hurt much? LOL.

In other news, I’ve received all my personal IY commissions, so now it’s just a matter of Neo -the fabulous- finishing up the headers. I gave some input, but she comes up with some really cute stuff on her own, so I eagerly await her awesomeness. In the meantime, a new header will show up with my next update. It won’t be the art that I had made for that particular story, but seriously, do you really give a shit? As long as it’s some hot, new Yasha, I think you all will be just fine. 😀

Just looked at the latest poll. You guys should have actually voted because I was fully prepared to resurrect whatever got the popular vote, but that won’t be happening now. They’re dead. It’s done. Sorry.

And again, thanks to those that have left reviews at Abi and the ton of reviews that were left at ff.net. I think it’s the most reviews I’ve ever gotten for a single chapter in a serial over there. (My audience was never at FFN.) I didn’t get to answer all the comments, but I will eventually. Just know that I read everything you guys send me. Everything.

My sleeping schedule is still off, so I’ve been awake all night. Bad habit I have and I can’t rid of it. I’ll sleep like a normal person for a while, then I revert back into a vampire. WTF? But the good news is that I’ve been writing while I can’t sleep, so a chapter will post this weekend for a fic that has always gotten a lot of love, but hasn’t been updated in ages. (I didn’t realize it’s been over a year until a reader reminded me. I feel awful for that because I personally love this fic!) But hopefully, you guys will welcome it back with happy words.

Aight, I’m out!

Rest in Peace, Grandpa George.
New York loves you and we miss you already.

What a fucking week. So work is kicking up a lot -happens every summer- and today I did a 24 hr all nighter. The plan was to have off, but then I got a begging call to fill in and I went. Only high point is that there was a comp for me to play with. By the time I reached home I was just dead on my feet. I woke up at 11pm and shit. Ungh. But my sleep patterns were already shitty (aren’t they always?), so there ya have it.

I think I made a few shit lists this month, too. But the way I feel right now? I don’t even care. I’m tired. Either love me, or leave me alone.

The anniversary of my Gram’s death is upon me, so I’m shittier, but fighting it. I did good with mom’s b-day this year and I’m determined to deal with this the same way. However, I do have a “so-fucking-what” attitude right now. *shrugs*

The writing is coming slowly. I’ve given up on The Neighbor for the moment because I’m viciously blocked and the more I work on it (and hate it), the more I start to hate the whole fic (Yeah. Temperamental writer.) So before it goes there, I’ll put it down and take a breather. There is a patch of good news with that fic, though. I commissioned art for it, so that oughta rock out loud. Maybe it will inspire another string of updates. I hate to disappoint, especially since people were actually reviewing for a change, but I can’t give what I don’t have. However, I did see my poll numbers. *dirty grin* I’ll take those results into serious account when I write the next few chapters, but remember, no crying when you asked for it! xD

I started working on the next chapter of The Knife of Romance. Someone reviewed it the other day and reminded me that it’s been a while (Thanks for that, if you read this journal. I need those taps on the shoulder or time will run away from me.). In fact, it’s been exactly one year and makes me wonder where the time went. It doesn’t feel like that long passed. I hate that I’m not more prompt with updates, but again, can’t give what I don’t have.

Another bright spot is that I ordered those vector chibis and Ayamegusa delivered like a day later (no lie). She’s da bomb. I did them based on existing commissioned fanart I have, so they’re extra kawaii.

This is Biker Boi Yasha

Isn’t he fucking cute? I squeed myself into a headache, but the one she did for Hikari Yasha is immaculate.

Yes, tiny images watermarked to the tenth for obvious reasons. I also put up Neo’s version of InuYasha Emmanuel at Absolution (Crimson Angel). It’s fucking awesome, I’ll say that. She also made cute headers for my chibi. One is on my gallery, the other will be on the gallery soon -maybe Abi as well because it’s so pretty. The mini version doesn’t do the angel one justice, honestly. The full size is 5000×4500 and it’s amazing. I plan on ordering more in the very near future. 😀

And Neo, words can’t describe her awesome. She made me some seriously gorgeous headers in the last few months and she just designed the new banner for ED’s Hall of Fame. Fucking wow. It’s so cute and original. I fucking love that girl! (^_^)b

In other news, the ED Deviant Art group is doing well. I didn’t expect many to join, so it’s surprising that it has nearly 70 members and has only been open a week. I never expect people to get involved with anything that has my name on it (If you’ve been with me a while, you already know why). But hey, it’s about time that people in this fandom start maturing and realize that a group, site, whatever isn’t about the owner, but the purpose. With the way the s/k crowd tries to force-feed us that shit on the daily, you’d think more people would support anything I/K just to drown that mess out. Then again, RT legitimizes our pairing, so yeah. Good luck with that. lol.

Same with Inu/Sango (can we say, ew?) I don’t know what that’s about, but ungh. One of my lovelies asked me to write one a long time ago. I intend to do it before I retire, but that isn’t my thing at all just like the s/k fic I did. I respect the former more than the latter, but still. I can do anything as a gift, but I’d never pen that for my own enjoyment. Not. Ever. And a Kik/Inu fic for anyone or any reason is a negative.

Pairing brat much?
Yes. Yes I am. Deal with it.

COHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

My saving fucking grace! I’ve been overdosing on Year of the Black Rainbow (even more than when I got it a few weeks ago) and it’s cause the official release date is Tuesday. I’ll prolly buy it at midnight on Monday because I think you may need a purchase for Tuesday. My boys are doing a signing in Manhattan; I’ll try to be there since there’s to be an acoustic performance. SQUEEE. I look forward to hearing the crowd participation and getting my CD signed. I saw them for the “No World For Tomorrow” signing and it was awesome (I got free concert tix!). They’re all really nice, too. I just wish my Claudio plushie would be ready in time so I could show it to him. I already love that doll. xD

One of the demo songs you can only get on the Deluxe Edition is “The Lost Shepherd” and holy fucking cow, it’s so good. (Song 2 on the playlist). Coheed isn’t for everyone, so you may not like it, but I love it. Totally inspires me to write.

“Here’s my blood, ’cause you will accept no other.”

GAH. Awesome, awesome shit. Sometimes CoCa is the only thing that makes me smile on a given day.

My allergies and vertigo are back. I had to go buy a $26 bottle of zyrtec so the room would stop spinning. If you don’t remember from last summer, I have those “developed as an adult” allergies that fuck up my eyes and ears. When my ears get fucked up, I get vertigo (that’s a fancy name for “The fucking house is upside down. Make it stop!”). Example? I’ll be sitting at the computer and if I, say, start shaking my leg, the entire room starts shifting and moving like I’m on a boat. It’s much worse than “not fun”, but drugs do help.

I finally watched “Orphan”, and while I won’t do a full movie review, I’ll say that it was pretty good. The punchline is o_O but I didn’t expect it and they get kudos for that. And the one that plays the son plays Young Kirk in the new Star Trek, so that was cute. The mother was in this wild movie called “Running Scared” and worth seeing just for the insanity of it. There’s this one part with pedophiles that just FREAKS YOU OUT (one of them was Juliette from Lost). I dunno, may have to “goodie” that one up. 0.~

Anyway, I wanted to do an update since I had some time. I cleaned up my LJ and put a new layout up. I won’t be a fixture, but I’ll peek in every once in a while and I’ll be dealing with comm stuff through it. My arms are bugging me more, and I have a gang of shit coming up from the last week of May on (including a Coheed concert! Squee!) so it will be busy (and ache-y), but I’m going to make time to write and get some short updates going.

Have a ‘nut bustin’ weekend! ^_^

EDIT: I just made sugar cookies (at 5am >.>) and poured a glass of ice-milk.

*Overdoses*

EDIT II: I watched a movie called Dread last night (Clive Barker) and it was decent, as horror movies go. The ending, well, I won’t spoil it. But there’s this really annoying trend in movies now… Anyway, the point is they had some cool music in it. I did some research and there doesn’t seem to be a soundtrack. GRRR. So I’m running down songs. But one I found, “Ghouls” by We Are Scientists is pretty damn good. Different but so different that it’s actually really good. 😛 Anyway -G page! (Am, go check it out. I think you’ll like it!)