Beyond Redemption

FUCKING SQUEE!!!!

Coheed & Cambria are streaming their new song, “The Broken” on their website and the shit is BANGIN’!! I’ve had it on repeat all morning and it has me totally amped to see them when they come to NYC in May. I’m trying to see them in March as well, but I’m definitely going in May. I fucking L O V E those guys!

They’re a very acquired taste (Right, Am? lol.), but fucking fantastic and their headlining shows are just amazing. I’ll never forget how supa-awesome “Neverender” was (The concert series where they played all 4 of their albums in their entirety over 4 days.) and I know it’s going to be even better hearing them play new material from their new CD due out in April, Year of the Black Rainbow.

S.Q.U.E.E.

Now, onto the flix!

RETURN TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP: This movie was a lot better than the first one, mainly because the acting is better. Not great, but SO much better! It’s also hilarious with a few decent killings, though some of it is far-fetched (what slasher flick isn’t?). And, of course, some victims still defy logic by running into the woods when a killer is on the loose <.<, but overall, it's decent. Big plusses to the director for bringing back original cast members from the first one (I got such a kick when I saw Cousin Ricky again -and booty shorts guy) The basic premise is that we're now at a new camp where the original head counselor from the old camp is running things with "Big Pussy" from The Sopranos. You also get a delightful helping of the late, great Isaac Hayes playing who else? The Chef! Anyway, it's pretty much the same old shit, except we have a new focus: A fat kid named Alan who is a cross between a mild bully and a complete victim. The entire camp just shits on this kid (at one point, about 20 of them shoot him with paint balls at close range. -Ouch– and give him “weed” that’s really cattle shit in rolling paper.), but at the same time, he deserves some of it for being a fat asshole to smaller, weaker kids. (However, they blame some of his weirdness on the “manic fever” -or something like that- he had as a kid. Supposedly, the after effects are lasting.)

While Alan is getting the screws put to him, kids are dropping off again, and not shockingly, all of them have picked on Alan and it gets the old head counselor thinking that the first killer is back. What results is a non-existent plot with somewhat funny murders (though, they copped out on some. What is this fade to black screen shit?) and I knew who the killer was about 5 minutes into the film. Still, if you’re bored and want to see a slasher comedy (cause this is not scary at all), this may fit the bill.

Out of a possible 5 Yashas, I give Return to Sleepaway Camp a solid 3 for effort!

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL: Get ready for spoilers. This movie is garbage. Seriously. It makes Triangle look like a masterpiece.

It opens in an early 80’s setting (movie was made in 2008) with a girl deciding to rent a house from Dee Wallace (The Howling/Cujo -why was she wasting her time here?!), but said girl has no real way to pay for the house. She’s a poor student living with a slob-whore of a roommate and just wants out. Can’t blame her. So she answers a flyer for someone seeking a babysitter. The first time she’s supposed to meet the man, he stands her up, but calls her at her dorm for a new appt. She accepts and meets the old man at his place -he needs a sitter tonight. Turns out, he has no kids. He wants her to baby sit his wife’s mother who stays upstairs. She’s creeped out and was going to decline, but he sweetens the pot by giving her $400 -it’s “very important” that he and his wife go to this event. She needs this money for the new place, so she agrees, much to her friend’s chagrin (who drove her there).

What ensues is a really, really boring stint of watching this girl hang out in this house peeking in their shit, listening to “One Thing Leads to Another” by The Fixx, and generally putting us to sleep. Her friend, though, meets a worse fate. As she’s driving home (with the promise that she’ll pick up miss babysitter at 12:30) some guy jumps out of nowhere when she’s getting ready to light a stogie. He gives her a light and she’s like, “You scared me”, etc. They talk for a sec (she’s a general smart ass, too), then he goes “Are you the babysitter?” “What? No! My friend is – ” Bang. Shoots her in the head.

Back at the house, miss thing is freaking out. She’s calling girlfriend and not getting an answer. So she calls for pizza and tries to watch a flick. Well, when the pizza shows up it looks GROSS and it obviously tastes gross ’cause she tosses it. (Did I mention that pizza delivery guy is the guy who killed her friend?) Well, we’ll later figure out that the food is laced. (And did I mention that all of this is going on during a lunar eclipse?) So bumps in the night makes homegirl grab a knife and go investigating (cause, you know, must defy logic) and then the lights die, she ends up fainting from the food, and wakes up tied to the middle of a pentagram on the floor in a white dress -’cause white be virginal!

Then we see the old couple she works for come out in cloaks along with an evil old lady who’s deformed (ew) and pizza guy. They start doing a ritual on her with all this blood and a devil-looking head. Now, as they start pouring blood into her mouth, she starts tripping. She gets the ropes off >.> and hightails it, but they;re on her. She ends up stabbing old guy in the belly, old lady in the back, and after pizza guy managed to shoot her (Non-fatally), she comes around with the knife in a wold swing and slits his throat (I’m guessing he is their son). Oh, and all of this goes on while chasing her all around the house.

She finally makes it outside and old man follows her. He’s all fucked up, though, and trying to get her to listen to him, saying “He has already chosen you” and all this. Well, that’s not appealing since he’s right and she can hear strange voices calling her, so she shoots herself in the head and he’s crestfallen. Next scene, homegirl is in the hospital with her head wrapped and a nurse saying, “You’re going to be just fine.” Then she puts her hand on her belly. “Both of you.” Apparently, the lunar eclipse is the only time they could do this ritual that will allow the “devil” to impregnate an innocent girl. And they say this is based on true events. >.> Yeah, ok.

The End.

So… you wasted, like, two hours of my life on a REALLY bad version of Rosemary’s Baby? (Which I don’t even like). Ungh. The most tension they built in the entire movie is when the laced food starts to take effect. This is the kind of film that’s so bad you get pissy ’cause you could have been doing something else.

Out of a possible 5 Yashas, I give The House of the Devil ZERO. (And that’s a first!)

Now onto the fiction!

I’ve been working on several stories, but none are ready to be posted yet. What I’m doing is working on a bit, and if I feel stuck, jumping to a different one. So with any luck, several chapters will be updated within a short time of each other. Yay! I’m trying not to force anything by putting shit down rather than pressing on, so no definite date on when the first will go up, but know that they’re coming. 😀

I’m also behind on answering my responses from the last post, but I read them. Y’all are hilarious, as usual. xD