Beyond Redemption

First, thanks to everyone who has wished my friend well, either by e-mail or in reviews. I appreciate it a lot. Things are not really better. He’s experiencing swelling and a lot of lightheaded-ness that makes doing just everyday, routine stuff very difficult. He had an appt on Friday and that turned into a mess and we’ll be getting another doctor as soon as possible. (This is NOT the doc who treated hm at the hospital. This is an outpatient doc). He got NO answers, and chances are, we’ll be in the ER again sometime soon. He acts sicker now than he did when he was severely ill and that doesn’t make fucking sense to me. It’s difficult here around here because this is consuming a big hunk of my time, which means I’m neglecting other things. So when I see a doctor’s office like that, it just pisses me –the fuck– off when I see this lax, bullshit care…

Anyway, I’m home today and trying to write, and I swear, I hate writing. At this point, if I never see another fucking fanfic I wouldn’t give a shit. I spent an hour on 3 paragraphs (Yes, seriously). I don’t know how I even devoted so much time to this shit in the past. My friend’s birthday is today and I really wanted to update a story she likes (Because I’m definitely not starting another new one) and I’m so fucking irritated by my lack of inspiration. This story, especially. There are some fics that almost never get updated because, secretly, I hate them. I don’t tell you guys that >.> but I’ve fallen completely out of love with them and just want them to go away forever. However, so many people have devoted time to them I’d feel like a total heel if I didn’t try my best to finish. But God, I’m in HELL. I start to feel physically ill when I push and stress myself to update certain stories and I already feel it happening this morning.

All I want to do today is relax with some manga and hot tea, and even that isn’t possible since I’m constantly in near crisis with my friend (already started a little while ago). So having that on my plate, plus the stress of trying to write this story that I don’t want to touch is just… URGH.

UUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGH.

Neo finished the header for the new “Neighbor” art. It’s one of the most gorgeous headers she has EVER done. You guy will be pleased. I just wish the internet wasn’t full of fucking thieves and idiots who don’t understand the concept of  “Publicly posted doesn’t mean free to use however you like without consent or even credit.” because this really should be seen in all its glory without my massive watermark… but it is what it is.

Oh, and meet Haewon of X-5.

Only in k-pop can boys where eyeliner and still get my phone number.

However, Zin is actually my favorite.

Okay, I’m done.

My friend has been staying with me so there’s someone around to keep an eye on him. That proved to be useful in the wee hours of the morning. Apparently, he got pretty sick again and we were contemplating running to the ER. However, after taking his morning dose of meds, he gradually began to feel better. For a minute there, it was pretty scary because his condition can become life-threatening if he isn’t careful and chances are, we’ll be visiting his doctor tomorrow.

So, because of that going on through the night, I not only didn’t get a wink of sleep, I obviously didn’t get much writing done, either. I’m extremely exhausted right now, so I’m going to crash (Now that he’s better), so I’m not sure when I’ll have time to write again. It may not happen until Tuesday, but we’ll see how things go.

In awesomesauce news, I just approved the lineart for one of the coolest Neighbor fanarts EVER. The one you’ll see with the next chapter is pretty fucking awesome, but this one… there are no words for how cool it is. Trust me when I say it embodies their relationship quite well. lol.

In music news, I found a new band to love called Nell. I already adore 30 of their songs. They’re just brilliant. Eventually, they’ll be on Absolution (When I have the time).

Oh, and thanks to my lovelies for showing IHE some lurve. I plan to tighten my member list soon and I’m cutting people who frequently don’t review. I don’t need lurkers, so they have to go, but you guys are definitely safe.

Okay, that’s everything. I’m going to sleep.

Joey & Kat: I didn’t forget you guys. I’ll catch up with you when I get a minute to breathe. <3

Finally, my friend is being discharged from the hospital. He’ll be on medication, but his condition is much better than it was when this first started. He’s in good spirits, no pain, and is more than ready to get the hell out of there after almost 2 weeks. He’ll be staying with me for a while so I can keep an eye on him, but otherwise, things are good and a BIG worry is off my shoulders.

I did some writing over the last 2 nights. OMG, I’m so fucking rusty. I wasn’t feeling it at all -and that worries me. You know, I told you guys that my biggest fear is staying away from fanfic too long and not wanting to come back. Well, that fear is worse than ever! The words were just giving me hell. Nothing wanted to flow.  It was downright painful.   So, I don’t know when a chapter will be ready, but seriously, don’t expect greatness. It will take a while for me to find my footing -and interest- in my stories again. And it’s not like I forgot anything; every plot, even the ones from 2006, are still fresh in my head. It’s the actual work of writing them out that’s fucking me over… I’m hard on myself, unnecessarily so, and coupled with lack of interest, well, you get the idea.

Everyone I owe mail to: I haven’t forgotten that I owe you mail and I’m SO sorry I’m a total butt and haven’t gotten around to doing it yet. Forgive me -it’s almost 2013!   Okay, the new year doesn’t have anything to do with it, but still…

In other news, IG [dot] Net will be getting a new layout for 2013. Nothing too fancy, since it’s really just a directory, but I think you guys will like your provocative Grrrl! Eternal Destiny turns 6 years old on Tuesday, and to celebrate, a really good friend of mine, Moniquiu, made a special header/wallpaper for the occasion. I usually buy new AU fanart, but this time, I went with a canon motif. Last, but never least, Absolution will show off a new skin as well (Not associated with any story). Let’s just say it’s when “worlds collide” and signifies that no matter how you prefer InuYasha, he is one and the same.

And yes, I’m still obsessed with Kevin Woo and U-KISS. He’s just SUCH a cutie patootie! Especially when he’s dressed like this:

Dayum.

Aaaaaaaand, my beyond awesome friend, Ayling, made some fanart for my fanfic!! I think its for If I Want To (She enjoys that one a great deal, and coincidentally, that’s the one that’s been giving me fits these last 2 days…). It’s SMEXY!!! <a href=”http://inugrrrl.net/gallery/displayimage.php?album=59&pos=0″>Wanna seeeeeeeeee?</a> I got some other pretties you guys would L-O-V-E from Man-Man (Who’s probably reading this!), but I don’t want to post them until she’s finished/ready to show them. But whoa, you’re going to adore her stuff. I know the most talented people!   Im also working on another piece for the neighbor. I’ve asked my darlin’ Sarah to do it this time and think you guys are gonna enjoy it greatly. Now if I could just get the damn chapters written so you can get hit two-fold.  ARGH.

Happy Friday!

I got some good news today. My friend’s doctors have finally taken the life-threatening diagnosis off the table. He’s still sick, but they’re now confident that he isn’t as bad off as they first thought he was and the main illness (There are several things wrong with him) has been reduced from worst case scenario, to “can be halted/corrected with medicine”, so I’m pretty happy and relieved. Chances are, like me, he’ll have to take medication for the rest of his life, but dammit, at least there will be a life to live!

I’m going back to the hospital to see him tomorrow. They say that he could be released on Christmas Day, but that would be the best case scenario. Which means he’ll most likely be stuck in there for the holiday, which blows. But that’s okay; I’ll be there with him. He won’t be alone. No way. And since my spirits are up and things are staring to look much better, I’ll be trying to get something typed up for you guys by the new year (Oi, that’s not even 2 weeks from now!). I have a lot going on between real life, ED’s 6th anniversary (On New Year’s Day), their Secret Santa at deviantART (On Xmas Eve), and their Legend Awards (all going on within this holiday), but I’ll work something out. You know the drill -especially right now- don’t expect anything long. The chapters WILL be far less than what you’re used to because I’m pressed for time in every possible way, but I don’t want the new year to start without giving y’all something -you’ve waited long enough!

Last Xmas, I found out that I was sick with a lifelong ailment. This Xmas, a very dear friend of mine was admitted to the hospital with a very serious condition that was nearly life-threatening upon his arrival. I haven’t cried that much in a long, long time. I’ve been at the hospital everyday since this started, doing all I can, as I am his only family right now. I have to take care of him -there is no question with that. He’ll probably be stuck there for Xmas, which means I’ll be there for Xmas as well. I wish there was more I can do, make this all go away somehow, but all I can do is whatever he needs me to do for the duration. That’s what family means.

That said, I have no idea when I’ll be updating. I haven’t abandoned my work no matter how long updates take. The day I’m ready to do that, you guys will get a warning in advance. But right now, my priorities are where they should be -and that isn’t fanfiction.

If you don’t hear from me before the 25th, I hope you all have a great holiday, and please, get regular check ups at the doctor. Yes, they are annoying, but they can stop a condition you never knew you had from trying to kill you.

Ciao, bellas.

I finally feel productive, lol. I’ve had doc appointments and stuff this week, so I haven’t felt like doing much. Now that I have a reason to see the doc often, it takes a toll on the nerves until you get that green light of health. But so far, so good. Waiting on some test results (Then I’ll really be in the clear), but in the meantime, I’m feeling good and ready to get some stuff done!

So, on the agenda is:

1. Finishing the next layout for Absolution:

This one is for If I Want To . I should have finished it a couple of weeks ago, but… yeah.

2. Finishing my 2013 domain layout:

Got some new art, and thanks to a little help from Neo, a new layout to dress up my dot net. \o/

3. Move my important shit to a new external HD:

I already had a 500gb HD (A gift from my Onna), but recently had a tiny scare with it, so I got a 1TB (Gift from my Kau), which I’m going to use as my untouched back up where I’ll store everything for safe keeping (I use the 500 everyday. This one will never be used except for storage).

4. Write, write, write!

I have been batting around ideas for the fics all week, but have been too busy/out of it to get them written. But I suddenly feel like writing, so I’ll be doing that this weekend. I have several chapters that are partially written already, so I’ll be working on those to try and get them finished and posted.

And on that note, don’t think I’ve forgotten about writing and such. I haven’t, but inspiration has been lacking. I’m working on it, so bear with me. Those who still visit Absolution and have been leaving reviews to tell me that you’ve enjoyed the fics so much you re-read them, wow, thank you. I’m honored. It’s awesome to know that they’re so nice you checked them twice!

I’m out!

Just wanted to shout out a quick Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Sorry I’m still MIA. It’s like, I want to write, yet I’m not really motivated to. Odd, huh? Hopefully that will change over this relaxing T-day weekend. I’m having family tomorrow, so, yup, your Grrrl is cooking (starting tonight), but after that, I’m pretty much free.

My Kau spoiled me with tickets to go see Coheed & Cambria again in March (Early birthday gift) and she sent over a full box of goodies! Lindt’s desserts (best chocolate makers EVA), fancy cookies, Hello Kitty candy and cocoa, candy-coated sunflower seeds (They’re awesome), and a slew of other stuff. She also sent me a Blu Ray player as an early Xmas gift (I don’t watch much TV, so never had a real need for one before, but this one is cool because I can stream Netflix, Youtube, and Pandora through it. Squee!).  AND she’s sending 2 more boxes of munchies. I haz supremely spoiled! She’s the best Kau ever!

I’m totally addicted to my iPad. I looooove being able to go to bed and play games until I conk out. I suppose I could have done that with my iPod, but I hate the small screen for stuff like that. Videos only! Now i I can just get my hands on this case in the very near future I’ll have it made!

Isn’t it so cute?! I already have a charcoal-colored smart cover, but you know pink and Hello Kitty is mah thing, so… 😛  Already found a place that sells it, too, so I shall be getting one shortly and it will nicely compliment my custom ordered Kevin Woo carrying case. (Hey, if I’m gonna have an awesome, portable tab, then I need to deck it out in all my faves!).

In nerdy music news…

I love Pandora. I made a “Depeche Mode” channel and they play the funnest stuff from some of my fave groups (Like The Cure and The Pet Shop Boys!), and I even discovered some cool groups that I didn’t know about, so it’s been really getting me in the mood to write… And I like Justin Bieber’s new album. Listened to the whole thing and he’s really matured. As Long as You Love Me is brilliant (except for that horrible rap). Anyone who says that’s not a good song is full of shit. That song is awesome -and so are the remixes for it. Beauty and a Beat and Take You are also very good. I’ve always liked that kid (even if I wasn’t too into the music), so I’m happy for him that he’s getting better with time. Haters are just gon’ hate, but he’s doing his thing.

Anywho, I promise to get off my lazy butt and get a chapter completed. I’ve started several already; it’s just a matter of finishing some scenes and editing.

Have a fun holiday!

Been neglecting everything as of late, but I’m around. Been a little sick (allergy/vertigo/illness thing), been neglecting my blog completely (no confessions or nuthin!), I still owe several people e-mail, still have writing to do, and a slew of other stuff. I’ll get around to it, but even if I don’t, you guys should know that I’m aware that I owe you mail and you’re not just forgotten. I just haven’t been feeling too social, so replying to mail and trying to be cheerful… yeah. Not happening. I’m a loner by nature, so it’s normal for me to be extremely quiet and “invisible” for days, or even weeks, at a time. When I’m feeling sociable again, you’ll hear from me, so apologies in advance if that happens to be a while from now.

Got back yet another wonderful art piece for If I Want To that you guys will probably like, provided you like my “guest characters”. *Hint Hint*  You’ll see it soon enough. Art for that story is actually piling up, which means I need to quick fucking around and write some chapters, eh?

But it’s soooooo easier said than done!

(Oi, no booing!)

I’ve been a little MIA since the whole storm thing, especially since we just got a nor’easter right after. Had family here, too, so that ate up even more time. But all is well, in the event that you thought I fell off the face of the earth. I haven’t gotten much writing done lately, but I plan to, so don’t think you’ll never see another update. To those who’ve been steadily r&ring, thanks so much! I appreciate the kind comments.

In other news, Eternal Destiny’s deviant art group, Eternally Destined is holding a secret santa event, so if you’re in the holiday spirit, come down,  join the group, and have a little fun.

Okay, I’m out!

So, here is my life update.

CAMERA:

I finally resolved the camera conflict. Seems that when I started talking about filing a police report, the carrier mysteriously reappeared -and so did my camera. Ain’t that some shit? Because, yeah, that carrier never returned to work after my camera vanished. I was told he’d be there the next day -he didn’t show. I was then told the day after that. No show. AND it was “against the rules to call him”.  o_O

After having enough of their bullshit, I told them that I believed  the carrier stole my camera and they were covering for him. Therefore, I was going to file a police report. Funny that the next morning I got a call saying they had my camera. Oh, and the carrier was back at work. Yet, no one could explain to me why carrier and item both showed up on the same day. They wouldn’t admit that he took it with him when he left that day, but they don’t have to because I already fucking know. Apparently, post offices have a thing for stealing items from certain online shopping sites because they know it will be replaced.

Case and point: When I contacted my shopping site and told them what I suspected, they overnighted another camera to me via Fed Ex. But see, I wasn’t about to let that thief keep that fucking camera because he thought he could. He fucked with the wrong Grrrl. Anyway, both cameras are here, but I’ll be sending the one he tried to steal back to the company. Of course, I didn’t get my shit in time for my concert (which was the point of buying it)… that prick.

CONCERT:

Good fucking grief. Saw Coheed & Cambria on Thursday at Webster Hall. Got a VIP pass that got me in early for an acoustic song from Claudio. Had a stellar spot in the front and even saw a cool opening act that was good enough to get me to buy an album. Then, it happened. Coheed came on stage and started playing and I was nearly killed on the fucking dance floor. I was in the equivalent of what was probably the 2nd row, and being short, I was already buried. But when hundreds of bakas came rushing a stage THAT THEY WERE NEVER GOING TO REACH I got crushed within an inch of my life. I was there with a friend -a big friend- who always accompanies me to these things because I’m small. Had he not been there, I’d probably be in the hospital, maybe worse.

I literally felt my bladder being compressed; planting my feet so that I didn’t fall on top of those in front of me made my knee bend in directions it wasn’t meant to and now I have a limp. Holding onto my upper arms so that I wasn’t ultimately knocked down and trampled, my friend left me sore and bruised. Bodies literally rained down on us as idiots pleaded with strangers to <strike>grope</strike> carry and toss them around. I love Coheed, but I’ll never endure the front rows ever again. Not even they are worth that horror. So, I’m all beat up now, and guess what? I have another concert on Monday. >.> But it’s the Silversun Pickups, so I’m going even if I need crutches! And I’ll have a damn camera! XD

PULP-FICTION:

I haven’t done any writing, really. However, I did finish the skin for “Poison” and you guys will see it with the next update. There are a couple of stories I want to work on, but I’m not going to rush myself. I want the words to flow at least a little, and forcing it won’t help. I also have a quick beta job I promised to do, but that won’t take long. So, some stuff will be coming down the pipe sometime after Monday’s concert.

You know, unbelievably, people still don’t follow the instructions on the site about requesting an account. Some will even e-mail the right address, yet still not follow the instructions. Do they really expect to get in when I’ve made it very clear that not following  instructions gets requests deleted? Sometimes I make exceptions about the password. Though most people get that right, some do miss it, so I give them another chance to find it. But when everything I requested with the application is missing, and they still think I’ll consider them, well, that’s just fucking annoying because if they can’t follow simple instructions, why would I want them inside my house with access to my stuff? No fucking thanks. I used to mail a letter of decline. Now, I just hit delete. I don’t have time for that shit. I always appreciate the fact that people want to read my works, but fandom has made me bitter, so now I play by my own set of rules. Either abide, or poof! Be gone.