Beyond Redemption

SQUEE!! (Had to get that out!)

My very awesome g-artist, Neo, made a new layout for my main site (Go see!) using the art you see now, which was created by Sarah-Belle, who is just amazing. I came to her with almost no references, just a concept, and based on just my words, she was able to pull this pretty out of her hat and it’s exactly what I wanted. How cool is that? Then Neo, being the guru that she is, came up with my tattoo (makes me wanna get it for real!).

I haz so happy!
(Yes, it’s the little things that bring me the greatest joy.)

Of course, Absolution will have a layout and that’s where you’ll get to see the full art, and it’s really awesome. I’m so happy with it! <333 I'm working on updates and hope to have a couple for you guys by the weekend. I was feeling a little sick today (due to my new condition) and didn't get much done. But I'm working on it, and as stated before, turning over a new leaf. New site, new artwork, new chapters, and I'm getting rid of the old. I cut a few people off (and still doing so). They're not really friends anymore, so I'm done there. Life is too short and I wanna have my fun, not worry about who's mad at me this time and why, especially when I’m always going out of my way for people. But, what can ya do? Nothing. I just don’t care anymore; too many real life worries, ya know?

Anymewho! Gonna post my daily poll at Deviant Art, shower, then write a bit more before bed.

Laterz!

Just had to stop by to wish my peeps a HNY! Hopefully, we’ll all have a great one free of drama, headaches, and health scares (that turn out to be real >.>).

I started my first day of the new year by taking care of myself like I said I would. I don’t like all the changes I have to make, but I want to live so I’m gonna do them. It’s not so awful, I’m realizing, as I get used to things, but it’s necessary.

I’ve also decided to end some ‘friendships’ for good, if you can even call them that. You pretty much know when someone is full of shit, and I’ve known this about several people, so I’m cutting ties in their entirety. Yes, this includes online people. I’m a bit sick of people who think they’re something important or who act shady when I don’t bend to their will. They’re not worth knowing because I’m not going to change the way I think for anybody. Fuck them with a fork. I’ve been civil and avoiding drama, but I’m at a point that I don’t care about that. I don’t want to know them, so I’m not going to.

I’ve also made a resolution to write more. I know I don’t feel that bright spark that I once did for fanfiction, but that doesn’t mean it’s lost forever. I let myself get hurt along the way, I let my inspiration die out, and I’ve been hard on myself -all for no good reason. Fanfic is supposed to be fun, not “serious business”, and I want to find the fun again so I can finish what I’ve started for the ones who matter: My supporters. I also have my original to bang out, so I gotta get off my lazy ass! (Oi, no agreeing with me! >.>)

Today is also Eternal Destiny’s 5th birthday. Yay! \o/ It started out as just a little gift to my friends and lovelies, but it grew into that cute little house on the end of the street. lol. It was never meant to be a big place, and it never will be, but it’s home to many and that’s something to be proud of, ne? Make sure you visit and grab your anniversary gift.

Anyway, I hope you guys have a great, prosperous, and truly happy new year. Don’t let people bring you down over silly shit, don’t forget about the things you love and why you love them, and don’t let anyone, FRIEND OR FOE, tell you “NO”. Don’t ever give away that power, and thanks for brightening my days with great reviews and encouragement. <3

Okay, so I do this every year. I pretty much sum up what it was like and what I plan to do differently next year. I only tend to stick to half of that most of the time, but fuck it. Why break tradition now?

This year was okay, nothing special. I learned a few things and if I do nothing else, I’ll definitely follow a few new rules from here on out.

1. Only commission from the tried and true.

I can’t stress this enough. If you commission art and you have someone that’s good, trustworthy, and understands what you want and don’t want, hold on to them for dear life. I have a couple like that, one in particular, and from here on in, they will be the only ones who get my money.

I had some pretty crappy experiences with a few artists this year and they were hard lessons learned. I’m a nice person. I know what I want, I give loads of references, and I’m very thorough. When I choose an artist to commission, I do it based on their gallery and past work. I think it’s pretty fucking lame to get back art that doesn’t come close in comparison to half their gallery.

I mean, seriously, this isn’t a fucking freebie. I usually pay up front (most of the time I pay a little more than what was asked for), or at least a deposit, and like I mentioned, I’m thorough on what I want and I’m extremely polite. I’m not an artist, therefore, if I’m missing something vital in my order, don’t do guess work. Ask me what I’d prefer, don’t just assume I’d want X, Y, or Z. I had 3 awful experiences with 3 different people that I, of course, will never commission again, and it’s fucked up because I’m a repeat offender. When I like an artist and I get what I want, I will buy, and buy, and BUY. However, one bad trip and it’s a fucking wrap, especially when I’ve been nice and all I got back is ‘tude because I wasn’t willing to just accept what I was given.

And on that note, I just got the sketch back for my Edge of Seventeen art, and fuck me, it’s BEAUTIFUL. And that’s why I can’t give up on finding great artists -because they’re out there- and she’s SUCH a sweetie. Total JOY to deal with her and she can expect more of my money in the future. lol.

2. Stop going out of my way.

I host a lot of contests and do a lot of giveaways and stuff like that on my Eternal Destiny sites. I do it because I’m kind and I believe in spreading the love. I buy new art all the time and keep the sites looking good (with the help of the fabulous, Neo!) so people have eye candy when they visit. I host contests and give away costly tangible prizes that are not bullshit (like Box sets, wallscrolls, art books, etc), and I have a team of people to help with graphics and gifties that they don’t get paid to do.

And you know what?

That all ends in 2011. I don’t think the effort we put forth, or the money I spend, is appreciated, so I’m not doing it anymore. 2011 will be the year of no contests, no giveaways, no nothing. The site was created to share fanfic; people post there to spread their work, not because they’re so in love with the site. Therefore, I don’t think it will make much, if any, difference if they never see another contest or gift again. We already have something planned for the 4th anniversary, but after that, I doubt there will be any more. I’ll probably still keep the site decorated with new art, but that’s a personal love, something I’m doing for my own satisfaction, and others will just happen to benefit. But as far as wasting my money on fandom shit? That’s a wrap.

3. New year, new attitude.

I’m always going to be nice. That’s just who I am, but my patience is thin and so is my ability to deal with bullshit. 2011 will see a more selfish IG that will concentrate more on herself and what makes her happy. Like I said above, I’m pretty much done with trying to be good to others and making them feel appreciated when that vibe isn’t returned. No more spending my money on bullshit and chicks with tude acting like they they can only crap out “gold” and I should just love it. (Yeah, I’m just a little bitter.)

If you were already part of my inner circle, awesome. If you’re not, you probably never will be because I’m closing ranks tight this year. I’m also cutting quite a few people off for good. I see no reason to fake it for anyone anymore -fuck ’em.

4. Keep my real friends close.

I have a small inner circle and a shitload of “acquaintances”. I know the difference between them, and those that I consider true blue, will always get my best. Those that are fly by night, or friendly when it suits them, or whatever their angle is, are getting cut off. Also, I don’t keep in touch with my road dawgs enough because I tend to hide in my shell, but I’m going to stop doing that -at least with them. As an only child, I’ll always be a loner. It’s what I know, but I’m going to be more social so my real people know that they’re not just lumped in with the acquaintances.

5. Write, whether anyone is reading or not.

I’m always ready to throw the writing away. I get block so often it makes shit not even worth it. But then I’ll tap into something that let’s me get the words right, and then I feel happy again. It’s then that I realize that the writing will always be a part of who I am. I was writing before IY, and I’ll be writing after, but while I still love him, I need to let it flow. And if it doesn’t come for a while, so be it. If my “faithfuls” never review, so what? If I pen a subject matter people don’t like, who cares?

I get so wrapped up in pleasing those that come to the site, I often forget that the writing is about me, not them. Do I like reviews? Sure, they’re encouraging, but I’m going to stop waiting to see if the readers liked something or not. In the end, I don’t write for them, I write for me, and if I lock my site down tomorrow, I’ll still finish my fics, only they just won’t get to read them and I’m okay with that.

6. Take care of IG.

I don’t take care of myself enough health wise. I’m always trying to get this or that done for work, or more often, for some fandom-related shit and that’s just the end of that. Nothing is going to come before myself anymore. No more insomnia. No more late hours cause I just have to get this or that done. It’s very hard to do, but I’m going to. If you follow horoscopes, I’m a Pisces, so that “take care of the world” thing you hear about us is very true, however, it’s time to break the cycle. No more putting them before me, no matter who they are. They sure as HELL don’t do it for me, so why am I? o_O

2011 is going to be all about me and people will just have to deal with it. Huzzah.

So that’s what I’ve learned and what I plan to follow up on. But that’s not to say the entire year was a downer.

I had a lot of gorgeous art done by fantastic artists who went above and beyond the call of duty (Master M, Animaker131, and always, ALWAYS my Maria-nee-chan, amongst a few), and I’ve -for the most part- been surrounded by awesome people who were worth the trouble. I even got a lot of fantabulous feedback on my fictions over at Absolution from people that never reviewed before and that was extremely encouraging. So for those that took a minute to wish me a great holiday and left nice comments, know that you’ve been instrumental in getting new chapters up. Thank you. <3 Happy New Year, all. May it be better than what you got in 2010. Take the past, burn it up, and let it go…

I started doing the “Year in Review” in 2006 after all that shit went down at that fic site, and it became a little tradition. It’s pretty much where I just talk about highs and lows and do a few thank yous, sooooo let’s have at it! ^_^

2009, in a lot of ways, sucked. It wasn’t a good year for writing, as I dallied a lot, dealt with carpal tunnel, and lost my inspiration to write to the point that I was ready to close up my personal website and call it a day. One night, I literally found my finger on the “delete” button for Absolution (Yeah, it got that serious.). I was just sick of it all. I was still dealing with a plethora of assholes over the stupidest shit like awards and petty jealousy (over what, I’m still unsure), I had tricks I don’t even know, pointing people to my blog, this blog (a slice of idiocy that still begs questioning), and it became just too beneath me to deal with.

And I won’t even get into how I was plagiarized. Again. Or how I saw someone read my fics and visit my personal sites, then turn around and use titles from those stories and sites in their fiction (and this was right after they read my shit, so this isn’t a coincidence).

IY fandom: Proving everyday that originality is dead.

Then, there were the shifts in a few of my personal relationships. Someone I love disappointed me greatly, another one that I cared for had to feel my scissors, and several others found out how I can become when I’ve decided to punish them with distance.

But, those were the worst parts. There were good parts as well.

2009 opened me up to several new people, awesome people, that seriously made up for the horrors this year has brought. There are also the wonderful people I already knew that became even greater, closer friends that I love to death. In fact, I’ve learned some great lessons from everything I’ve witnessed and experienced and I shall share a few!

1. Forgiveness is something to be earned, and once they’ve earned it, let it go.
2. Some of one’s dearest, closest, and most true blue friends can be people they’ve never met.
3. Haters hate for a reason, and most of the time, it has everything to do with how they feel about themselves.
4. One gets what one gives, especially love.
5. Family has absolutely nothing to do with blood relations.
6. I’m a writer, no matter how I try to shake it off, and I need to answer that call.
7. I’m too hard on myself and too easy on others.
8. I’m a damned good person and everyone I surround myself with are as well.
9. It’s okay to have moments of weakness; that’s what my friends are for.
10. I have to stop being so completely floored by compliments; I’m not as bad as I probably think.

There were many others, but those are the most notable ones.

For 2010, I’ve made a few resolutions that I hope to stick to as well.

1.Take better care of myself, both physically and mentally, and stop letting assholes stress me.
2. Learn to say “NO” more; I don’t owe anyone anything and I need to remember that.
3. Make more time for the people I love, online and off.
4. Recapture my love for my IY fictions and finish them, not just for the lovelies, but for my own sense of accomplishment.
5. Do something fun everyday, even if it’s just for an hour.
6. Start writing the original novels I’ve been putting off for 2 years.
7. Let go of old hurts; they’re only wearing me down.
8. Keep exploring/growing and don’t get stuck in self-imposed ruts.
9. Never, ever go against my instinct because I’m rarely wrong.
10. Accept that I can’t please everyone and stop trying to be the one to fix everything.

It’s a new year, so there are new goals, and I’m going to really pull out the stops to change some bad habits. Wish me luck!

Now, the thank yous…

My Inner Circle (You know who you are): You guys are love, mi familia, my sisters and brothers and the people I know I can turn to for just about anything. Thank you, very very much for being there when I needed you with kindness, laughter, “comfortable silence”, insane RP, crazy IMs, beautiful art, fantabulous graphics, outstanding fictions, gifts of every sort, and horror movie titles. *winks at Danga* I have your back. Always.

To My Redemption Lovelies: You guys are the most hilarious bunch of chicks (and dude) this side of the fucking fandom! You make entries here FUN, and I love that you aren’t afraid to express yourselves and toss your .02 into the pot. We’ve had some great debates and awesome laughs; this place wouldn’t be the same without ya! Thanks for sharing your lives with me.

And To My Absolution Lovelies: Some of you have been with me since 2005 when I first burst on the scene with that crazy canon oneshot (Haha! Canon!), but you forgave me and stuck around, watching with great enthusiasm as I coasted through fics, changed writing styles, and matured into something a little better than I was at the start. Thanks for that. I know many of you don’t review and choose to mail me. Others don’t say word; they just show me their presence by the hit counter on each story, and some leave their mark for each and every chapter, making me gape, snicker, and in some cases, go: o.O

But you know what? In the words of Jay Z…

“You could be anywhere in the world, but you’re here with me, and I appreciate that.”

Thanks for being here and enjoying the completed stories, sticking with the WIPs, and welcoming the new tales. You’ve supported me from the start, and while many have come later on, proving that I still have the power to help them escape from the BS of real life (even if it’s for a little while), it’s only now that I see this as a true gift -no matter how the haters try to make it seem like a curse. So, here’s to keeping IY alive in 2010!

Domo arigatou gozaimasu and Happy New Year!