Beyond Redemption

Just a quick check in to say that your Grrrl is alive, well, and never lost power!

Unfortunately, other parts of the city weren’t as lucky. Some areas like Lower Manhattan, Far Rockaway, Queens, and Red Hook, Brooklyn were hit really badly, as was New Jersey. Many are without power, and in Manhattan, thanks to the explosion of a Con Edison plant (power company) on 14th st, they will be without power for a long while. There is no subway or bus service, either, (and NYC is a place that heavily relies on the metro). So, essentially, people are trapped. Even with a car, 95% of the bridges, tunnels, and highways were shut down, so again, they’re trapped.

And New Jersey? Wow, they got raped last night. Atlantic City and the Jersey Shore are pretty devastated, especially the latter. Their Gov. said that there were amusement park rides in the ocean, so I think it’s safe to say that the clean up from this thing will be massive. In fact, he’s declaring the entire state as a disaster area.

In Far Rockaway (it’s a beach), the beach was swallowed by the water early on, and like something out of a movie, a huge hunk of the boardwalk broke off and came into the street, overturning cars and whatnot. On Staten Island, a 168 foot tanker washed up onto the street. Yes, seriously. So, “Sandy” had a ball with us, but at least most of the city is alright and there weren’t too many fatalities. The clean up, though, will take ages.

I did some writing over the last couple of days. I’m not happy with it, but since I don’t want to write at all, it’s understandable. Unless I really start loving (or at least, liking) fanfic again soon, anything I create will feel the way this does. Sigh.

When writing is too frustrating, I read manga and I have to get some things off my chest.

I’m grateful to scanlators for the hard work they do. I know because I work with a scanlation group, so I completely understand the BS they deal with. That’s another story, though… Anyway, while I do appreciate their efforts, my goodness, they need more people who speak proper English. Nothing is worse than struggling through a manga that’s translated the same way someone with broken English speaks. >.< I'm no grammar nazi by ANY means (Y'all know that), but geez... it's fucking unbearable. Proofreaders exist to curb those small flubs before they make it to the typesetters and such. But >.> srsly, if you can’t PR properly, don’t volunteer for it. A mistake here and there is fine, but when EVERY BIT OF DIALOGUE is made of broken English it’s impossible to read or enjoy the manga. I abandoned three mangas today because of that. I just couldn’t take it.

The other things is opinions. I steer clear of forums and stuff because the IY fandom taught me that fangirls are fucking retarded, and who wants to deal with them all over again elsewhere? So I just observe (usually when I’m looking for spoilerz) and I noticed this disturbing trend of scanlators arguing with/bitching at people who don’t like the manga they’re scanning. This is… flooring to me.

I don’t think I’m wrong when I say that the scan team didn’t create the fucking thing, right? So why take something like that personal? o.O Why are they even stalking the scans they release anyway (since they’re usually uploaded to multiple sites)? Like I said, I work with a scan group and I don’t give a SHIT about what anyone thinks of the mangas we do. Read them or don’t. *shrug* But to jump all over someone for expressing an opinion like, “I don’t really care for this one.” is just fucking mental. Hence, why I don’t bother with fucking fangirls (and boys). I’ve been out of high school too long (and sadly, so have many of them).

Two words: VAMPIRE KNIGHT.

Now, I don’t follow that manga. I intended to, but I couldn’t get past chapter three because it was so abnormally boring. But I still love Zero Kiryuu, so my kau got me the fanbook, anime box set, and a Zero plushie. (I fully intend to watch the box set someday, too.) But today, after seeing some comments on this manga, I read chapters 82 and 83. (Yep, all outta sequence, barely know what’s going on, etc) >.> I can only say that I’m so glad I didn’t invest in this. I still love Zero, but ungh. I can’t see wasting so much time on this like I did with InuYasha. I can practically SMELL an Kik/Inu/Kags ending here. You know, the one where he chooses Kags because Kikyou is dead. /sarcasm. It smacks of Zero being second on the list. It also seems that Kaname is “evil” now. Gee, only now? >.> He smelled evil from the start, but whatever.

I keep telling myself to give this a chance for Zero’s sake, but I don’t think I can fuck with this manga that’s already on chapter 83 (I hate long stories). Plus, I hate Kaname. I didn’t before, not really. I kinda ignored him because I was simply into Zero, so I didn’t love or hate him. He was just a non-factor, which is funny because I almost always choose the brunette over the light-colored hair. (Human Yasha, anyone?). But now? Yeah, at the very least, I want to see the chapter where he fucking dies.

Since I already smell another unsatisfying InuKags ending in this thing, I would like to content myself by watching Zero put that gun to his head and pulling the trigger (Unlikely). Or maybe we’ll get really lucky and he’ll figure out that he’s useless and off himself. There’s also scenario three where Yuuki puts him down like a dog past its 10,000 year old prime… (She can die with him, btw) Ah the possibilities are delightfully endless. Or, worst case scenario, he lives, which I’d be fine with, so long as he’s miserable doing so. Either die or live to suffer.

I’ve been into yaoi big time. It’s so funny because I used to hate all yaoi. It was just gross to me. Now, I love it. In fact, I read that 80% of the time because shoujo is so fucking cliche. It’s like every other story has the same scenario -like Mayu Shinjo. As much as I loved Haou Airen (well… I loved Hakuron IN Haou Airen), if I read one more of her fucking stories where the girl is some innocent VIRGIN getting chased all over the place for the sole purpose of being deflowered by a guy who looks like Hakuron (Can she even draw any other face??) I’m gonna spit.

I mean, sure, yaoi has repetition, but not nearly as bad as shoujo. It’s just fucking annoying, especially when the stories are long as hell. And I’m not into shounen ai, either. I don’t want a long build up to… a kiss. If you’re going there, go all the way, dammit. I’m proudly hentai and I wanna see somebody get laid! I read a shounen ai last night that was so fucking confusing, ridiculous, and BORING, it literally gave me a headache and I had to abandon it. Total waste of my time and so many pointless conversations between minor characters. UNGH.

Anyway, that’s my bitch fest for today. I’m off to shower and possibly write a bit before bed. ^___^

P.S. My physical copy of U-KISS’ new CD arrived at my house and I’m so giddy. Came with a nice sized poster, a picture booklet with lyrics, a long, hardcover book-like case, and of course, the CD. They package things differently in Asia (they’re better >.>). You really get something nice for the money. I’m quite happy. <3

In my quest to find an array of horror movies for Halloween (and collecting many Asian ones \o/), I almost clicked on a link that I know would have changed my life. I don’t know if you ever heard of “3 guys, 1 hammer”, but I was unaware of what it really is. I thought it was a horror film, as it was mentioned in a horror list I was looking at. There was a link, and I nearly clicked it when a random comment on the list caught my eye.

“That’s a snuff movie.”

Talk about freezing in place. My throat felt like it was going to close as my hand inched away from the mouse. But to be sure, I talked to Kau and we found evidence that it was indeed a snuff film. Two, nineteen-year-old pieces of shit in the Ukraine killed 21 random people. Some of the murders were filmed with one being a man who was tortured with a hammer, screwdriver, and other things. All over Youtube there are “reaction” videos, and most begging others to never watch it. Keh. I don’t need a stranger to tell me that watching a snuff film will ruin my life and steal what little innocence is left in this jaded New Yorker. What I don’t get are the sick fucks who will watch it anyway or laugh about it.

For those who don’t know, a “snuff” film is a movie in which a real person gets murdered in front of a camera. It’s one of the most depraved acts a human being can do to another and I would never, ever engage in watching such a thing. I was sickened by the fact that I almost let that shit onto my hard drive, thinking it was a horror film.

So why am I upset? (Other than the fact that I nearly watched a murder?) Why is that shit on the internet where it can be downloaded and watched by anyone? One of those reaction videos I mentioned was done by a thirteen-year-old boy! Why the FUCK are things like that available to him with just a few clicks of a mouse?! I don’t like censorship, but my God there has to be a line! Who are the whack jobs passing that shit out like it’s Halloween candy for unsuspecting people like me?

I’m horrified and I thank God for sparing me from something that would have haunted me forever.

Right now, Yahoo groups are not working properly. Posted messages aren’t going through, so while I’ve tried to post -twice- that I started a new story, it hasn’t happened. Until their message system works again, I’ll post here when something has been updated. Hopefully, it won’t take those asses too long to get on the ball. In the meantime, if you’re reading this…

EDIT: Looks like the shit finally went through ages later. *grumble*

Enjoy the newbie and more stuff is on the way. 😀

Two days ago I had THE biggest WTF moment. I actually deleted one of my stories by accident. The panic that followed wasn’t a pretty sight. >.> I went to edit it, hit the wrong button, and voila. All gone. The story was A Treasure on the Tide, so that was a double WTF because that’s a fave and I was soooo o.O. But I’m pretty meticulous when it comes to my sites, so I was able to replace it right away, save for the very latest review from 2 days ago. So, if you read this blog, Brit, sorry about that. But I did get to read it before it was lost and I plan to hook ya up soon. Thanks for liking that one so much; it’s really flattering. <3 Which brings me to the subject of this entry. In the Fuckinghellbbq files, I’m completely floored by the ‘last updated’ dates I’m seeing on my fictions. Geez, are you kidding me? Tide hasn’t been updated since 2009?? Why doesn’t it feel that long? Maybe because I’m the author and all my stories are all pretty fresh in my mind? I dunno, but damn. >.< I feel awful about that. Some of it is laziness, but a lot more of the delay belongs to block. I’ll get inspired, hammer out a ton of chaps, then I’ll get stuck or get block and it will be ages before it comes back to me. Like Loved. Urgh. Not fun at all, and really, you guys need to review the oldies every once in a while and remind me that it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. Because I have a tendency to just tune shit out…

In any case, as I rifle through stories that haven’t gotten any attention in eons, I start realizing that I may need more than a year to finish them. My plan was retirement by next summer, but that’s in a tailspin at the moment. There are some stories I really like that I personally want to complete, and then there are a couple of “fan faves” that I feel like I must complete. Yeah, I know. I don’t have to do anything, but I was on Fanworks a few days ago (I had an acct in 2006) and saw that many of the same people come to Absolution now, and it’s like, how can I fix my face to not finish any of the stuff they’ve enjoyed? I know there are plenty of ff writers that would be like, “Pfft. Fuck ’em. If I’m not into it, I’m not into it.” but my brain doesn’t work that way. I think if someone invested their time in you, you owe them something more than a kiss off. There are some fics that I won’t complete because I can’t get myself back into the mode I need to finish them, so I’ll update what I can for as long as I can. How’s that?

OMFG. What a shitty birthday! (-____-)

So, my net went down on the night of March 1st, leaving me with what I call “watered down” internet. There was some shit gone wrong in my area and everyone, or most people, were subjected to this weak-as-all-hell service that would only let us get on certain low-traffic sites. I was basically locked out of everything that mattered until yesterday. URG. But Kau kept me sane (what would I do without kau???)

However, it was REALLY nice to come back to so much birthday love. I got tons of messages from Facebook and Deviant Art, a ticket to see Janet Jackson this month from kau, gift art and cute lil doodles, and a killer wallpaper from my girl, Am, and the art I bought for myself was finished right on the big day. I was able to access my e-mail, so it was awesome to get to see it. And it is GORGEOUS.

It’s for All The Things You Never Say, and I must admit, Sarah drew my OC perfectly. She’s truly an amazing artist and SO sweet! If you haven’t visited Absolution yet, you should. I made a skin with the characters, but the true beauty is in the finished art with the original background. That, you can find at my gallery. It is LOVELY!

In other news, I have a gang of e-mail to catch up on. So if I owe you (and you all know who you are) expect it soon. I’ms till catching up on everything. 4 days without net is like a lifetime! Gah!

In fanfic news, I’m going to attempt some writing later on, so you may see something soon. Other than the old skool fic I’m doing, I’m not sure what else will get touched. I still have to take care of Nutella (I’ve been drawing HARD blanks on her plot and I feel awful because this was a contest win >.<). I'm also thinking about closing my fanfiction.net account. I hate that site. I always have. It looks and runs crappy too much of the time, it's a safe haven for plagiarists, and there are assholes there by the boatload. I've long stopped fucking with public sites for my fiction ever since I learned that many moderators and site owners are unprofessional, irresponsible, and classless. However, I stayed on FFN, and even added more stories to my account there, when I started getting plagiarized so that I'd have a more of a presence. It didn't help. I still got plagiarized, and the mods there still didn't do anything about it. (There are plagiarized stories there from years back that have hundreds of complaints and reports, and guess what? They're still there!) So, yeah, kinda done. I’ve already discontinued many WIP updates there, but now, I’m thinking about deading the whole thing.

Anyway, that’s it for now. ^_^

Seriously, y’all, what’s the deal with this kid? Why do people hate on him so much? I’ve heard some of his songs, seen a couple of videos, but I honestly don’t know why people, adults especially, take the time to just malign this kid for no apparent reason. He’s a teenager, for fuck’s sake!

Kau showed me a YouTube clip of him on CSI getting killed. The comments were nothing short of amazing. Amazingly disgusting. Seriously, people? Seriously? o_O

What on earth did this boy do to any of these grown, hard men and women to make them write some of the most hateful, batshit, cowardly comments I’ve ever seen? I realize fandom holds its share of medicated assholes that need an extra cocktail of Prozac, zoloft, and Xanax, but this made them look mild.

I know it’s a lot of “bandwagon” jumping because online people prove everyday that they’re not leaders, but followers, who mimic everything they see people do like dopey parrots, but Dear God, what if that was your nephew, kid brother, or son? Would like it if a zillion strangers said mean-spirited, absolutely cruel shit to them just because they exist? I mean, what is it? Jealous cause the kid has a recording contract? Mad because the likes of an Usher found talent in the boy and scooped him up? Pissed off cause you think he’s acting too “black”? Furious because you see him as some talentless teenybopper, therefore you have to “inform the mindless masses” of what he is? Daily. You have a lot of time on your hands…

This reminds me of Will Smith’s son. Did anyone hear about that? He did a Letterman interview and the world jumped all over the kid. I guess he wasn’t letting gap-toothed Dave talk to him like he was a little idiot (Cause we ALL know kids should be seen and not heard >.>) so people wanted to trash him and call him “evil” cause he had his mother’s “evil” eyes and say he was too privileged because of his father’s fame, name, and wealth. Pfft. Get over that because you really make yourselves look like life’s sore losers.

Last time I checked, children are the future and they ALL have talent in their own ways. Maybe some of these jerk offs grew up being told they wouldn’t amount to anything, or that their dreams were trash and following them would be a worthless pursuit, but who are they to get mad at the ones whose parents told them the opposite? Justin Beiber, from what I understand, isn’t some rich man’s son. He was practically discovered on YT, so what makes him different? Is it because he actually made it and is in that teeny percentage that benefited from being amongst the zillions of STUPID videos we’re bombarded with on a daily basis? Or is he not to be taken seriously because he’s a “kid”? Again, get over that.

Anyway, I’m just one person with an opinion, and that was it. I think the kid is cute and talented and just to prove it, I think I’ll play one of his songs….

It’s warm outside, but inside my apartment is cold. I haven’t slept like a normal person in a while, either. I have block, and it’s fucking up everything. Life has been sucking for quite some time, too. The things that were once so much fun just feel like work. Maybe I’m just burned out, i don’t know. I don’t necessarily feel it, but I won’t rule it out. Won’t even mention the almost daily migraines… Oops. I guess I mentioned them.

I’m sick of people. Okay, people is too broad a stroke. I’ll say “certain” kinds of people instead. I hate people that grin in your face while they’re making moves. I hate how fucking fake people are, so I’m a fan of giving what I fucking get. I hate how people who are supposed to be your friends have really closed ranks then want to act shocked when they’re called out on it. I hate identity theft; be yourself because it’s fucking transparent. We know you’re waiting to see what we do next so you can copy it. *hard eyeroll* I hate plagiarists who steal someone’s original work, change a few things, then pretend they didn’t gank it. I see that all the time and it infuriates me, especially when I can name the source of their thievery. Talk about admiring someone to death.

And before conclusions are found and jumped to, very little of that pertains to me. Some does, but the majority of that is my opinion on shit that’s going on with friends.

But then, there are the cool people, like BrokenRose who surprised me with a slew of reviews for Knife of Romance. lol. I love hearing how someone was ready to shy away from that fic due to the subject matter, but then gave it a chance and loved it. That seems to be the story of that fanfic’s life. It’s one of my favorites, I admit, so it’s always gumdrops when someone else enjoys it, too. Then, there’s my kau who made me that sweet video! But that’s my road dawg for life, so she don’t really count. The cool folks I know from various sites, the IG Lovelies who always leave some comment luv that cheers me up, and, of course, “The Fam”, who can do no wrong, (not even my bratty kid brother)…

Rambling now.

Anyway, I guess it’s one of those days when the glaring, ridiculous actions of others are magnified, making me wish they’d fucking go away, or better yet, never showed up in the first place. Wishful thinking, I know, but let me have my dreams, aight?

New poll up. Seriously.

Just a quickie update. I’m frustrated beyond all reason. I’ve been working on 2 chapters for nearly two weeks and just hating shit. Nothing feels right and soon I’ll be faced with the shitty choice of stay blocked, or post stuff I’m not that happy with. What a lousy choice. (-___-) Worse, I’ve been putting off mailing someone because I wanted to do so when I had those chaps finished (since I’m writing both for her, really) and this shit is dragging on and on. Grrr!

In awesome news, Neo finished another header for me, so each new chapter will have some accompanying visuals. I just wish the right words would show up already! >.> Oh, and she’s working on the new Neighbor art I commished from Maria-nee-chan, and you know what that means. New chapter (and I can only pray that it gives me less issues than these two!).

Aight. I’m out!