Beyond Redemption

Is when people do this:

“Hey grrl!”
(cause the name must always be spelled incorrectly)

“How come you like Human InuYasha instead of Hanyou? He’s just SOOOOOO hot! I can’t understand it!”

Or side B.

“How come you don’t do canon stories?! AU makes them so OOC… You really should make X, Y, Z…”

Seriously, keep it fucking moving. I really mean that shit.

I’ve been getting asked those asinine questions for 6 years and I’m tired of it.

Why don’t I like the hanyou? I’m not into bestiality.

Why do you?

It’s just stupid to me that the ongoing consensus seems to be that there is something incredibly abnormal about preferring his human side, or some crime is being committed when you don’t want to be enslaved to canon.

EYE. FUCKING. ROLL.

I love Hanyou InuYasha. That’s how I met him.
I love Demon InuYasha. He’s fucking YUM.

But my fangirl heart belongs to HUMAN INUYASHA. There is no “why” and I don’t have to explain myself. But as someone who has, and always will, prefer brunettes, his dark hair and gray eyes “do it” for me.

And another true statement: I’m not really into his ears. The fangs and claws are sexy, but not the ears. A lot of manga and anime characters have animal ears and I think they’re unattractive. I tolerate it on InuYasha because I adore him, but that’s a big motivator in my love for his human side.

Why settle for traits I don’t care about when I can get everything I want with his human side?

Honestly, who here is really going to be a ready and willing participant with a guy who has ears like a dog in real life? That would be sick, not to mention gross.

Why don’t I write canon fic? I’ll make it easy. I dislike the canon story. I still haven’t read the full manga and I don’t think I ever will. Aside from most of it being fucking boring and long, long-winded, the “triangle” sickened me so much it made the entire story lousy. Are there a few parts that may have made me smile? Oh yes. Yasha is divine. But the other 80% I can take or leave, and as an author, I prefer to leave it. So, yeah, I don’t like Rumiko’s story that much, but I love many of her characters.

It happens all the time, so get over it.

I prefer alternate universe. I want worlds that I created and situations that I brought to life. I’m not, nor will I ever be, interested in picking up where Rumiko left off. I don’t want to use her story as my “jump off” point. I can make my own. And I do. I only borrow her characters, and since I openly assassinate characterizations, I bring them as close to an original as I can get them. Some may see that as “betraying” the “spirit” of the IY story, but I couldn’t care less what a purist thinks. I already said that I don’t like the manga story. Do you and leave me the hell alone. Last time I checked, speech and expression were free in my country.

That goes for art as well. I don’t commission canon things. Why would I ever? Are some gorgeously done? Hell yes. I’ve seen lots and lots that are drool worthy. But, for my $$$, it will always be AU. Even when I choose to make him silver and gold with fangs, claws, and ears.

I’m simply doing what makes me happy -just like everyone else.

Human InuYasha. (With the occasional hanyou)
Alternate Universe.
No Limits.

So, that’s why I reject canon.
Maybe now those stupid questions won’t get asked again.

/rant

First, flowers…

Well, now that she’s said it on Facebook, I guess it’s okay to talk about it. The other day a friend of mine passed away. His mother is like my own mother. I call her “Onna” and you’ve seen her name all over my site, I’m sure. Her son, Michael, aka Mikey, left us on the 25th, but I found out a few days later. To say it was devastating is a real understatement. This is someone I’ve talked to and joked with, and to hear something so sudden happen to someone so young throws everything for loop and really makes you question what’s important. He’ll be missed, especially by his Mama who doted on him. It’s a tragedy when a mother has to bury her child. I hope he’s resting peacefully, finally free of all that ailed him. <3 Now, bricks... Do you know what a brick is? Someone I used to know told me they were the stupidest people alive, and this weekend, I can say with absolute certainty that I dealt with a fucking brick. The situation doesn’t warrant more than that -at the moment- but trust me, I was accosted by a blend of stupid that was so potent the shit oughta be bottled. It should be against the law to be such a self-important, delusional dipshit. For real.

Then there are surprises…

Isn’t it funny when people pull stunts and their nonsense gets followed by good karma -for you? This morning while I was working on a site for some friends, my little brother, Danga surprised me with a gift commission for my 6th anniversary next month! He was reading my old story, Fatality, and decided to get a little Yasha portrait done for it (He says I don’t give that fic any love ’cause it has no art and such 😛 But I actually am having art made for it after my next commish is done. But anyway…). It’s super cute, too!

I usually make a new fic for my anni, but I dunno… Should I follow the tradition? I usually give myself a lemon fic for my birthday and a normal fic for my anniversary. I have a story I want to do for myself, but I haven’t started any of it yet. If I can slam down the first chapter, I’ll definitely post it. I even have art/a layout ready for the story -it’s just not written. So, we’ll see.

Okay, time to rest. I pulled an all-nighter, and I actually want to write later on today. I’m working on another old one, and a couple of news ones. The old one is closer to completion, though.

Ungh. Interesting night.

So, here I am, minding my business and finishing In His Eyes (That chapter will post shortly) when I get an e-mail from my little brother. He’s like, there’s no way to tell you this without getting you mad, so… and there it is. A link to one of my oneshots plagiarized verbatim on fanfiction.net. Again. And should I mention that the idiot posted it 25 fucking times with different titles? My guess is that every chapter is stolen from myself, and probably others, and the genius failed epically at stealing them correctly.

I can’t roll my fucking eyes any harder.

First reaction? Fury, of course. This trick not only stole my shit, but stole my birthday fic from 2006, Crush The Night. That story is only posted on my personal sites and Deviant Art, so now we’ve narrowed it down. But I’m sure she lifted that from one of my houses.

Talk about that asshole digging deep into the fucking archives, huh? And still got caught. Douche. I only have a small amount of stories posted on FFN because it’s a shitty site with absentee mods. These people don’t address anything, no matter what it is. Case and point? Their forums are full of questions and complaints from people wanting to know where the fuck the admins are. The really sad part is that, aside from trying to bang this chapter out for Linds, I’ve gotten a bunch of mail and PMs from people on that site asking for an update. So I was gonna be nice and post it there right away. Well, yeah, I’ll still post it… along with a note letting them know I’m not posting anything else there. That site is cock, and after 5 thieves, I’ve had it.

Usually after being plagiarized I’ll shut my site down for a bit. But I’m not going to do that this time. TBH, I’m tired, people. I’m tired of bullshit, I’m tired of the hundreds of people that visit and never review and I’m tired of being the proverbial “Whipping Grrrl” and plagiarism target. I fail to see where the BS is worth it. I was finally getting back into writing, hence the fast updates, but what the FUCK am I doing it for? Seriously.

I’m out.

EDIT: Looks like xXinukagloverXx deleted that fic already. I guess there’s no point when you get caught less than 24 hours after posting stolen work.

Okay, this sucks. lol.

I’ve been chipping away at several chapters (basically switching whenever I feel stuck too long) and that shit isn’t helping! I’m currently fighting In His Eyes and a story I was supposed to do for Nutella and I’m really having doubts that the latter will ever get written. I guess the blame can go to the fact that I’m forcing it, but I don’t like how it’s going and I’m only a few paragraphs in! I think the issue is that it’s not really my kind of plot, so I’m struggling with it (In kiribans the winner chooses the plot). This is something I totally see her writing (and she did admit that this was a plot she wanted to pen but never had the chance) because she has that bouncy way of writing and, well, I write angst.

Which brings me to IHE. Holyfuckbbq this shit is giving me FITS. I hate writing fluff -if you didn’t already know- and this is like a root canal. Fuck, 10 of them. I’m actually updating it as a request for Linds (and I’m already super late. GRRR), along with several others who have been asking about it, but I must be honest and say that these kinds of stories aren’t faves, hence why they don’t get many updates. This chapter is going to blow. Not even gonna lie about that. But hey, y’all already know that I don’t write much anymore, so just getting anything out is a miracle. Plus, eventually when I feel my flow again, I’ll go back and clean up the chapters on Absolution (so always read my stuff there because I usually leave my dA/FFN shit the way it is ’cause I’m lazy :P).

My 6th anniversary -and Absolution’s 5th- is coming on June 16th. Gasp! I didn’t think I’d still be writing at this point (But I am, just barely), so it’s a new milestone. I used to write myself PWPs every birthday, but since I hate doing lemons, I started doing new chapter fics instead. Well, my track record sucks with that these past few years (though, I did do Silk Stalkings and that was smut -canon smut, at that), so I may not write anything new. We’ll see. There are 2 fics I want to do that I dreamed up a few months ago -even got some art done for one- and if I can just get my shit together, I’ll toss it out there on my anni. But that’s an IF.

Secretary Kau was doing more reviews today -and I actually helped a little (haha)- and I saw 2 flames. OMG, no joke, these people were dicks. LOL. At this point, I can only laugh at the absurd shit that they obviously took seriously, because, you know, published authors like them are well within their rights to tell other people what they think they’re doing wrong. *snort*

Anyone with that much negative shit to say just because I wrote a fanfic that they didn’t like needs to stop living in their mom’s basement and get laid. They’re overdue.

I proudly write unapologetic, characterization-killing, alternate universe, fan-fucking-fiction -FTW!

I’ve been thinking a lot, more than ever before, about removing myself from IY fandom as a writer. I won’t close the public sites until they’re no longer useful to anyone (With the exception of TBR, and maybe, Inu-Verse, eventually), so I’ll still be in the fandom in a small way, but not as an author. I just don’t write as much as I used to and it seems really unfair to those who read my stuff to have to wait literal years for an update. So I’m thinking about giving myself a deadline. Whatever I don’t finish by next year on my 7th anniversary in fanfic (June 2012), I leave it and call it a day. (I can’t do it on the 6th anni. That’s just 2 months away and that really wouldn’t be fair to anyone if I don’t give myself more time to finish some things).

Mind you, this is just a tentative plan; nothing is set in stone. I may get a change of heart and find that love that I used to have for my favorite hobby and write my heart out, even make new stories. But for now, that’s the blueprint. So make sure you vote in the current poll.

As far as new stories, there are really just 3 new ones I’m thinking about penning. An InuYasha/Sango for Miss Goddess who has now waited about 3 years for this request (makes me wonder if she even remembers she made it >.>), one for Nutella, an Inu/Kag oneshot that she requested at dA (My awful block has stopped me from executing), and another Inu/Kags one that I dreamed up a while ago inspired by a movie/real life person. I actually had art made for it mooooonths ago and Neo recently worked her magic for a header/pic, so I’m going to try and start that while I’m feeling inspired. It won’t be very long, and I don’t have a title yet, but it should be fun.

I think a large part of my problem is that I forgot this was fun and not a job. I started getting really hard on myself over every little thing, totally forgetting that I write for obsession and nothing more. I’m always my harshest critic (which is why I don’t want anyone else critiquing me. I get enough of that by my own hand), and instead of seeing the good or fun in something, I look for the errors. It’s no way to be when you write for the “joy” of it.

Let’s be honest; there can be no other reason. Fanfic is something that millions of people enjoy, but often for the author, it’s a pretty thankless job. You spend hours pounding away at the keys, trying to offer something decent, at the very least, then people gobble it up without a single comment. Combine that with the fact that I have carpal tunnel as a direct result of writing so much and the question becomes, Why the hell am I still doing this?

Why, indeed.

But it was my choice to to write IY fanfic, and it will be my choice to be done with it. I always said I’d never write for anyone but InuYasha, but I may change that tune. I’ve noticed in other fandoms that have caught my interest, people are a lot more vocal with reviews, the writers and artists seem to get along, and overall, there just seems to be a bit more harmony and appreciation for fandom contributions. That’s something I’ve never really experienced in IY fandom. Almost from the beginning I was maligned for merely existing, and I guess, daring to do what I want without apology. I never quite understood what it was about me that set these retards off, but what do you expect from a bunch of passive-aggressive pharmacies?

I have my core readers and such, but overall, this is a very, very nasty, mean-spirited fandom, for the most part, with a “pack” mentality. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen and several people I know who are part of other fandoms have agreed. There are all these “kings and queens” that feel like they have a right to pass judgment on others, even when their own fiction/art/attitude is lousy. They get envious over nothing, attack without provocation, and have a really disgusting habit of discouraging new authors. I’ve seen that so much. If someone is making mistakes, and you genuinely want to help, then note them privately and give your advice -if they want it. Don’t flame them, or attempt to publicly humiliate them -you make yourself look like an idiot. New writers need encouragement, not ridicule, and I’m proud to say that I’ve never done that to anyone. Ever.

But to be fair, a lot of them have vanished. They either moved on to terrorize other fandoms, or they became so irrelevant that they don’t matter to anyone. Or (and this is rare!) maybe they looked in a mirror and didn’t like who they saw. Who knows? But there has been a sharp decline in good writers (and villains) and ones that were once deemed good are disappearing. I guess that’s what happens when a manga/anime finishes. Though, I expect to see a bit of an upswing when the English DVDs of the final act comes out. ‘Cause, you know, that’s when we get to see InuYasha make an ass of himself over Kikyou a few more times while her supporters keep denying that InuYasha and Kagome are actually married. Who can you really blame for that, though?

Anyway, thoughts on a Thursday. I’m now going to have breakfast and then -gasp- write!

Oh, got some new artsies in the gallery and a WHIP ASS wallie from Neo of one my new favorite bishies, so go take a peek. And if you’re a Britney fan, the new CD is pretty damn good. Very electronic, but good.

Seriously, y’all, what’s the deal with this kid? Why do people hate on him so much? I’ve heard some of his songs, seen a couple of videos, but I honestly don’t know why people, adults especially, take the time to just malign this kid for no apparent reason. He’s a teenager, for fuck’s sake!

Kau showed me a YouTube clip of him on CSI getting killed. The comments were nothing short of amazing. Amazingly disgusting. Seriously, people? Seriously? o_O

What on earth did this boy do to any of these grown, hard men and women to make them write some of the most hateful, batshit, cowardly comments I’ve ever seen? I realize fandom holds its share of medicated assholes that need an extra cocktail of Prozac, zoloft, and Xanax, but this made them look mild.

I know it’s a lot of “bandwagon” jumping because online people prove everyday that they’re not leaders, but followers, who mimic everything they see people do like dopey parrots, but Dear God, what if that was your nephew, kid brother, or son? Would like it if a zillion strangers said mean-spirited, absolutely cruel shit to them just because they exist? I mean, what is it? Jealous cause the kid has a recording contract? Mad because the likes of an Usher found talent in the boy and scooped him up? Pissed off cause you think he’s acting too “black”? Furious because you see him as some talentless teenybopper, therefore you have to “inform the mindless masses” of what he is? Daily. You have a lot of time on your hands…

This reminds me of Will Smith’s son. Did anyone hear about that? He did a Letterman interview and the world jumped all over the kid. I guess he wasn’t letting gap-toothed Dave talk to him like he was a little idiot (Cause we ALL know kids should be seen and not heard >.>) so people wanted to trash him and call him “evil” cause he had his mother’s “evil” eyes and say he was too privileged because of his father’s fame, name, and wealth. Pfft. Get over that because you really make yourselves look like life’s sore losers.

Last time I checked, children are the future and they ALL have talent in their own ways. Maybe some of these jerk offs grew up being told they wouldn’t amount to anything, or that their dreams were trash and following them would be a worthless pursuit, but who are they to get mad at the ones whose parents told them the opposite? Justin Beiber, from what I understand, isn’t some rich man’s son. He was practically discovered on YT, so what makes him different? Is it because he actually made it and is in that teeny percentage that benefited from being amongst the zillions of STUPID videos we’re bombarded with on a daily basis? Or is he not to be taken seriously because he’s a “kid”? Again, get over that.

Anyway, I’m just one person with an opinion, and that was it. I think the kid is cute and talented and just to prove it, I think I’ll play one of his songs….

Okay, so I don’t do a lot of Olympic sports. I cheer for America, of course, but I only have a few that I’ll actually watch -like figure skating/ice dancing. I love watching them, along with gymnastics (I gave snowboarding a whirl, too. GO SHAUN WHITE!). Those are my sports and I never miss them.

This time around, we had some American skaters, and they were lovely, but I fell head over heels for Kim Yu Na of Korea. That girl is beautiful, just stunning, and her skating was sheer perfection. And that’s coming from a HARD CORE AMERICAN who won’t root for another country over my own, period. This girl is so impressive, and moreover, just so much fun to watch! I lit my whole building up with screams when she not only won gold, but broke records. She’s all that and a bag of fucking chips!

But, it’s lonely at the top. As usual, because she won gold and her Asian counterparts feel “jipped” (Cause, ya know, if it ain’t Japanese, it ain’t right), all of sudden there are allllll these rumors that she’s had plastic surgery to make her more beautiful (since her counterparts are NOT) and to make her body longer. (So… are we to believe that they surgically implanted extra BONE to make her arms and legs longer??)

Let me start by saying how fucking insulting that is to the Korean people as a whole. I mean, really, are y’all trying to say that there’s NO POSSIBLE WAY a Korean girl could be pretty, or pretty to that degree?” o_O Because, in essence, that is what they’re saying. Coming out of their faces with shit like, “She must have had surgery because her skin is too smooth and perfect.”

OMFGWTF?!

It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with eating right and good skin care regimens, could it?? Perish the thought! Her limbs are long? That couldn’t have anything to do with height, and inherited bone structure, could it? Her body is like that of a model, but that would have zip to do with exercising, rigorous training, and a healthy diet, right?

Puhleeze.

But, let’s look at the flip side for a second. Let’s say that we insert bones into people all the time and she’s a complete mass of plastic surgery (I’ve seen the “before” pics. There’s no difference other than she was younger and less polished. But since she’s 19, I would like to think that hair, makeup, and plucked eyebrows would come naturally. *eyeroll*). Who fucking cares? Seriously, who but a bunch of SORE LOSERS and the supporters of SORE LOSERS would give a good goddamn if that girl went under the knife fifty million times? What the hell would that have to do with her ability to skate rings around her competition?!

The crybaby-ism of this is so reminiscent of fandom, the workplace, and school. Any time someone makes a name for themselves out here, they’re beaten down for no other reason than being. And God forbid they win any accolades along the way -it’s open fucking season from a bunch of whiny douchebags. That’s what she’s going through now, and that’s why I support her even more. They can’t knock her flow, so they go for a low denominator like looks. Well, thanks for telling the world that you fuckers feel inferior and threatened over ONE little girl. *snort*

Kim Yu Na has a new fan in me, surgery or not (Though I obviously don’t believe that shit) because she’s an underdog in a world that seems to only revere a certain type of Asian (and don’t paint me as anti-Japanese, either. You wouldn’t have a CLUE as to what you’re talking about. I just don’t like asshattery and won’t allow political correctness to silence me). Plus, she had a lot riding on this. Her country, sadly, acts ass backward with her and she had all kinds of threats of her sponsors dumping her and whatnot if she didn’t bring gold. She even revealed that the times she won silver, she got hate mail. She needed this win, and she EARNED this win, so these morons need to get over it. I hope she continues to thrive and these haters can eat the ice off her fucking skates!

Yeah, I have the “blahs” right now. I haven’t been doing much writing, as I’ve been obsessed with Young Spock (as I’m sure you all know by now!), but I did work a bit on my anniversary fic last night. Nothing major, though. I also worked on the last chapter of Ever After, so I’m hoping to post that in a couple of days just to wrap it up. I don’t know… I need to inject some IY love into my veins, but I’m so sick of the shitty parts of this fandom that enthusiasm is hard to come by. I also have stuff to do for Eternal Destiny, like read the contest entries and start preparing the new skin. I got the draft for the art back from the ever-so-awesome RighteousRed and fuck me, it’s gorgeous. Exactly what I wanted for this skin, so huzzah to the tenth! 😀

In other news, I finally got my package from the post office, and gee, it only took a FULL week for them to find it! 😛 Color me lucky! *wipes sarcasm from my chin* But I won’t complain, at least I have it and they’re so kawaii. I posted the pics for Am to see in my other thread, but I’ll post them here, too. These are from The Edge of Seventeen -the chapter when they first met. (I have no idea why Onna chose that chap. They weren’t wearing anything particularly nice, but that’s what she wanted and Notoes did a great job re-creating them!)

Butt tags with my fic and penname.

Cute, huh? I commissioned her for another one for my anniversary fic, and she has already started setting up. I’m super giddy -he’s going to be SO kawaii. I’m also looking into another special doll for another fic, but I need to find out if she can do it first. Wow. Before I know it, I’ll have something for all of my favorite stories! 😀

Hugs and glomps to my Onna for such an awesome birthday present! <3333 I'm on a Placebo kick again. I just downloaded all of their videos, and I can't begin to explain how disappointed I am that "Days Before You Came", one of their greatest songs ever, has no video. I had to settle for a fanmade video of them at an outdoor concert and it sucks. I mean, the group sounded great, but the quality of the video is garbage. Sigh. They're coming out with a self-released CD in June, and it sucks that they don't have a major label right now. However, I'm grateful that they have the means to get their music out there anyway. Steve, the drummer, left and they have this young guy that's all sleeved -he doesn't really fit to me- but as long as the music is good, I'm happy. Thus far, I'm not wild about the 2 singles they've released, but a lot of their best songs weren't singles, so... and while I can easily download their new album when it's out, I'm going to actually buy it, because like Coheed & Cambria and the other small bands that I love, I have to support the cause. Oh, and a word on Lost. The next season will be the last and I'm really curious as to how it will all end. I won't give up spoilers, but the cliff was an interesting one. I also found a Lost forum on eljay, and while the majority of it was fun and filled with theories, gee fucking whiz. I got a taste of the shitty side of that fandom! There were a few pouncing all over this chick that had a few choice words for Juliet and it reminded me of the childish behavior exhibited in IY fandom when you DARE to say something against one of the "beloved" characters or attempt to take your thoughts/opinions in a different direction. It was an absolute turn off and it reminded me why I’m determined to have IY fandom be my first and last. It’s apparent that people can’t be adults about certain things (like the fact that these people/characters don’t fucking exist and can’t be hurt by anyone’s opinion of them >.>) and must automatically get into name-calling and other behavior that reminds us all that they’re in the 4th grade. Ungh.

Anyway, enough for now. I’m ghost. Enjoy the pic.