Beyond Redemption

After a morning of site maintenance and preparing to complete a chapter (Yeah, finally), I wandered into Deviant Art and got the nicest surprise! My awesome friend, Moniquiu, read Last Exit to Eden and decided to make a gift wallie for me. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

(Full size glory at my gallery)

Isn’t it lovely?! She totally made my day -and the day isn’t even half over yet! 😛 It’s always humbling when my stories inspire creation in others and I’m ecstatic with the result. She’s completely awesome and I’m completely grateful for her friendship and kindness. <3 As for writing, well, Linds, I think you’ll be happy. 😛 I’ve been having a hella hard time writing these last couple of weeks. I’m not inspired at all and it will probably show. However, I realize that I must pen something or I’ll stop altogether, so be forewarned that you won’t be getting my best.

In site news, the Terms of Service and Site Rules have been revised at Absolution and I advise you to look them over if you’re a member. As for other updates, there will be some, but I forewarn, they’re going to be pretty short. Again, I’m not inspired right now and simply writing for the sake of not staying idle for too long (because, srsly, if I don’t, I won’t bounce back from this hiatus).

…And that’s all folks! 😀

Wanted to pop in and leave the lovelies some V-Day luv! I have some things to do, then I’ll be back to writing. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull off an update for the holiday, but all I can do is try. I’ve got 2 FA Month chapters to go and I spent a good portion of the day rereading and re-familiarizing, so we’ll see what happens.

In the meantime, have some fun with my friend, Moni’s, newest wallpaper for Valentine’s Day! Check out her gallery, too. She’s got really awesome IY wallpapers (aside from the pretties she made for me), Vampire Knight, and other designs for download.

And Jayna made some “Grrrl-inspired” earrings in my colors! How cool is that?

Yesterday, I hated the entire planet. Today, not so much.

I think yesterday was the implosion of a really bad month, a cold that’s starting to really suck, and topped off with last night’s appearance of that monthly visit we women enjoy fucking hate oh, so much. Yeah, I was ripe for a dose of rage. But I’m good today.

Anyway, onto the fanfiction. I’m not sure what will happy story-wise after FA month. I think many readers take for granted that I’ll just keep churning shit out while they never even take a moment to say “thank you” or “I enjoyed this”. Seriously, you shouldn’t get accustomed to me automatically coming back after what seems like a long hiatus. Without any notice at all I shut down several of my websites and pulled my fics from just about everywhere I posted other than Absolution (including Eternal Destiny). That’s pretty much how I disappear. Silently.

My stories have hundreds of hits per new chapter, but most never say word and it gets me into the mindset that I’m wasting my time because they probably didn’t like the update. And if they didn’t like the update, what the hell am I doing it for when I have carpal tunnel and a lifelong illness that could probably use more attention? I’m still in love with InuYasha, but I’m no longer in love with writing. It’s more work than fun, so if I don’t think my readers are honestly enjoying my fics, and I don’t feel appreciated for taking time out of my life to entertain them, I’m going to stop making them available to the masses.

What does that mean for you? Simply put, I’m on good terms with my loyal reviewers because I interact with them regularly and know I can trust them inside my site. They’ll be given “reader accounts” on Absolution (which I do not allow at present) that will give them logged in access to my fanfiction. To explain further, if you’ve ever visited Eternal Destiny, you’ll see that adult-rated stories require logged in access. At Absolution, ALL stories will require logged in access. Visitors will still see the front page of the site and what’s been updated, but those without an account won’t be able to read anything.

I withdrew from 90% of this fandom and their awards groups for a reason, folks, and if you’ve been around long enough, you know why. After all that strife and daily battles with these assholes (which still occur at times), I’m over a lot of shit, especially now when just staying healthy is a struggle. I want to surround myself with people who support the work I put in because they understand that they’re the only reason why said work continues to exist.

And no, this isn’t a threat, just an airing of my intentions. I don’t write for myself anymore. I stopped doing that ages ago when I became disillusioned with fandom. And if those whom I do write for don’t really enjoy the updates like they used to, I shouldn’t keep offering it to them when there are a billion other IY authors/stories out there that I’m sure they’ll like better.

So, that’s the long and short of it. FA Month will continue because fans should be appreciated, even if it doesn’t always work both ways. However, I may hold off on posting any updates for a bit and try posting 2-3 at once. Haven’t decided yet, but figured I’d mention it in case I do.

I’m working on some gift stuff, too. Not sure when it will be ready (Or if it will be any good. Argh, damn block!), but a few of my vocal supporters got some goodies coming! I want to acknowledge as many of them as I can before my imagination (and hands) give out for good. It’s my “thank you” for being as great as you guys are. Really hoping that you’ll like what da IG is cookin’ <3 😛 EDIT: A bajillion thanks to my Neo for making this super cute Kevin Woo wallpaper for me. I FUCKING LOVE HIM!

EDIT II: This is what I mean by putting shit in perspective and letting go of things and people who choose to neither be seen nor heard. My good friend, Sandy, is undergoing a heartbreaking surgery as I type this, but she still took a minute to drop me a line of support at a time when she should only be concerned with herself. Definitely puts things into perspective for me and I’m praying hard that she makes a full recovery. Never give up, my friend. <333

I had to come share this! Moniquiu, a mega-talented graphic artist over at dA, gifted me with another wallie for Hikari to complete the “trilogy”. 😀 I’m sooooo giddy. As you guys know, my health isn’t great, and the writing’s been hard, but this gave me such a boost! It’s freakin’ gorgeous and she captured the latest chapter beautifully. Come love on it! xD

The full size wallie will be at Decadence shortly and the full art of “Gladiator Yasha” is also posted. ^^

In fic news, expect a new chapter either tonight or tomorrow -and it’s going to come with yet another new skin. *waggles brows*

To everyone who’s been reviewing, thanks bunches. It means a lot and has totally motivated me to keep plugging away. <3 (Nutella, you rock. Muah!)

HAPPY (BELATED) THANKSGIVING!

Yesterday was a bit of a trip. At the last minute it was decided that turkey day should be at my place, which meant your grrrl was thrown under the bus! xD

I had to do all the shopping, scrub the place down, do all the cooking (plus make desserts), and entertain the fam. In short, I’m fucking tired and I’ve never consumed so much soda in my life. lol. But all in all, it was a decent holiday, though I’ll be stuck with leftovers all damn weekend. >.< And strangely, my aunt, a friend of mine, and my favorite guy in U-KISS (Korean group) all have the same birthday -today! So lots of lub going their way. 😀 In \o/ news, I'll be able to get a few little gifties for a couple of friends. I know they'll like them, too! In >.< news, with all the typing I had to do for the Secret Santa stuff over at Eternally Destined, I jacked my hands. I mean, they easily hurt from just a little typing, which pisses me off because I want to write. (It’s the story of my fucking life, I swear. Whenever I finally get an itch to write, my hands give.) But I’m way behind on some of the stuff I wanted to update for you guys, so the compromise will have to be really short chapters. It’s either that, or it’s longer updates, but fewer.

I’ll poll this and see what you’d prefer. Either one is better than nothing. The poll will be up over the weekend, and depending on your answers, I’ll proceed immediately. (Well, I’m gonna start writing now, but whether it will be a couple of long updates, or several short ones will be up to y’all. Aren’t I nice?! :D)

My cat is 1000% better and up to his old tricks. Makes me wanna kick his ass, but I’m so glad to have him normal again I guess he can get away with murder for a while longer… 😛

Didn’t get much sleep in the last 2 days, so I’m groggy and tired, but I’m going to get some writing in anyway. I’m also SUPER addicted to the SIMS on Facebook to the point that it eats up loads of time and I play when I need to be doing other things. Really…must…stop….

Watched a few movies this month. I would do a review, but I don’t want to screw my hands even more, so here’s a quick version. These films are Asian horror and flicks from the After Dark Horrorfest (Sucks that they don’t bring this thing to NYC! -__-). They’re basically indie horror films, and being a lover of B horror…

Okay, no spoilers.

Lake Dead: So wrong, but so fun!

Kill Theory: Funny, decent horror feel, and a good ending twist.

Reincarnation: Japanese and so-so.
(Why does the end of every Asian horror flick make me say, “WTF just happened?”)

Forbidden Door: Thai film and it was GOOD.

Dorm: Also Thai, mild horror, and really cute. Made me cry.

Suicide Club: Japanese, and another WTF ending. Waste of a rental.

One Missed Call 1 & 2: Japanese and fairly decent. #2 was better than #1. Made me cry.

A Tale of Two Sisters: Korean and a pretty good film. At least you sorta get the ending -and it’s sad.

Ichi The Killer: Directed by Takahashi Miike and one of the goriest, but most hilarious, films ever. Loved it!

Whispering Corridors: Korean. This is a franchise of about 4-5 flicks. I saw #1 (but have 2,3, and 4 here). It was pretty decent, but not great.

Three Extremes 1 & 2: Jap/Kor/China. Three directors from all 3 countries submitted one short film each. The first 3 were better than the second 3, I think. The twisted “Dumplings” from movie #1 is worth the price of admission. They even turned it into a feature film of its own -but it’s worth seeing both because the full-length film plays out a bit differently and you get a lot more info. Warning: It’s pretty sick stuff.

Strange Circus: Japanese. Fucked up subject matter, weird imagery, and a crazy ending, but worth seeing once. Maybe.

Shutter: Thai and awesome. It was remade in America -avoid that one and seek the real deal with subs.

Voices: Korean. I liked this one quite a bit. Worth seeing and set in modern time, so if you read manhwa, you’ll see lots of similarities that will make you giggle. Sad, though.

The Hamiltons: A somewhat interesting twist on an old genre. That’s all I can say w/o giving shit away. I found it pretty enjoyable.

You can find these on Netflix and Blockbuster. Gonna watch a few more this upcoming week, so I shall be back!

P.S. Thai movies are really not getting their due. They don’t make me sleepy (from slooooow moving stuff) like Japanese and Korean films tend to. All three that I saw were great.

Allrighty, I’m off to do a little writing before I really need to rest my hands. Don’t forget to vote on the poll!

The lovely and talented Moniquiu over at Deviant Art makes wonder wallpapers -you’ve probably seen the gifties in my gallery- and last night she honored my request for a wallpaper of the only character in Vampire Knight that I actually like.

SHE. ROCKED. IT.

So, I was up all night (though I swore I’d stop that) watching horror movies, but just before bed, I did my “rounds”. Meaning I checked my sites, various accounts, etc before I shutdown. Well, I’m so glad I stopped at Deviant Art (now that I can even get in. My net was on “lite” for 2 days and I couldn’t get into any high traffic sites without timing out) because the talented Moniquiu made another wallie tribute for Hikari. It’s super cute and I was so honored. I love wallpapers (Neo, Am, and Moni make ’em best!), so I’m all smiles and I even feel like writing again. Yay! \o/

I think I may even be ready to pick up If I Want To again as well. I haven’t been wanting to touch that one since the whole Kaname thing, but it is a gift fiction, Amber is actually glad that I got rid of him and chose Light (apparently, she’s a HUGE Death Note fan), and with 109 reviews for just 3 chapters, I think I owe it to y’all to get back to work. The new art for it is not ready yet *grumble* but the moment it is, it will be a skin for you to get a kick out of. xD In the meantime, at least other art will be showing up soon. 😀

And I love K-pop. I just have to say that. I’m disgusted by what happened with Jay Park and the group, 2pm (I’ll bitch about that another time), but I don’t judge other musicians by the stupidity of some of their countrymen. Some really great stuff comes out of there and my iPod is filling up fast! I especially like some of the boy bands (sue me!) like Teen Top -wah! 😛

So cuuute! I wanna be 17 again so I can molest Chunji! xD
(OMG! Shameful, overage fangirl moment. He should really be my otouto!)

Okay, bedtime. I don’t have to work, so I’m gonna sleep all day (kinda) then get up and do nothin’!

This is a lil pic of Chunji (and I so don’t care who doesn’t think he’s kawaii because I do!).

The last few days haven’t been good for me, however, two pieces of great news got me smiling the moment I got out of bed!

The first would be that the art I was waiting for is finished! WOOT! That also means there will be a new skin -one you won’t have to wait for, either, because this story was completed years ago. \o/ I’m just waiting for a couple of tweaks then I’ll fix up a skin. The full art will be available for viewing after the skin is up.

Yeah, to me, great fanart is a fucking event. lol.

In other “OMG Thank You!!!” news, Moniquiu over at dA made another fantastic wallie for me. She’s been at Abi reading Hikari and loved it so much she wanted to do a little something. She was telling me that white backgrounds weren’t her strong suit, but she wanted it to symbolize heaven. I disagree. I think the white BG looks awesome and a little symbolic. 😀

Neo, Am, Moni, and Phoenix = Best G-artists EVA. <3 I think it's a blessing when people enjoy my stuff enough to get inspired -without turning that inspiration into emulation, which I fucking despise. Almost makes me think there’s hope for the hostile, childish, ridiculous fandoms out here like ours. Case and point?

Tardo thing of the day: How do you take someone’s fanart, print it, blow it up, and superimpose it on a cup, book, whatever without credit or compensation? Yeah… The shit you see out here and the way people find a way to justify the behavior is quite flooring.

Much love to the brave souls who read Kau’s story and was kind enough to leave nice reviews. I admit, I’m out of my element, my comfort zone, my sanity net -you name it. I am not a fan of that pairing at all (Y’all know how I feel about Kouga), and because of my bad weekend, my head wasn’t really there, either, so I’m just cruising along and hoping it isn’t too awful. Thanks, y’all, for feeding my illusion. LOL.

Damn. It’s time for a new poll, isn’t it?
I’ll think of something…

Okay, I’m out. I still have several kau-drabbles to finish before I tackle my personal fics. Oy vey!
In the meantime…. “Stay With Me” by Moniquiu

I think the title says it all. 😀