Beyond Redemption

First, thanks to everyone who has wished my friend well, either by e-mail or in reviews. I appreciate it a lot. Things are not really better. He’s experiencing swelling and a lot of lightheaded-ness that makes doing just everyday, routine stuff very difficult. He had an appt on Friday and that turned into a mess and we’ll be getting another doctor as soon as possible. (This is NOT the doc who treated hm at the hospital. This is an outpatient doc). He got NO answers, and chances are, we’ll be in the ER again sometime soon. He acts sicker now than he did when he was severely ill and that doesn’t make fucking sense to me. It’s difficult here around here because this is consuming a big hunk of my time, which means I’m neglecting other things. So when I see a doctor’s office like that, it just pisses me –the fuck– off when I see this lax, bullshit care…

Anyway, I’m home today and trying to write, and I swear, I hate writing. At this point, if I never see another fucking fanfic I wouldn’t give a shit. I spent an hour on 3 paragraphs (Yes, seriously). I don’t know how I even devoted so much time to this shit in the past. My friend’s birthday is today and I really wanted to update a story she likes (Because I’m definitely not starting another new one) and I’m so fucking irritated by my lack of inspiration. This story, especially. There are some fics that almost never get updated because, secretly, I hate them. I don’t tell you guys that >.> but I’ve fallen completely out of love with them and just want them to go away forever. However, so many people have devoted time to them I’d feel like a total heel if I didn’t try my best to finish. But God, I’m in HELL. I start to feel physically ill when I push and stress myself to update certain stories and I already feel it happening this morning.

All I want to do today is relax with some manga and hot tea, and even that isn’t possible since I’m constantly in near crisis with my friend (already started a little while ago). So having that on my plate, plus the stress of trying to write this story that I don’t want to touch is just… URGH.

UUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGH.

Neo finished the header for the new “Neighbor” art. It’s one of the most gorgeous headers she has EVER done. You guy will be pleased. I just wish the internet wasn’t full of fucking thieves and idiots who don’t understand the concept of  “Publicly posted doesn’t mean free to use however you like without consent or even credit.” because this really should be seen in all its glory without my massive watermark… but it is what it is.

Oh, and meet Haewon of X-5.

Only in k-pop can boys where eyeliner and still get my phone number.

However, Zin is actually my favorite.

Okay, I’m done.

When everything and everybody just pisses you –the fuck– off. Honestly, I’m so sick of people needing and wanting shit from me like I don’t have a life of my fucking own. I’m the type that doesn’t ask people for shit and I don’t assume shit of people. Whatever I want or need, I get it myself/buy it myself/do it myself unless it’s graphics. >.> I need my girls for that…

Srsly, though. I’m nice, but I’m not that fucking nice and the people around me are about to find out just what I mean by that.

So I haven’t posted anything here in ages, but a few things happened. The first is that my cousin is on the road to recovery. He was seriously injured in an attack and had to have surgery. That happened last week, and while recovery will take over a year, he’s going to be okay and that’s what matters.

Two, 2 days ago my cat got really ill. I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but it was the worst night ever. I cried so much -I thought he was dying. I had never seen him like this before. His symptoms were:

1. No appetite -he stopped eating and drinking completely.

2. Lethargic and weak – simple jumps from the couch to the floor had him landing with a hard slam.

3. He was breathing every heavily and noisily. Almost like a ‘growl’ with each breath.

4. He wobbled whenever he stood and walked in such a shaky way I thought he’d fall each time he tried.

5. He kept hiding -something cats tend to do when they’re extremely sick and/or dying.

Like I said, it was a brutal, teary night for me. We went to the vet the next day and he had blood tests. He was negative for all the serious stuff, but tested positive for severe dehydration. So they gave him an IV and wanted to do another test that cost even more money (2 blood tests and an IV was $100), yet the vet kept telling me that she ‘didn’t know what was wrong’. I started feeling bullshitted, so I blew the test off.

We discussed food and I told her he was a tuna cat. It was dry food exclusively before, but he kept throwing it up (I have a story about that in a minute), so I turned to tuna. She said there were supplements in cat food that he could use and I should switch. She also said wet food was best for adult cats (he’s 6) because of the water content.

I ended up taking him home and he was acting a bit better since he’d gotten fluids in him. I bought several cans of Meow Mix (wet) and over the last 48 hours he slowly started eating again and acting more normal. He’s now walking right, making his jumps, and is pretty much back to his old self. Though, I’ll be monitoring him closely for a while. It turns out that the extra, very expensive, ‘maybe’ test wasn’t needed; I simply had to change his food.

Now, about that. I used to feed him only dry food, and he was fine, but lately he’d been throwing it up. I changed brands (at least I thought I had), but it was still happening. That’s when I abandoned dry food for tuna. Well, during my food research 2 days ago, I found a slew of complaints on the Consumer Affairs site about Purina pet foods.

Wanna guess what I’d been feeding my cat? >.>
And worse, I kept getting different foods, failing to notice that they were all made by the same people.

According to numerous complaints all over America, and even Canada, their food is infested with worms, larva, maggots, “nests”, and other insects. Some people complained about finding worms all over the cupboards where they keep the food. Some animals have had their organs shut down and had to be put to sleep. It’s absolutely disgusting and I’m amazed by the lack of coverage on this. It happens in both cat and dog food, but the latter seems to be reported more.

If you use Purina, do your pet a favor and check their food bags thoroughly, or play it completely safe by not buying anything made by them. That many people in so many different states can’t be wrong.

On the pulp-fiction front, I’m working on chapters, but I want to shout out the people who took a minute to review Pandora. I appreciate it, especially given the kind of story it is. Unlike those who come, read, and never say shit, you guys actually showed some love, so I’ll remember you when things around here change for good. <3 I’m out.

Last night my little cousin, my first cousin, who is like my little brother, was attacked and seriously injured. He needs surgery now and he’s been admitted. We’re beside ourselves with concern and fury. FML.

In my quest to find an array of horror movies for Halloween (and collecting many Asian ones \o/), I almost clicked on a link that I know would have changed my life. I don’t know if you ever heard of “3 guys, 1 hammer”, but I was unaware of what it really is. I thought it was a horror film, as it was mentioned in a horror list I was looking at. There was a link, and I nearly clicked it when a random comment on the list caught my eye.

“That’s a snuff movie.”

Talk about freezing in place. My throat felt like it was going to close as my hand inched away from the mouse. But to be sure, I talked to Kau and we found evidence that it was indeed a snuff film. Two, nineteen-year-old pieces of shit in the Ukraine killed 21 random people. Some of the murders were filmed with one being a man who was tortured with a hammer, screwdriver, and other things. All over Youtube there are “reaction” videos, and most begging others to never watch it. Keh. I don’t need a stranger to tell me that watching a snuff film will ruin my life and steal what little innocence is left in this jaded New Yorker. What I don’t get are the sick fucks who will watch it anyway or laugh about it.

For those who don’t know, a “snuff” film is a movie in which a real person gets murdered in front of a camera. It’s one of the most depraved acts a human being can do to another and I would never, ever engage in watching such a thing. I was sickened by the fact that I almost let that shit onto my hard drive, thinking it was a horror film.

So why am I upset? (Other than the fact that I nearly watched a murder?) Why is that shit on the internet where it can be downloaded and watched by anyone? One of those reaction videos I mentioned was done by a thirteen-year-old boy! Why the FUCK are things like that available to him with just a few clicks of a mouse?! I don’t like censorship, but my God there has to be a line! Who are the whack jobs passing that shit out like it’s Halloween candy for unsuspecting people like me?

I’m horrified and I thank God for sparing me from something that would have haunted me forever.

Ungh. Interesting night.

So, here I am, minding my business and finishing In His Eyes (That chapter will post shortly) when I get an e-mail from my little brother. He’s like, there’s no way to tell you this without getting you mad, so… and there it is. A link to one of my oneshots plagiarized verbatim on fanfiction.net. Again. And should I mention that the idiot posted it 25 fucking times with different titles? My guess is that every chapter is stolen from myself, and probably others, and the genius failed epically at stealing them correctly.

I can’t roll my fucking eyes any harder.

First reaction? Fury, of course. This trick not only stole my shit, but stole my birthday fic from 2006, Crush The Night. That story is only posted on my personal sites and Deviant Art, so now we’ve narrowed it down. But I’m sure she lifted that from one of my houses.

Talk about that asshole digging deep into the fucking archives, huh? And still got caught. Douche. I only have a small amount of stories posted on FFN because it’s a shitty site with absentee mods. These people don’t address anything, no matter what it is. Case and point? Their forums are full of questions and complaints from people wanting to know where the fuck the admins are. The really sad part is that, aside from trying to bang this chapter out for Linds, I’ve gotten a bunch of mail and PMs from people on that site asking for an update. So I was gonna be nice and post it there right away. Well, yeah, I’ll still post it… along with a note letting them know I’m not posting anything else there. That site is cock, and after 5 thieves, I’ve had it.

Usually after being plagiarized I’ll shut my site down for a bit. But I’m not going to do that this time. TBH, I’m tired, people. I’m tired of bullshit, I’m tired of the hundreds of people that visit and never review and I’m tired of being the proverbial “Whipping Grrrl” and plagiarism target. I fail to see where the BS is worth it. I was finally getting back into writing, hence the fast updates, but what the FUCK am I doing it for? Seriously.

I’m out.

EDIT: Looks like xXinukagloverXx deleted that fic already. I guess there’s no point when you get caught less than 24 hours after posting stolen work.

Seriously, y’all, what’s the deal with this kid? Why do people hate on him so much? I’ve heard some of his songs, seen a couple of videos, but I honestly don’t know why people, adults especially, take the time to just malign this kid for no apparent reason. He’s a teenager, for fuck’s sake!

Kau showed me a YouTube clip of him on CSI getting killed. The comments were nothing short of amazing. Amazingly disgusting. Seriously, people? Seriously? o_O

What on earth did this boy do to any of these grown, hard men and women to make them write some of the most hateful, batshit, cowardly comments I’ve ever seen? I realize fandom holds its share of medicated assholes that need an extra cocktail of Prozac, zoloft, and Xanax, but this made them look mild.

I know it’s a lot of “bandwagon” jumping because online people prove everyday that they’re not leaders, but followers, who mimic everything they see people do like dopey parrots, but Dear God, what if that was your nephew, kid brother, or son? Would like it if a zillion strangers said mean-spirited, absolutely cruel shit to them just because they exist? I mean, what is it? Jealous cause the kid has a recording contract? Mad because the likes of an Usher found talent in the boy and scooped him up? Pissed off cause you think he’s acting too “black”? Furious because you see him as some talentless teenybopper, therefore you have to “inform the mindless masses” of what he is? Daily. You have a lot of time on your hands…

This reminds me of Will Smith’s son. Did anyone hear about that? He did a Letterman interview and the world jumped all over the kid. I guess he wasn’t letting gap-toothed Dave talk to him like he was a little idiot (Cause we ALL know kids should be seen and not heard >.>) so people wanted to trash him and call him “evil” cause he had his mother’s “evil” eyes and say he was too privileged because of his father’s fame, name, and wealth. Pfft. Get over that because you really make yourselves look like life’s sore losers.

Last time I checked, children are the future and they ALL have talent in their own ways. Maybe some of these jerk offs grew up being told they wouldn’t amount to anything, or that their dreams were trash and following them would be a worthless pursuit, but who are they to get mad at the ones whose parents told them the opposite? Justin Beiber, from what I understand, isn’t some rich man’s son. He was practically discovered on YT, so what makes him different? Is it because he actually made it and is in that teeny percentage that benefited from being amongst the zillions of STUPID videos we’re bombarded with on a daily basis? Or is he not to be taken seriously because he’s a “kid”? Again, get over that.

Anyway, I’m just one person with an opinion, and that was it. I think the kid is cute and talented and just to prove it, I think I’ll play one of his songs….

Hey Dolls! ^_^

Yeah, MIA again, but you know why if you’ve been to Absolution. I’m updating again and all of my spare time has been swallowed up with it. But that’s a good thing, ne? I just nailed the final spike in Ever After, and I’m proud of my handiwork. You have NO idea how good it feels to close out some stories. First, I did it with All The Things You Never Say, then Ever After, and now, I’m working on another. And those are just the ones that are near the end. That’s not counting the stuff I’ve been working on for the ongoing stories. Squee! With Honor came out decently, too, and I wasn’t even planning on updating that one yet. Woo! ^_^

My goal for the longest time has been to kill off the stragglers, and I feel like I’m finally accomplishing some of that. I really want to get rid of them in ways that please me, which is something I haven’t done in a while, so it’s been fun to see my visions come to life. And huge, HUGE thanks to y’all for showing the fics some love. I appreciate that so much. <3 Now, for the fucking RAGE. The post office sucks. We've established that before, but they just took sucking to a new fucking level. They've had my pkge lost since 2/16. 3 trips in person, 12 phone calls (at one point, I was on hold for 45 minutes), and a whole lot of "It's not physically here" (Then where the FUCK is it physically AT?!). Disgusted and thoroughly pissed off doesn't begin to cover how I feel. Kau sent me a birthday package filled with awesomeness, and they fucking lost it.

Don’t be surprised if I call some of you for bail money.

I just got a Placebo CD of cover songs that I didn’t have. They re-did Depeche Mode’s “I Feel You” and Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill”. The latter is better. DM is a very hard band to cover with any sense of decency. They’re too fucking epic to be duplicated, so while I love Brian and the boys, they’re not up to par when it comes to Dave Gahan’s singing voice. The music? Fantastic. The singing? Not so much.
(Goodies… :D)

I’m supposed to be working on a new skin for Absolution to be displayed in time for my birthday, but I’m having second thoughts. It has NADA to do with Neo’s beautiful work. No one rawks mah shit the way Neo does! xD My issue is that Kagome is in the picture. >.>

Y’all know that I tolerate Kags, and I love her for InuYasha, but on her own merit, I’m not a fan. More to the point, I don’t like the idea of having other characters on Absolution other than InuYasha and my anime likeness. Abi is completely, completely InuYasha’s domain, so having anyone else in the spotlight doesn’t sit all that well. Silly? Maybe, especially since I pen I/K fiction, but I’m territorial that way. I’ll probably still do it (the skin), but I’m in no big rush, lol. In fact, the only reason why I would is so that you guys can see Neo’s awesome shit!

Okay, I’m off to do some more writing. How about a little Yasha to tide ya over??

Beast by Sakasagami

Q: How awesome is Demon Yasha?
A: Pretty fucking awesome!