Beyond Redemption

Don’t know who even checks this thing anymore, but I’m still alive. Been a little sick lately and just hating everything (as usual). Having comp trouble, too, but hopefully, that will work itself out. Anyway, a few things.

1. For some stupid reason, anyone who tries to mail me from Absolution with a yahoo address gets slapped into my server’s spam mail. So don’t think you mailed me and I totally igged you. I’m just not getting the messages. Had I not decided to actually look at the spam instead of deleting on auto, I never would have known this shit was happening. (Steph, I’m looking at you. :P) Anyway, yahoo people, use the direct address: my username at gmail.

2. I haven’t written shit. Like, seriously, and I honestly don’t know when I will. I’d like to, but the mood isn’t there. Sorry for fucking up your promised updates. I suck, I know it, but I’d rather not serve a plate than serve shit >.> and you’d definitely get shit right now because my head isn’t in the right place. Not saying this is it forever -it’ll come back, it usually does- but it will take a minute.

3. Throughout the weekend and coming week I’ll try to catch up on e-mails and reviews (I still always, always appreciate the words of support. Even if my writing is screwed right now, it’s always motivating to hear that the work is appreciated and missed. <3) and on the 27th I'm going to see Coheed & Cambria (yes, again!). It will be, like, the 15th time I’ve seen them in concert. CAN HARDLY WAAAAIT.

So, that’s it for now. Hope you guys are all doing well!
Anyone reading EoS right now? Does this song bring back memories?? XD

I’ve been busy lately -busier than usual. I have work stuff going on and haven’t had time to try writing. It all kinda hit unexpectedly, but I’ve got some free time this week, so I’m going to try and get a chapter out. Not sure which, but it will be one of the ones you guys voted on. UGH, Fan Month is a curse, lol. Something always happens when I try it!

But anyway, the only fics I’m working on ATM will be the ones that were voted on. I want to get those out first -if I can- then I’ll see about the others. I have definitely moved on from IY fanfic, which sucks since I have so many things I want to do for you guys, but while I’m not really in it anymore, I’m still going to attempt to finish a few things before I pack it in.

I haven’t gotten a chance to read the reviews you guys have left recently, but I’ll be doing that this week as well. And big thanks to the lovelie who sent me the letter of thanks and appreciation (I won’t name names for privacy’s sake). It means a lot to know that through all the insanity, my little fanworks made someone genuinely happy. (｡´ ‿｀♡)

Until soon!

Alrighty, y’all, here we go! The 5 stories with the most votes for Fan Appreciation Month are…

The Neighbor
The Last Exit to Eden
The Knife of Romance
If I Want To
Money. Power. Respect.

(Not much of a shock, eh? lol)

Those are the ones you guys chose, so they will be updated throughout the month of April in no particular order. Word counts will vary, but I warn you now that none will exceed 4k (Unless I’m really feeling inspired).

There will also be a bonus update, but I won’t be disclosing the name of it (since I haven’t chosen it yet). I have no idea when the first chapter will be ready, or the order in which I will update. I may write them all and wait to post them as a block, or I may post the second a chapter is completed. We shall see!

As always, thanks for hanging out with me all these years. I don’t write as much as I used to , but I appreciate that you guys still want to read it when I do. (✿◠‿◠)

I’m having such a nice week! One of my newest lovelies, Angie (Angie22) was kind enough to draw some fanart for me based on my stories! I’m a sucker for artwork, but giftart??? o((*^▽^*))o What an honor! So go check it out! ^^

I have some work to do for ED, but once that’s done, I’ll work on some updates. I’m hoping I can get the words to cooperate for me again and bang out more than one. （-＾〇＾-）

In other news, Kau sent me a box of goodies as an early Valentine’s Day/Birthday gift!

My best friend is awesome. ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Hey…

I wanted to say this because it happens quite a bit. I don’t really give out my facebook link. I did at one point, but not now. There was no particular reason, I just don’t. But if you stumble across it and attempt to friend me there, SEND A MESSAGE TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU KNOW ME. Or I won’t accept the request. Srsly. It’s kinda common sense since you guys have to know that I wouldn’t know your real names.

So if you’re a member of Absolution, or someone I know from Deviant Art, you need to identify yourself or I’ll never reply to the request, which blocks you from sending another and you don’t get friended. I used to allow just anyone to friend me back when I used Myspace, but as you know, in this fandom I’ve encountered a lot of douchebags who have made me trust a whole lot less. Therefore, if I don’t know who you are, you don’t get in. Period.

Anyway, inspiration has been seriously lacking in the writing dept and I’m so sick of that. UGH. I miss the good old days when I loved to write and would devote entire days to it (Heh. That’s why I have carpal tunnel). Now, if I can get a few sentences down I feel lucky. Sigh. Still gonna try to update this weekend, but no promises at this point.

Man-Man: Got the deluxe versions of Ceremonials and Between Two Lungs. Gah! I found several songs to love. Like Howl. Had it on repeat all night! You are the awesome. Thanks for introducing me to her! <33

As y’all know, Absolution is going private. The member list has been made available along with instructions on how to complete registration for access. Those who are not on the list will also get a page of instructions they can choose to (or not) follow to request an account.

The site will lock by mid-March (probably sooner), so don’t dally too long getting set up.

Happy Sunday.

I Feel Loved! xD

This was a super-fucking-awesome birthday. It really was and I didn’t even do much today. I spent a good deal of the day with Kau online and thanking all the awesome people who remembered and acknowledged my day. What an honor! So, thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it! <333 I also got some really GREAT gifts and I was so surprised and happy!! Shall I share? Yeah, I think I will! 😛 My kau sent me a goodie box from Louisiana that contained caramel monkey bread, white chocolate truffles, tons of candy, a set of Hello Kitty figurines from Japan, TWO Daryl action figures (from The Walking Dead), TWO Kevin Woo videos (SQUEE!), and some cute and funny art. However, the art is private and I won't be displaying it anywhere. That's why she's my best Kau -she rocks!! My awesome sister, Neo, had a Human -canon- InuYasha commissioned for me and it's so cute! The artist did really well, especially with the background. She also made me a bunch of Kevin graphics and I FUCKING LOVE THEM! WAAAAAH!!!!ONEONE! My totally BEAST little sister, Am, got me an iTunes GC and made me a killer wallpaper of guess who?! KEVIN WOO -INUYASHA- ZERO KIRYUU!!!!!! \o/ To say I screamed and bounced around like a child is an understatement. Those are the 3 guys I love the most, so I’m pretty damn stoked! She knows my passion!!

The sweet and talented, Cati-Art, Blackorchid2007, and InuKagomeluvrs, and Moniquiu all made me these GORGEOUS Human InuYasha piccies that I just ADORE!! All three are just too cute and sexy. WAAAH! Love them!

My wonderfully talented nee-chan gave me the gift of coloring my Knife of Romance lineart that Sarah created, and oh yeeeeeeeeah. You guys are gonna like what you see! *slurp*

Over at Deviant Art, aside from the giftart, I got some cake badges, llamas, and a bunch of birthday well wishes from my buds and watchers. Same at Facebook -and it was really nice to be remembered.

As a gift to myself, I got a dozen cupcakes from my favorite bakery on EARTH. Wanna check ’em out? This’ll do you no good if you don’t live in New York City, though. 😛 Sugar Sweet Sunshine . Their pistachio cupcakes are to DIE for. *drool*

I also got U-KISS’ latest CD (you’re hearing one of the new songs now), which was one of the best gifts ever! I even learned all the Japanese lyrics to “Forbidden Love” -my favorite U-KISS song to date! <3 And last, but not least, I finally treated myself to an iPod Touch. I had a classic all this time and never really considered switching since it works perfectly. But I changed my mind and it's an awesome little device. But again, this is Apple. Of course it's awesome! xD Mhmm. The day was pretty fucking awesome. \(^o^)/ I'll be posting all my gifts to the gallery tomorrow because I’m just too damn tired to do it tonight. right now except for the personal u-kiss graphics that Neo made for me. And big, heartfelt thanks to everyone who remembered me today! I shan’t forget you when it counts! o.~

And yes, there will be writing this weekend. And when it’s ready to post, you’ll be treated to a new, sexy skin that I know you guys will love! Then, there will be another skin after that! I may also work on Knife of Romance early and treat you to that art, too! 😀

Btw, the member list will become available by Sunday, then you guys will have a chance to start getting passwords and so on. If you’re new to the site, read the instructions for applying for an account carefully because I’m going to delete requests if you don’t mail me everything that I asked for.
That’s about it!

Happy Saturday!

Yesterday, I hated the entire planet. Today, not so much.

I think yesterday was the implosion of a really bad month, a cold that’s starting to really suck, and topped off with last night’s appearance of that monthly visit we women enjoy fucking hate oh, so much. Yeah, I was ripe for a dose of rage. But I’m good today.

Anyway, onto the fanfiction. I’m not sure what will happy story-wise after FA month. I think many readers take for granted that I’ll just keep churning shit out while they never even take a moment to say “thank you” or “I enjoyed this”. Seriously, you shouldn’t get accustomed to me automatically coming back after what seems like a long hiatus. Without any notice at all I shut down several of my websites and pulled my fics from just about everywhere I posted other than Absolution (including Eternal Destiny). That’s pretty much how I disappear. Silently.

My stories have hundreds of hits per new chapter, but most never say word and it gets me into the mindset that I’m wasting my time because they probably didn’t like the update. And if they didn’t like the update, what the hell am I doing it for when I have carpal tunnel and a lifelong illness that could probably use more attention? I’m still in love with InuYasha, but I’m no longer in love with writing. It’s more work than fun, so if I don’t think my readers are honestly enjoying my fics, and I don’t feel appreciated for taking time out of my life to entertain them, I’m going to stop making them available to the masses.

What does that mean for you? Simply put, I’m on good terms with my loyal reviewers because I interact with them regularly and know I can trust them inside my site. They’ll be given “reader accounts” on Absolution (which I do not allow at present) that will give them logged in access to my fanfiction. To explain further, if you’ve ever visited Eternal Destiny, you’ll see that adult-rated stories require logged in access. At Absolution, ALL stories will require logged in access. Visitors will still see the front page of the site and what’s been updated, but those without an account won’t be able to read anything.

I withdrew from 90% of this fandom and their awards groups for a reason, folks, and if you’ve been around long enough, you know why. After all that strife and daily battles with these assholes (which still occur at times), I’m over a lot of shit, especially now when just staying healthy is a struggle. I want to surround myself with people who support the work I put in because they understand that they’re the only reason why said work continues to exist.

And no, this isn’t a threat, just an airing of my intentions. I don’t write for myself anymore. I stopped doing that ages ago when I became disillusioned with fandom. And if those whom I do write for don’t really enjoy the updates like they used to, I shouldn’t keep offering it to them when there are a billion other IY authors/stories out there that I’m sure they’ll like better.

So, that’s the long and short of it. FA Month will continue because fans should be appreciated, even if it doesn’t always work both ways. However, I may hold off on posting any updates for a bit and try posting 2-3 at once. Haven’t decided yet, but figured I’d mention it in case I do.

I’m working on some gift stuff, too. Not sure when it will be ready (Or if it will be any good. Argh, damn block!), but a few of my vocal supporters got some goodies coming! I want to acknowledge as many of them as I can before my imagination (and hands) give out for good. It’s my “thank you” for being as great as you guys are. Really hoping that you’ll like what da IG is cookin’ <3 😛 EDIT: A bajillion thanks to my Neo for making this super cute Kevin Woo wallpaper for me. I FUCKING LOVE HIM!

EDIT II: This is what I mean by putting shit in perspective and letting go of things and people who choose to neither be seen nor heard. My good friend, Sandy, is undergoing a heartbreaking surgery as I type this, but she still took a minute to drop me a line of support at a time when she should only be concerned with herself. Definitely puts things into perspective for me and I’m praying hard that she makes a full recovery. Never give up, my friend. <333

Hola Lovelies! *waves*

Just wanted to slide in and update you on the happenings real quick (Can you tell I’m trying to stop neglecting my journal? :P). Are you guys enjoying FA Month thus far? Let me know in the new poll!

I can’t say I’m 100% yet -it’s really been a long time since I’ve written anything regularly- but I’m sure you can see that I’m trying my best under the circumstances. Today I’ll be working on another chapter (I took a break yesterday for the sake of my hands. Carpal Tunnel is a fuck nugget) and will try to have it posted in the next day or two. Again, please remember that chapters will be short (short -for me- is about 3500-4500 words). I still have many to update and not a lot of time (Damn that FA month! Should be FA year. :P). And if you like the stories, take a moment to review. Visual confirmation that the effort is appreciated is a motivator, particularly for someone who wouldn’t be doing much of anything if she wasn’t doing it for you. <3 There will be more in the art/skin department, too, and I think your gonna like it. *nod* (Isn't it fun to visit for a new update and get new images as well? I thought so, which is why I saved them for FA Month. After being with me so many years, you guys deserved some fun! ^__^) Okay, I'm out! But before I go, I must rec a band to you guys. They're called "Wolves at the Gate (Name sound familiar? :D). They're a Christian hard rock band and they're amazing. Their lyrics are so deep and the music -OMG (literally!). They’re playing on Absolution right now (Their entire EP, in fact) and you guys really should check them out. Don’t let the “Christian” label deter you -their music is fantastic, and for me, anyway, the fact that they’re God’s sons make the experience even better. Go check ’em at Abi!

Happy Saturday, dolls! <3